Voltron

Here's why this PBF comic resonates with me. After the first episode of Voltron, my four friends and I chose the different Voltron characters. The guy in the group that was oldest in age took the red character, and the rest of us scurried to attain anyone but the yellow lion (who looked weak). Imagine my delight when I got the blue lion...and my dismay when in a later episode, the blue lion human was killed off and replaced by...the princess. Thus, in all the childhood Voltron games, I was a girl. The resulting blow to my machismo can be evidenced by my current enjoyment of palate-tantalyzing herbal teas and my fascination with Dabney Coleman, who looks like he would be a great dad.

Seriously, though, I hate Voltron now.

Weekend

This weekend, eschewing the Halloween parties, ELV and I made our way to West Virginia to enjoy a getaway from the city. We chose to stay at a chalet in Berkeley Spring, WV, deep in the heart of the mountains. Sure, leaving Friday in the evening rain, with all those weekend rushers clogging the roads wasn't the best of ideas, but the clarity found in the total darkness of the mountains was well worth the three hours of aggrevation.

During our time at Berkeley Springs, we enjoyed a spa experience, soaking in the waters from a source that once bathed President Washington.

There are many jokes and stories to share abotu Berkeley Springs, but honestly, I'm too lazy to write them right now. There will be pictures, as well.

Instead, I'll just post a PBF comic and wipe my hands clean right now. Go Ravens.

Chewing on rocks is bad for the teeth

I chipped my tooth today. Just, pop, then a crack...that was it. The arrow in the figure to the right indicates an approximation where the crack in the tooth occurred. That was an awkward sentence.

Going to West Virginia this weekend.

Happy Halloween internet!

Nonsense?

New enteries in "American Idioms of the 21st Century."

You just ran over the diaper.
To do something that results in embarassment and/or humility. Example:
Jack: "Dude, she's gonna find out that it's cubic zirconium."
Gorin: "Yeah, you totally ran over the diaper."

Green balls.
A boast; To spend money one does not have. Example:
"Me? I've got green balls. That dude over there, he's the one with the money to pay the strippers. Let's get lap dances!'

Scattering needles.
To shake one's head, or to scratch one's head, resulting in dislodging hair; an unconscious result of anxiety or anger. This activity usually follows a bad experience. Example:
"Stop scattering needles on the poker table, cockass."

Wasayo, Blasting the wasayo.
To experience an orgasm from the male perspective. Wasayo is an abbreviation for Wasabi mayonaise. Example:
"I'm sorry, I blasted the wasayo too soon. Wait, don't go."

Dennie Greening.
To lose one's temper after a humiliating experience. Example:
Jerry: "How could you let them kick my ass? We could have gotten them if you hadn't just stood there laughing at me! They were nothing! They were who we thought they were!"
Gus: "Stop Dennie Greening, bitch.

Schtucking the kugel.
To meet with a jewish family of the jewess one is dating. Usually applies to a gentile dating a jewish individual. Example:
"Sorry, can't make it to the show. I'm stuck schtucking the kugel Saturday."

Spitting on the fender.
An exciting prelude to sexual activity, occurring en route to the bedroom, usually hours before coitus. Example:
"We were spitting on the fender at the diner. I couldn't wait to get her home."

Bachelor Party

Soper's bachelor party was interesting...strip club, porn, etc etc etc. The only thing to note is that a strip club is designed to spend a lot of money. Wow.

Quick hit thoughts:

• World Series tied 1-1...when did the Gambler become a good pitcher?
• Football...the week I don't start Vick, he goes and throws 4 TD's. What the crap.
• High Enders...apparently there are people who say a statement in a question form (higher voice at the end). Is this annoying?
• Jumping Jacks: I need to lose some weight. Pizza is good.
• Shout out to Namkang...baltimore Korean restaurant. Excellent.
  

KO on W

A well informed comment made by a newscaster who seeks to emulate Murrow. 10 minutes that gives voice to the frustration many feel about the current executive branch of our government.

Tenacious D

The next two months will be devoted to those Satan-worshipping mega-rock-outers TENACIOUS D. First off, November 17, the Tenacious D movie "Pick of Destiny" opens in theatres nationwide. From the preview, the plotline seems to be a backstory of the band and their quest to discover the pick of destiny, some magical item that makes non-stop rockin' possible. Check out the teaser preview to see the D performing to Bach. Heck, you've got one time UCB star Amy Poehler and movie man Tim Robbins endorsing the new movie in this clip for the ladies (highly recommended).

Additionally, with the prospect of a looming live viewing of JB and kage December 4th, here's a listing of great YouTube Tenacious D clips.

• Did you know that Dave Grohl, from Nirvana and Foo Fighter fame, played drums for the D's album? View him performing live with Tenacious D on a live performance of "Tribute."
• The original television clip of "Tribute" from the HBO Tenacious D show. Alternate lyrics and song structure aping "Stairway to Heaven." Interesting notes: I did not know that Tenacious D first started on Mr. Show, and the show was produced by Bob Odenkirk and David Cross.
• Souvenir satan picks! "Explosivo" on the Tenacious D show. The MC who introduces the band is Mr. Show regular Paul F. Thompkins.
• Great skit involving a spelling bee on SNL. The D's song at the end is decent, but the execution of the main joke (business) is an interesting utilization of dead-pan absurdity.
• Funny commercial for the album. Note to home viewers, plastic is a bad absorbant.
• Andy Serkis, the voice of Gollum in the Lord of the Rings, sings a song from Grease with the D in this bad concert footage of a hilarious live moment.
• Will the Time Goblin gobble up time? Will Abe Lincoln refuse to get shot in the head? This is a totes rad short commercial featuring Tenacious D as Time Fixers.

You know, making this little silly post, I realized that YouTube is a home of really crappy videos by people with no talent. Who the hell watches teenagers lipsynching to pop songs? Pedophilliac douche-bags...they are the reason why this is allowed. Google needs to develop a filter that removes reasons to hate music. This is the only one that I clicked on that inspired this portion of the post. Why'd I click? Because the tag line is "I never said I can sing" followed by a tongue sticking out emoticon. The cheekiness of it all...

The MNF Game

What can I add that Peter King doesn't point out in his Monday Morning Quarterback, Tuesday Edition? Heck, Dennis Green's raving post-game explosion best encapsulates the take home message of the MNF meltdown.

• "The Bears are who we thought they were!" Dennis Green said, yelling at the top of his lungs and pounding on the podium at his postgame press conference. "Now, if you want to crown them, then crown [them]! But they are who [we] thought they were! And we let them off the hook!" Green then stormed away.

What's the big conclusion from the epic meltdown of the Cardinals to the Bears? The Arizona Cardinals are absolutely, irrevocably, irrefutably awful.

I'm one of the many who fell asleep, shocked that the Cardinals had a 20 pt lead over the ferocious, fantastic, freakin' unbeatable Bears. Imagine waking up to the ridiculous replays showing Rackers missing the game winning field goal. Before anyone decides that Rackers needs to get the Vanderjagt treatment, the important question that needs to be raked over the coals is "WHAT WERE THE CARDINALS DOING BEHIND IN THE FOURTH QUARTER?" Sure, the Bears are a "team of destiny," according to Lovie Smith, but really, the Cardinals lost the game more than the Bears won...that's the reason for Rex Grossman's shite-eating grin during his post-game interview.

What's the main thing that we can point to for the Cardinals' phantasmically disgusting loss: Offensive line play/ground game. This is the stat of the night for me: Edge running for 55 yards on 36(!) carries with one fumble lost. That's about one and a half yards per carry. That's so bad that it makes the last days of Eddie George look like Tiki Barber's productivity. Edgerrin James was a product of the Colts excellent O-line play, and we now see that he's sub-mediocre.



NOTES AND SUCH:

• Someone, SOMEONE, has to be traded, kicked off, or sold for a ration of peanut butter from the Cardinals. Atone, for the football gods will not look kindly on this kind of choke.
• How happy are the Bears for the BYE week? No emotional letdown game (poor 49ers, if their matchup with the Bears came on Week 7 instead of Week 8, I'd seriously think that they'd have a shot to take down Chicago).
  
• Never blame a kicker if everyone else on the team failed.
• Anytime a coach goes crazy, like Dennis Green, during an interview, it makes for compelling television.
• EDGE sucks. Both the RB and the guitarist.
• Interested journalistic spin: Yahoo! recap of the game, "Chicago's Thomas Jones managed just 39 yards in 11 carries." The Bears only ran 16 times the ENTIRE game. But still, Jones was averaging more than 3 yards a carry...compare that to James.
  
• I'm still in shock over this game. Wow.

All Songs Considered

Just a quick note: if you haven't checked out NPR's Live Concert page, you're missing out.

Got the new Beck album. Good.

Fantasy Football

CHICAGO VS. ARIZONA, how it affects four matchups.

Commish’s Monday Morning QB (Yeah, I’m copying King, what of it?) - this article is for my fantasy football league. To check it out, click on this link. My team is called "Jackie Treehorn."

Before any controversy arises, let me spell out that the score change in the “I” team (Skora) is due to changes in his week 6 roster. Due to an emergency, the manager of the team could not review his roster, and after a phone conversation with me, I agreed to manage his roster. Just to make sure it isn’t unfair to the ephedrinators, the roster shown currently is the roster that would have been set if not for unforeseen circumstances. I hope you all understand this as an emergency situation, and not anything unseemly.

Now, onto Monday Night Football; has anyone been watching this season. For some reason, the move to ESPN, the lack of Madden, and the addition of Tony “Curmudgeon” Kornheiser has made for a lackluster product. First off, ESPN used to have the NFL Primetime on Sunday night, utilizing the Boomer says something in a funny voice with football highlights to make for an alright recap of the day’s events. Gone, now, is the Sunday Night Game, banished to NBC, and instead we have the Blitz folded into Sportscenter. What? Now I have to watch ESPN news to catch highlights of a few games rather than the comprehensive coverage that Sunday night on ESPN used to provide.

Second, as much as I complained about the sheer inanity that used to belch forth from the Hall of Fame coach/broadcaster/video game namesake, Madden was always entertaining. Who could forget his expert analysis using a telestrator to inform us that officials’ flags are weighted with unpopped popcorn seeds. Sure, Pat Summerall played a better foil, but Al Michaels is still a great play-by-play guy. What has ESPN done with the hallowed institution of MNF?

They inserted nothing new to the format, really, except for the three men and two women responsible to talk us through usually boring games. Mike Tirico, a responsible enough sort of chap, though completely uninterested in correctly spotting the ball. Tony Kornheiser, who has plenty of chutzpah but his patter isn’t loose enough. Its like listening to PTI light. The main reason for this dilution is the third male member of the broadcast booth, Mr. broken leg himself, Joe Theismann. Joe seems to think he possesses a formidable football IQ, and loves to lord it over the team. Joe likes to make small snide swipes at Kornheiser, growling responses to Kornheiser jokes, hardly masking his contempt. Instead of the comforting presence of a barely coherent Madden, we are given a bland black guy, a satirical journalist with no bite, and an ex-jock who still thinks he’s the shit. Thus, MNF, the show, sucks. Too bad, too, cause Suzy Kolber is a sideline reporter, and if Namath wanted some lip-locking with her that badly, then she must be a terrific snog.

Anyway, why write about MNF? Because of the implication of the game tonight on four matchups in our league:

1. THE MADAM'S ORGAN (Boldin, WR) vs BIG HAIR (Gould, K) = this is an open and shut case, right? ORGAN has a WR going with an 11+ pt lead. Well, take a look at the possibility of the Bears DEF shutting down Arizona's passing attack, seeing as how they haven't allowed a team to pass for more than 200 yds (stopping vaunted aerial assaults from Seattle, Green Bay, and Detroit) while totally dismantling the Bills last week (87 yds passing, 3 sacks, 3 INT). How have number 1 receivers fared against the Bears? Average: 6 receptions, 70 yards, .2 TD. Most of the yards coming in frantic passing attempts after the Bears compiled insurmountable leads. But still, Boldin is expected to get about 9 pts, right...that's a 20 pts lead. Well, here's the rub, Gould is the NFL's leading kicker. That's right. Last week, Gould scored 19 pts. He's yet to miss a kick. 3 in the 20 range, 6 from 30, and a whopping 8/8 from 40+. Arizona is a kicker friendly field. Additionally, against the Cardinals, Atlanta kickers got 6 field goal attempts ranging up to a 50+ attempt, plus 3 XPA. So, if the Bears can hold Boldin, Gould just could be the kicker to get Shaw a W. MY GUESS: MADAM'S ORGAN...for all my talk and stat analysis, I'd still trust a position player more than a kicker.

2. CHI-TOWN PREP (Muhammad, WR) vs. The Crying Continues (T.Jones, RB) = a 2+ pt lead for Crying, with the Bears featured back running for him. Can Muhammad get some catches, and land in the endzone? Here's hoping for a Cardinals/Bears shootout in order for Muhammad to get his catches. MY GUESS = CRYING CONTINUES, because the Bears are going to want to control the ball, giving less time to the Cardinals to air it out. Look for Thomas Jones to get 25 carries.

3. CHICAGO PATRIOTS (E. James, RB) vs. PILKINGTON'S REVENGE = with a 3+ pt lead going into the game, PILKINGTON is hoping that Edge isn't a factor. If James can torch the might Bears for forty yard, then the Patriots squeek out with the win. MY GUESS = PATRIOTS, because there's so many outs. Edge can carry the ball 12 times, gain 30 yards, and get one little outside flat reception for 12 yards, and there you go. Sure, he may not be a major factor in the game, but with such a small cushion, the Cardinals feature back is a good bet to get at least 4 pts (yahoo projects 9.68 pts).

HOOTIE McBOOB (Bears DEF) vs D&D DOMINATORS (Grossman, QB) = 6+ pt lead for Hootie, both the Bears D and Grossman projected about the same (13+pts). So do we just give it to Bill, who has the 6pt cushion. I don't think so. The Bears DEF has been averaging 27 points in our league...ranging from 14-41 points. Grossman's been averaging about 20 pts a game, ranging from 10.8 to 34.5. On average, Grossman has been good for about 14-18 points, but the outlying game, 34.5 pts versus the Lion's DEFENSE is intriguing only because the Lions are very similar to the Cardinals in makeup. Both have porous pass defenses and prolific pass offenses. My logic is this...the Bears may get involved in a shootout with the Cards. If so, we'll see Grossman unloosed, especially given his enjoyment of the long-ball to Berrian. If the Cards can get their two WRs to go crazy, then not only will the Bears D lose points, but Grossman will be compelled to throw. This matchup could be close. MY GUESS = Hootie gets the win because the Bears are just too good, and D&D will get their first loss when the pull Grossman for Griese late in the 3rd Quarter.

Built To Spill, October 10th 2006

Went to the 9:30 Club on Monday for a concert featuring Helvetia, Camper Van Beethoven, and Built to Spill. We left too late to check out the first band, but caught most of the Camper set. Sadly, they're not very good. Sound like a poor man's Wilco with an overtly obvious sense of humor. With lyrics that emphatically demonstrate their appreciation for hippy chicks and bowling, their music seemed to force a sort of indie humor that's way too "get it" to really be interesting (much like their punny band name). Additionally, they had one too many instrumental pieces that had absolutely no point. There was no build to a climax, no interesting viewpoint; rather, just a redux of dissonance mixed with a no-fi country kick. Sadly, the one song that ELV and I enjoyed, a poppy McCartney-sounding diddy, was a cover and featured la's that were not a part of the studio track.

Then came Built to Spill. If you haven't heard this band, then you don't listen to indie/college rock. Go to this link to read a review of their NYC show or to this link to listen to the NPR broadcast of THE show we attended in D.C.. The show featured a new twist compared to the show we attended a year and a half ago: a multimedia slideshow. Featuring simple and dreamy pictures, the band blew through track after track of tight, challenging rock songs. Doug Martsch, the lead singer, lead guitarist, lead writer...basically the band, writes excellent songs, and the execution of each song was flawless.

Great show, great band. Loved the cat video shown during "Broken Chairs."

The Decemberists: The Crane Wife

A song by song review as I listen to it...right now!!! (by the way, welcome back to the weary snow show-er)

The Decemberists - The Crane Wife

1. The Crane Wife 3: For an opener, its tight. Gentler than the Infanta. A rumbling folk song that's surprisingly concise and...the last 30 seconds feel like a Who song. The lead into the next track is great, very 70's prog rock.
2. The Island: Neat, very much like the Tain EP, broken up into three parts (Come and See/Landlord's Daughter/You'll Not Feel the Drowning), I'm surprised that the song isn't MORE preciously backward gazing. Geez, this is a long song. The first part where Meloy sings ("Come and See"), good, so far, no accordian...I'm getting some strong hints of R.E.M.. Right at the middle of the song, 6:13, no transition into The Landlord's Daughter...very much like ELP/prog rock stuff...wow, a cacaphony. Murder, intrigue...but the song is full and crisp. Neato...its like pirates finding a synthesizer on a rollicking sail through a proggy tidal wave...classical guitar and organ for the final part for last two minutes...very much an ole English folk song..."Go to sleep, little ugly...you'll not feel the drowning." As a whole, an intriguing second track. I'm exhausted now, though.
3. Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Then): a poppy duet with someone named Laura Veirs. Yeah, poppy. Its a pretty little ditty. I have a feeling this song will annoy some of you like "Sporting Life" or "July, July."
4. O Valencia!: you know, remover the curious stories behind the lyrics, and Maloy's vocal affectations, and alot of the songs are just pop ditties; this song is something out of Morrissey's solo discography. Yawn.
5. The Perfect Crime #2: Yeah...this is something new. Funky, a different bounce and feel...almost a baroque disco...Ok, I've got it, this song is a mixture of everything going on with rock music right now, executed by the Decemberists. You've got the Killers/NY sound mixed with the Brazilian Girls/Scissor Sisters dance music getting all mashed up with Maloy giving a surprisingly energy-less delivery. Sounds almost weary. I'm intrigued.
6. When the War Came: huh, its like a Tool/Perfect Circle sound...I don't know if I can take anymore of this album...I've been more of a fan of the "Eli the Barrowboy" or "Red Right Ankle" perfections, and this is like Tool mixed with U2. I don't like this song. I know some people who would love this song. I'm fast forwarding.
7. Shankill Butcher: soft, like a hot towel for my face after getting slapped around by track 6. Like a track from Her Majesty. Yup, standard Decemberists song. Like a familiar friend.
8. Summersong: Huh? Is this Edie Brickell? What's that song? "What I am is what you are is what I am..." HAHAHAHA, it is that song, except not! This sucks! What a crappy song.
9. The Crane Wife 1&2: Another 11 minute song. Sigh. Wait...ok, here we are, half way through, in the first part of the song, and this is a great song. The jerky delivery of Maloy's voice has been toned down. This song is great. The buildup is worth it. Again, almost exactly half way through (5:40) different song, softer...didn't like the transition...kind of slow after a great buildup in part 1...the end of part 2 is a nice Polyphonic Spree bit. Not bad.
10. Sons & Daughters: A decent little folk pop ditty. Not bad for a closer.
Extra Track: After the Bombs: A reprise.

Ok. After one listen...I can already tell that I don't like this as much as Picaresque, but for a major label debut, still appeals to the reason why you liked the Decemberists. On the whole, I think it is a stronger album, though I think the previous albums have had stronger individual songs. Neat to see them developing.

Grade: B+

(Going to Built To Spill tonight at 9:30 Club, yeehaw!)

The One Outer Limits

Here's a scene from the 1-2 No Limit table I was sitting.

I've got pocket aces. Preflop, I throw in a raise of 15 and get two callers. I've got the worst position, with the guy at the button having prime position. The flop comes 7-8-A with no flush possibility. I throw in a bet of 25, the next guy folds, and the button guy calls. The turn comes 8, at which point I throw in 60. Guy raises 60, at which I put him on an 8. I go all in at this point, another 160 dollars. He looks at me, says, "you've got pocket aces, don't you." I don't answer. He thinks of a long time, says, "I don't think you've got it, but even if you do, I've got outs."

Sure enough, he's got an 8. An 8-5 suited. Now get this.

He hits the one out-er...beating me with quad 8s.

There are many reasons why this bad beat plagues me. Did I not raise enough at the flop? Should I have raised more at the turn? Should I have folded aces-full...of course not. This is an example of a poor play by a worse players, but it confirms something I've been joking about for years: I've got horrible luck.

Bachelor Party Blues

Planning a bachelor party is tough.

Bad Luck Songs

Ok, after reading Kid W's comment, I have to write this blurb: There is a certain song that seems to precede bad luck/misfortunate events in my life. The song in question, I think its called "Amanda" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, has played on my car radio before two traffic stops, two car accidents, one breakup, one partial nervous breakdown, and one time that a bunch of people thought I had killed myself (which is a strange story for a long walkabout). The damn song curses me, and though I remain dilligent to avoid it, if I hear one pluck of the guitar string, something wicked this way comes.

*****

Black cats do not cause bad luck.
Numina haunt the romas.
Those people need dates too.

Time for some QUICK HITS

• Went to the Ravens Chargers game Sunday. Such a spectacle, a pagentry of beer bellies, obnoxious behavior, and meat-laden grills, all in the parking lot. The game was fantastic, though sitting next to one of the handful of Charger fans was not quite kosher (happy Yom Kippur). Oh, and to the stupid drunk guy who was making fun of said Charger fan, just know that he's going to make a whole lot money than your white-trashy person will ever acquire.
  
• The class divisions between poor and rich can be separated additionally into educated vs. uneducated. For you uneducated poor or rich people, stop voting.
• Who doesn't like Built to Spill?
• My fish have mouth fungus.
• Standardchuck maxim of the day (#44, subcontext a): drinking at 9am is not acceptable ever.