Fantasy Football

CHICAGO VS. ARIZONA, how it affects four matchups.

Commish’s Monday Morning QB (Yeah, I’m copying King, what of it?) - this article is for my fantasy football league. To check it out, click on this link. My team is called "Jackie Treehorn."

Before any controversy arises, let me spell out that the score change in the “I” team (Skora) is due to changes in his week 6 roster. Due to an emergency, the manager of the team could not review his roster, and after a phone conversation with me, I agreed to manage his roster. Just to make sure it isn’t unfair to the ephedrinators, the roster shown currently is the roster that would have been set if not for unforeseen circumstances. I hope you all understand this as an emergency situation, and not anything unseemly.

Now, onto Monday Night Football; has anyone been watching this season. For some reason, the move to ESPN, the lack of Madden, and the addition of Tony “Curmudgeon” Kornheiser has made for a lackluster product. First off, ESPN used to have the NFL Primetime on Sunday night, utilizing the Boomer says something in a funny voice with football highlights to make for an alright recap of the day’s events. Gone, now, is the Sunday Night Game, banished to NBC, and instead we have the Blitz folded into Sportscenter. What? Now I have to watch ESPN news to catch highlights of a few games rather than the comprehensive coverage that Sunday night on ESPN used to provide.

Second, as much as I complained about the sheer inanity that used to belch forth from the Hall of Fame coach/broadcaster/video game namesake, Madden was always entertaining. Who could forget his expert analysis using a telestrator to inform us that officials’ flags are weighted with unpopped popcorn seeds. Sure, Pat Summerall played a better foil, but Al Michaels is still a great play-by-play guy. What has ESPN done with the hallowed institution of MNF?

They inserted nothing new to the format, really, except for the three men and two women responsible to talk us through usually boring games. Mike Tirico, a responsible enough sort of chap, though completely uninterested in correctly spotting the ball. Tony Kornheiser, who has plenty of chutzpah but his patter isn’t loose enough. Its like listening to PTI light. The main reason for this dilution is the third male member of the broadcast booth, Mr. broken leg himself, Joe Theismann. Joe seems to think he possesses a formidable football IQ, and loves to lord it over the team. Joe likes to make small snide swipes at Kornheiser, growling responses to Kornheiser jokes, hardly masking his contempt. Instead of the comforting presence of a barely coherent Madden, we are given a bland black guy, a satirical journalist with no bite, and an ex-jock who still thinks he’s the shit. Thus, MNF, the show, sucks. Too bad, too, cause Suzy Kolber is a sideline reporter, and if Namath wanted some lip-locking with her that badly, then she must be a terrific snog.

Anyway, why write about MNF? Because of the implication of the game tonight on four matchups in our league:

1. THE MADAM'S ORGAN (Boldin, WR) vs BIG HAIR (Gould, K) = this is an open and shut case, right? ORGAN has a WR going with an 11+ pt lead. Well, take a look at the possibility of the Bears DEF shutting down Arizona's passing attack, seeing as how they haven't allowed a team to pass for more than 200 yds (stopping vaunted aerial assaults from Seattle, Green Bay, and Detroit) while totally dismantling the Bills last week (87 yds passing, 3 sacks, 3 INT). How have number 1 receivers fared against the Bears? Average: 6 receptions, 70 yards, .2 TD. Most of the yards coming in frantic passing attempts after the Bears compiled insurmountable leads. But still, Boldin is expected to get about 9 pts, right...that's a 20 pts lead. Well, here's the rub, Gould is the NFL's leading kicker. That's right. Last week, Gould scored 19 pts. He's yet to miss a kick. 3 in the 20 range, 6 from 30, and a whopping 8/8 from 40+. Arizona is a kicker friendly field. Additionally, against the Cardinals, Atlanta kickers got 6 field goal attempts ranging up to a 50+ attempt, plus 3 XPA. So, if the Bears can hold Boldin, Gould just could be the kicker to get Shaw a W. MY GUESS: MADAM'S ORGAN...for all my talk and stat analysis, I'd still trust a position player more than a kicker.

2. CHI-TOWN PREP (Muhammad, WR) vs. The Crying Continues (T.Jones, RB) = a 2+ pt lead for Crying, with the Bears featured back running for him. Can Muhammad get some catches, and land in the endzone? Here's hoping for a Cardinals/Bears shootout in order for Muhammad to get his catches. MY GUESS = CRYING CONTINUES, because the Bears are going to want to control the ball, giving less time to the Cardinals to air it out. Look for Thomas Jones to get 25 carries.

3. CHICAGO PATRIOTS (E. James, RB) vs. PILKINGTON'S REVENGE = with a 3+ pt lead going into the game, PILKINGTON is hoping that Edge isn't a factor. If James can torch the might Bears for forty yard, then the Patriots squeek out with the win. MY GUESS = PATRIOTS, because there's so many outs. Edge can carry the ball 12 times, gain 30 yards, and get one little outside flat reception for 12 yards, and there you go. Sure, he may not be a major factor in the game, but with such a small cushion, the Cardinals feature back is a good bet to get at least 4 pts (yahoo projects 9.68 pts).

HOOTIE McBOOB (Bears DEF) vs D&D DOMINATORS (Grossman, QB) = 6+ pt lead for Hootie, both the Bears D and Grossman projected about the same (13+pts). So do we just give it to Bill, who has the 6pt cushion. I don't think so. The Bears DEF has been averaging 27 points in our league...ranging from 14-41 points. Grossman's been averaging about 20 pts a game, ranging from 10.8 to 34.5. On average, Grossman has been good for about 14-18 points, but the outlying game, 34.5 pts versus the Lion's DEFENSE is intriguing only because the Lions are very similar to the Cardinals in makeup. Both have porous pass defenses and prolific pass offenses. My logic is this...the Bears may get involved in a shootout with the Cards. If so, we'll see Grossman unloosed, especially given his enjoyment of the long-ball to Berrian. If the Cards can get their two WRs to go crazy, then not only will the Bears D lose points, but Grossman will be compelled to throw. This matchup could be close. MY GUESS = Hootie gets the win because the Bears are just too good, and D&D will get their first loss when the pull Grossman for Griese late in the 3rd Quarter.