Random Wikipedia Time

Let's see if the "Random Article" feature brings us some wisdom from wikipedia:

• Iain Harvie (born May 19, 1962) is the guitarist with the Scottish rock band called Del Amitri.
• Pamela ("Pam") Bustin (b. April 24, 1967, Somerset, Massachusetts) is a former field hockey defender from the United States, who was a member of the US women's team that finished fifth at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia.
• Church of the light (sometimes called "Church with Light") is the Ibaraki Kasugaoka Church's main chapel.
• Blastaar, sometimes called the Living Bomb-Burst, is a Marvel Comics supervillain.
• Jagjit Singh (1912-2002) was an Indian writer and science popularizer.

Nope, nothing there.

It Came From Craigslist: Ugly ass palm tree picture frame

http://baltimore.craigslist.org/zip/385688578.html

Sports: Are you ready to grumble!

So, Kevin Garnett is finally on the move. After over a decade of playing with the Timberwolves, K.G. is off to Boston to try to win a championship with Paul Pierce and Ray Allen. Not only is this trade the apex of the NBA off-season, barring a sudden Kobe Bryant sell-off, but the move also shifts the balance of power in the Eastern Conference. Suddenly, a lottery team becomes one of the top three teams in the dilapidated East, at least for the next two years.

Garnett is still one of the top power forwards in basketball. Assuming that the regains his zeal to play the game after a series of down years (and by down years, K.G. is a member of the Third-Team All-NBA rather than First-Team), he'll be joined by one of the best pure-shooting two's in the game, Ray Allen, though his best days are behind him. Not only has he not played a full season in 8 years, but he's 31, an age when most shooting guards get rusty. Expect him to transition into a three-point specialist in the mode of Reggie Miller's last days in Indy.

At the three spot, Paul Pierce has got to be licking his chops. With the outside presence of Allen and the inside domination in K.G., double P is going to have a field day slashing around the court. Expect to see him happy and healthy (unless he gets into another nightclub stabbing incident) as a member of a big three.

Now, what did the Wolves get back for giving up their franchise cornerstone.

1. The expiring Theo Ratclif contract: its money in the bank. Theo comes off the books and you've got cap space to make some moves...hopefully to sign the next big thing in the drafts to come.


2. Al Jefferson: the one positive during the Danny Ainge years was the development of Al Jefferson. He's going to be a productive member of a team...though he could lose focus playing for a crappy T-Wolves organization.


3. Sebastian Telfair: hahaha, he's your problem now Minnesota.


4. Gerald Green: another decent player, more a role player type. He'll be good for 10 points a night with effort on the defensive end.


5. Draft picks...Minnesota covets these as they prepare for rebuilding over the next few years.

Who wins? I think this trade is a wash. Sure, Boston gets a possible title run (on paper, everything is possible) but for a few years. After that, Boston will be back in the depths of lottery hell. At the end of it, expect Danny Ainge to be fired. If Boston stumbles out the block next season, expect coaching changes and all sorts of panic from the Boston faithful. Minnesota is not going to draw a crowd with the exciting Gerald Green/Al Jefferson/Ricky Davis trio. However, in a few years, Minnesota will have cap space to sign another marquee player.

*****

In other NBA news, Eddy Curry and Antoine Walker were victims of robberies. Among the items stolen, a $55,000 watch from Eddy Curry's mansion.

*****

MLB: Mark Texiera is headed for the Braves. After speculation that Texiera would return to Baltimore, his hometown, Orioles fans are down in the dumps that we couldn't land the big mid-season target...again. However, the Orioles organization is sure that they can sign Albert Belle to an long term deal.

****

Mike Vick, your friend dimed on you. This is the end of Vick, my friends. At least we've got another scrambling quarterback making waves: long live Vince Young.

News and Reviews

Here we go, another info dump after the weekend:

• T-minus a couple of months before the Na Parents move back from Korea. They might be staying with me for a time before making another move. My stomach churns with nervousness.
• The Ruben wedding...lovely occasion held at historic Mt. Vernon. The new Mrs. Ruben looked stunning in her dress, and the Rube never looked so dapper. Great event leading to...
• Wheel gave me his sickness! Loud noises, close talking...its a recipe for cold transmission.
• The Simpson movie...pretty darn good. We were sitting quite close to the screen (whoever was the greedy bastard to place additional seating that close to the screen for the extra forty tickets per screening, may God have mercy on your soul) so the motion sickness was in full effect. Good jokes, surprisingly heartfelt moments, and every single character that didn't die through the run of the series. Its is a standalone movie, thus no need to worry about continuity in the tv series...

My head is swimming...Emergen-C it is.

America the Greatest Country in the World

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070727/ap_on_fe_st/jokester_dentist

A dentist implants tusks into a female assistant's mouth.
She sues him.
He settles for $250,000 after his insurance company denies coverage on malpractice.
Dentist sues insurance company.
Wins $750,000.

Net earnings through jurisprudence: a cool half a million.

I love America.

ITO: Is This Offensive?

"Not even inebriated tubby girls desperate at closing time have swarmed the Noise when doused in Axe … "

http://sports.yahoo.com/fantasy/nfl/news?slug=be-posprimer07-qb

Another sign that humor is under attack

Tell me, how is this hilarious?

http://baltimore.craigslist.org/zip/383092109.html

Hilarious MARDI GRAS beads!

Simpsons Baseball on ESPN

Great article about the Simpsons episode featuring Mr. Burns' softball team ringers.

What the Heck Happened to Sports?

We're in crisis mode, folks. Not since the pronounced death of baseball during the strike year a decade ago, or unwatchable NBA (post-MJ Bulls and pre-2003) has the American sports scene been so dreadful. Every major sports league is under attack:

• Baseball: the albatross of Barry Bonds hung around the neck of MLB. Will baseball ever get over the taint of steroid use on the slugging records of recent superstars? The last meaningful record breaking moment without the stink of steroids was Ripken's consecutive games streak. Since then, nothing but juicers mashing the ball.
• Basketball: sure, the Detroit melee was bad. The referee gambling scandal is much worse, bringing into question the integrity of the game. Sure, bball fans have always criticized the quality of NBA referees. However, the fix appears to be on, especially when reviewing critical playoff games such as last year's Spurs-Suns game 2 fiasco. Read Sports' Guy's take. Basketball is a game with limited participants compared to the 9 a side in baseball and the 11 a side in football. Five on five games with three refs allow for one person to influence the game tremendously. The NBA is not going to be able to shake the "ref's been paid" thought that will now often be thought during a professional game. Additionally, you won't see that Vegas team anymore.
• Football: Oh, Mike Vick. You of supreme talent (at running) but questionable morales (remember Mexico?)(remember his brother?). You have added additional shame to the NFL, who only two years ago was being lauded as a squeeky clean pro athletic institution. Now, we've got steroids lurking around (Merriman), crime running rampant (any Bengal, Tank Johnson, Pacman Crazy-Jones), and an angry retired players community. Recently, a friend of mine sent me a list of 7 news points from the sports page...six were crime related, with only one link about a free agent signing. We've come to the point where Sportscenter is now going to be on CourtTV.
• Hockey: is anyone watching this league? Not I, since the lockout.
• Soccer: ooooohhhhh, Beckham came over and now I have to care about inferior football. I'm not saying that soccer is inferior to american football...I'm saying that the MLS is inferior to american football. Now, an aged midfielder is supposed to set the USA aflame...something that Pele couldn't do.

I mourn sports in its current state.

Onto sadder news: Drew Carey is the replacement for Bob Barker on the Price is Right. There's a joke in here somewhere, but I'm too busy imagining a musical version of Plinko. This is a stupid choice. Obviously, the right answer was Dan Patrick.

What a Stupid I Am

Yes, that's 207 million dollars pictured to the right. Who leaves 207 million dollars at home?

This March 16, 2007 file photo provided by Mexico's Attorney General's office shows the largest seizure of cash in the history of drug enforcement, around US$ 207 million seized at Zhenli Ye Gon's home, a Chinese-Mexican businessman in Mexico City. Mexican federal officials said on Monday, July 23, 2007, that alleged drug trafficker Zhenli Ye Gon, who is tied to the largest seizure of drug cash in world history, has been arrested in Rockville, Maryland. He is wanted in Mexico on organized crime, drug trafficking and weapons charges and Mexican officials have requested his arrest for extradition.

Link: http://www.philly.com/philly/wires/ap/news/nation/washington/cabinet/8687377.html

Postie

With aching body, I jot this down:

• work at 8:30am...whoever decided to start work pre-9 am is a bastard.
• The "Who's Now" segments on SportsCenter are the worst summer segment produced by any show in the history of entertainment (including vaudeville). Shame on you, ESPN. Here's a list of bad ESPN things...if you have any more, let me know:
  
• ESPN Hollywood
• Bonds on Bonds
• Mohr Sports (Jay Mohr)
  
• Who's Next - take a look at some of the winners they picked back in '02.
• 100 NASCAR Moments
• Softball update...went 1/3 with a single, scoring a run on a fielder's choice. This season, three games, I'm 6/10, 1 double, 3 homeruns, 5 Runs, 7 RBIs. Our team is 3-0

Quick Apology

Wow, I didn't realize that the Listening Post is both unfunny and a chore to read. Shame.

Listening Post: Spoon and Mid-2007 Best Of List(s)

Since at Standardchuck's we don't like to create anything original, all we can do is critique the opinions posted by others. Thus, another edition of the Listening Post.

First, here's a review of the new Spoon album, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga, where we listen to the intro, a chorus, and the final 20 seconds of each track:

1. "Don't Make Me A Target" - Man, does this track remind me of...well, every Spoon song ever...which is fine by me, since Spoon is reliable, well-crafted guitar pop. Not a great chorus, and finishes a bit rough.
2. "The Ghost of You Lingers" - This song sounds like a Gary Epstein song.
3. "You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb" - The sixties soul sound needs to be resurrected...oh, wait, thanks Amy Winehouse, and this song. I have a few friends who say that they hate the sound of the sax and the soul sound. Sure, E Street and the 80's overused the sax accent, but there's something so guttural and sexy about a nice tenor sax. Oh, hell, I listened to this entire song...great song.
   
4. "Don't You Evah"
5. "Rhythm & Soul"- Finger snaps, hand claps...you know, one thing I will never forget, working at an independent record store in Greensboro, North Carolina, I remember an exchange where I told the co-workers (including dark haired, plastic framed glasses guy who looked like the Verizon "Can You Hear Me Now?" guy, the fat dude with the green lantern shirt who listens to death metal AND Neil Sedaka, and the blond guy with the ponytail and vintage sweaters who always, ALWAYS picked the Magnetic Fields when it was his turn to choose an album to play over the sound system) that I really liked the Get Up Kids single "Mass Pike." The fat guy yells from the back, "Hand claps are where it's at...but the Get Up Kids suck raggedy."
   
6. "Eddie's Ragga" - A ragga.
7. "The Underdog" - This song reminds me of Billy Joel. Is that a good thing? Good buildup.
   
8. "My Little Japanese Cigarette Case" - I'm offended by this title and my quitting of smoking...I skip this song.
9. "Finer Feelings" - Funky...I'm sure people at Ottobar BritPop would dance to this, but without a smile. I'm craving some Clash right about now.
10. "Black Like Me" - You can't...always...get...what'cha want.

Overall...from the 10 minutes I've listened to (total running time ~36 minutes), I'd have to give this a hearty thumbs up...3 Jon Brion's out of 4.

--------------------------------

So, while perusing the nice, free mp3's for sampling at elbo.ws, ran across this post from the blog The Yellow Stereo. Three brave souls have compiled a "Best 10 Tracks of 2007" thus far. The compilers had four rules:

A. One song from each artist only
B. No remixes
C. Nothing that hasn’t been released yet {chuck's note: double negative!}
D. Nothing from around this date

So, what I'll do is now listen to all the tracks and give you my stream-of-consciousness ramble for each track, followed by a bracketed quick decision of life (thumbs up) or death (thumbs down). Are you not entertained?!!

PJ's Picks

1. "I Was a Daughter" Basia Bulat - Oh hand claps, but the fast, exotic hand claps! Ompah, ompah, this song suffers from the exhaustion I feel concerning the precious Sufjan Stevens syndrome that has infected much of the indie world. The middle third is beautiful, allowing Basia's voice to stretch out and take over the song, but the hand claps and snare drum just distract. The song is too layered with instrumentation, following a quirky Wall of Sound approach. I will check out more Basia but I will have to decide [DEATH].
2. "No Comply" Studio - Off the bat, I hate this song. I'm imagining Smurfs skipping through a hallucinogenic forest...then the guy starts singing, and I imagine the Smurfs being given the "come hither" Duran Duran eyes, and the Smurfs succumbing. There's smiley, giggly coke-fueled butt shaking. I'm sure this is playing in the background at the meeting that Hans Gruber led to plan the takeover of Nakatomi Plaza. [DEATH]
3. "My Punishment For Fighting" The Rosebuds - I know, the band name probably comes from Citizen Kane, but for some reason I imagine that scene from Tommy Boy where Chris Farley rubs his nose against his "naughty pet" dinner roll. So far, PJ, you're batting an 0/3 as far as matching up with my musical tastes...this song is great if you really like Eurotrash. [DEATH]
4. "The Magic Position" Patrick Wolf - Don't get me wrong...I like some Eurotrash, as well as what I like to term Rainbow-Pop (exemplified by Junior Senior). I really like this song...having jammed to it for a while, ever since it was posted on MOKB. Its hokey, cheesy, unabashedly happy...it extrudes the hip wiggles out of even me, and I'm practically a 2x4 when it comes to dancing. What would the magic position be? The Butterfly? The Lotus? The Blow Up Doll Raft? [LIFE]
5. "Plasticities" Andrew Bird - If you haven't listened to Andrew Bird, then I turn my nose up at you in mock outrage. His album "Armchair Apocrypha" is a fantastic album...my personal favorite track is "Heretics." Sensitive naval-gazing music that is also aurally interesting. [LIFE]
6. "Ain't Never Been Cool" Lucky Soul - I imagine that PJ would be really happy in a world like "Hairspray." Bubblegum...too sweet. Just to nitpick, its COOL, not COO. [DEATH]
7. "Don't Lose Yourself" Laura Veirs - Liz Phair meets the Postal Service...I'm only going to vote positively on this song because I don't hate it. [LIFE]
8. "Mistaken For Strangers" The National - I love the song "Fake Empire." Great song that builds slowly until breaking into a mood similar to the feeling after a good, long torturous cry. This song is really loud in the bass department, which is unique. I've heard better 2 minute ditties, but its alright. [LIFE]
9. "A Sentence of Sorts in Kongsvinger" Of Montreal - Something happened to Of Montreal over the years. I remember them as purveyors of sappy sweet pop confection, folksy and strummy, like a happier American version of Belle and Sebastian. Then they found techno sounds and quirky lyrics that betray a bitter heart. Sure, you can rail against the commercial sellout with the Outback Steakhouse commercial song, but the new album Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? is great...I mean, really great. The words are bitter pills wrapped in dance music that intrigues the ears with hooks a plenty. [LIFE]
10. "Left Foot Stepdown" The Bees - I thought we ended the one word band names after the run of Strokes and Killers, but here comes the Bees. Really, there wasn't a band called the Bees in the history of rock? The B Sharps...now that was a band. This song is a ragga, horns, choruses (reminds me of "Fernando's Hideaway")...I'm sure that there are plenty who will not like this type of backward gazing, but I have to say, this is a great track. A little ominous, just the way I like my singles...sneaky. [LIFE]
11. I'm not going to review this song...its supposed to be 10...respect the guidelines.

OVERALL RATING FOR PJ: The only surprise track was the Bee's smoldering Specials-type tune, but given PJ's love of gimmicky pop and utter disregard for rules and guidelines, I award PJ no points, and may God have mercy upon your soul.

Pablo's Picks:

1. "Imitosis" Andrew Bird - I like it (I'm going to go with the whole brevity thing, dude) [LIFE]
2. "(Antichrist Television Blues)" Arcade Fire - For some reason, my Internet is lagging, so in replacement, I will review the track "Bring the Ruckus" by the Wu Tang Clan. Wu Tang is tight. You know, my old PI, Dr. Bubba, loved a martial arts film called "The Five Deadly Venoms." Good movie...though I'm more partial to the Drunken Master series or the Once Upon a Time In China films. Anyway, Wu Tang gets a [LIFE]
3. "Ray of Zdarlight" The Avalanches - A Google search of "zdarlight" brought me the following line: "Zdarlight is a one sided super monster tune!" The track "Zdarlight" by Digitalism is a different song...with its own crappy CG video. Watch out, ravers, there are ugly CG robots in space who want to drink your glow stick juice! The Avalanches' song is a sped-up disco song. I'm not in the mood for this for the sun is out, I'm not drunk, and I'm not being felt up by Johnny Cakes. [DEATH]
4. "Sleepdriving" Archives - Sometimes I see only the word contained in a larger word...such as "chives" in "archives." Why is the word pronounced "ar-CHIVES?" You know, because of Frito-Lay, I associate chives forever with sour cream. This song would make me fall asleep while driving...pretty song. Too pretty. [DEATH]
5. "Elephant Gun" Beirut - I hate the drinking game that shares the same name as the band. Then again, I hate all drinking games. Song: multi-tracked affected vocals + mandolin + accordion = a crappy carnival song. If the lyrics were in french, this track could fit on the Amelie soundtrack. [DEATH]
6. "2x2" Get Him Eat Him - Love the name of the band. Checked out their homepage. What struck me most is that this is one of the geekiest looking bands of all time. Second thing, their label is named Absolutely Kosher Records. Third, they have a blog about sandwiches (oh so preciously entitled "Get Sammiches, Eat Sammiches"). Alright, so for the song, I grant thee [LIFE], for trying to be so damned likable, I cast thee [DEATH].
7. "Sunday Morning" K-os - Executed using a sound similar to Gnarls Barkley. What do you think of the chorus: "Everyday is Saturday night, but I can't wait for Sunday morning?" A world of eternal Saturday nights...I would have to reconfigure my wardrobe to include more club clothes and extra pairs of underwear...oh, who am I kidding...I don't need underwear. [LIFE]
8. "Mistaken For Strangers" The National - Good song, nuff said...[LIFE]
9. “Talking With Fireworks/Here It Never Snowed” | The Twilight Sad - I know a group of guys who will love this song. The group that love Sigur Ros, God Speed You Black Emporor, Mogwai, and freakin' wind chimes...I like the parts with the singing, but the rest of instrumental nonsense, I could do without. "I love you, always have, always will." [DEATH]
10. "Paris is Burning" St. Vincent - This is a well crafted waltz. Like the best of Tori Amos. A maddening cavalcade of hand claps and death march music. In other words, a novel attempt, but I still hate it. [DEATH]

OVERALL FOR PABLO - I like his choices a bit more, simply because there are downer songs included, not just the shiny, happy tracks from PJ's frivolous list. I think I was harder on Pablo, so I award him two kosher pickles out of four.


I grow tired of this post. Download these tracks and more from THE YELLOW STEREO. I promise myself...next Listening Post...focus on ONE CD.

So I end this with one final thought: check out the video for D.A.N.C.E by Justice...good video, not bad song.

Get Me Away, I'm Dying

So not everything is supposed to be easy.

Can't seem to get anything going without bad luck interfering.

Resorting to not sleeping at night to while away the hours.

Cryptic, maybe, but I just want a steady job.

Movies Are Much Like My Nightmares

Bladensburg, MD - Kwik-E Mart

Sorry for the quality of some of these shots...you should have seen me at the Kwik-E Mart. I was bouncing up and down from the rush that filled me from such a pure dosage of crass commercialization.
Great shot by ELV as we drove by the Bladensburg 7-11 that had been transformed into a Kwik-E Mart in a brilliant cross-promotion for the Simpsons Movie. The place was swamped with people. A great ad promotional event.
ELV took a picture of the sign with me in front, but I didn't want to disseminate any photos of me looking like the "Comic Book Guy." I'm serious, my midsection is so huge it has its own weather system.

Some of the items on sale especially for the promotion: Krusty-O's brand cereal, Buzz Cola, Kwik-E Mart hats, Homer head cookies, Simpsons-colored doughnuts. The items were flying. In the 15 minutes we were inside the store, the stock guy brought out cases of the cola and cereal, only to have the stacks disappear at a tremendous rate. What a windfall for the store: six-pack of the cola for $7 and the cereal $5. The special "Squishee" promotion had five different cups, each $2...people were routinely walking out with one of each item...about $30 per person!

But more important, the joy in the store...in the picture above, take a look at the guy with the crutches. See that look on his face as he looks at Homer? That's the feel of the store...except for poor ELV, who had some difficulty with the Squishee machine...there's something wrong when a beverage stains your skin with only an exposure of a few seconds. ELV did not feel more like a Simpsons character even though her fingers were Maggie-Orange.
Yes, I was very happy.

There were other things in the store...every corner a joke or Simpsons iconography. If you have one of these Kwik-E conversions, definitely visit it.

Finally a random picture from Bladensburg:
What does the "BEER: On & Off" sign mean?

Listening Post: Smashing Pumpkins "Zeitgeist" - now with more editting!

The latest "Smashing Pumpkins" release, Zeitgeist, is in my hot little hands (thanks to Vini) and ready for a song-by-song listening blog review! You know, scratch the exclamation point at the end of the introductory sentence, because I’m about as excited as this guy playing cricket.

Before we get to far into this, I have to profess that I was an uber-fan of the Pumpkins during the nineties. The album Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness profoundly influenced my palate for rock music, particularly feeding my desire to listen to quirky, one-off pieces of pop tomfoolery without sacrificing the crunch of thrash.

The work of Billy Corgan seemed to intimate that you can be an artistic genius while still enjoying finely crafted pop tunes and beautiful classical compositions. Mix in the fiery jangle of "Gish" and the anthemic rise of "Siamese Dream" (plus the discovery of James Iha's sensitive guy songs like "Blew Away" or "The Boy") you've got a tasty piece of extra tasty, crispy Alternative Rock.

But something happened in the latter days: band went all ga-ga over industrial, leading to some experiments that really weren't all that interesting...you can a defense for left-field experimentation such as Radiohead's Kid A as long as it remains aurally intriguing. Machina got two spins in my CD player before being relegated to the undisturbed graveyard/CD Binder filled with sampler CDs from my time at Borders.

Then, the final days: Corgan versus Iha and D'Arcy, who can kill the band. To Corgan's credit, maybe D'Arcy was a heroin addict, and I'm sure it wasn't a very rock star moment when Iha, with tears in his eyes, suggested that they cover "When You Wish Upon a Star." To counter, Billy Corgan being all Jason Lee in "Almost Famous" or better yet, Lee Mavers of the La's, probably contributed to the fractured relationship with Iha...that and using Corgan's blog to slag at Iha and D'Arcy.

So the band splits up, leading Corgan on the Zwan/Cheap Trick/"The indulgent rock star's I'm enjoying my riches and just mailing in project ideas because I don't need the adoration of my fans though I expect it" phase of his career. Not that the world cared...there were plenty of other bands to get into during that time that no one really missed the Pumpkins. End of story, right?

Nope, either there isn't much fulfilment for Corgan in playing acoustic versions of "Honestly" or "DIA" at the Metro or maybe he's run out of money, so here come Zeitgeist, which features Corgan, Jimmy Chamberlain (like he could pass up on an offer from Corgan), and, for the tour...some people! It's like Corgan went UHF and thinks that the Pumpkins don't need no stinkin' Iha and D'Arcy.

So, they release "Zeitgeist." I'm hoping that the album isn't awful. However, two spectres that haunt the possibilities of enjoying this album: 1>the political album cover: the Pumpkins have never been super political...this is a radical departure. 2> The kick in the balls: they released multiple versions of the album, each containing a different bonus track...meaning you have to buy multiple albums to get all the bonus tracks. Hell, even the song with the album title isn't on the standard album track listing. Thank goodness for piracy!

As you can see, I have a serious bias against this album...so let's see what fun happens as we listen.

Track 1: Doomsday Clock
Before I press play, just a note: this song is on the "Transformers" soundtrack: a movie that I have promised not to see in the theater. For what its worth, I now hate Corgan just a little bit more.

Five seconds of Chamberlain drumming, then the fuzz begins. I'm trying to think about something snarky to say about the song, but there's really nothing here to point out. It sounds like vintage Pumpkins, listenable. Sure, Corgan's voice sounds a bit weaker, the guitar work is a droning boring thing, but there's alot of the same Pumpkins working ideas, like propulsive drumming, the multiple Corgan voices singing choruses at you (a swarm of nasal bees), and, of course, the electronica influence. The break at ~2:40 was cheesy.

You know, I've got the same squirming feeling that I had when I was listening to Adore for the first time...I'm not going to like the rest of this. Although with Adore, there were a few nice tracks, so maybe I'll get a few tunes for a playlist entitled "I must be getting older because all the bands of my youth are attempting comebacks." Come on, we've got to get a Blind Melon/Alice In Chains/Toad the Wet Sprocket supergroup!

Track 2: 7 Shades of Black
There's this "squibbly flabbidy doo" guitar line through this song that sounds like a magic 80's power riff which, as described by Patton Oswalt, has the power to change the physical properties of things...with the power of their rock. To quote master Oswalt (in Road Warrior getup), "that grilled cheese sandwich isn't melted, squibbiddy flabbity doo! -ahh, man, the sandwich is all gooey and melty! You are like a median genius!"

At ~2:18, dual electric guitar solo, be still my heart. This song sucks...there are so many reason to dislike this song, but I think the best way to get across how bad this song is...click this youtube clip.

Track 3: Bleeding the Orchid
I should hate this song from the start: "ahhs" from unaccompanied Corgan voices: imagine a chorus of angels greeting you to the everlasting fields of rest sounding like Corgan - nasal angels with attitude! Quick, someone pitch this idea to the Trinity Broadcasting Network; with a few pounds of makeup and bad wigs, you've got yourself a full hour of Jesus power! Rock and roll angels...kinda like Stryper ("Always There For You)!

Sorry, I haven't been paying attention to the song. It sounds kind of pretty. This song actually has a bit of artistry compared to the blunt force trauma of the first two tracks. This song could be in a documentary about the underground Seattle coffee scene at Pikes Place Market during the 90's, filmed in black and white with slightly off-focus shots of unwashed guys in flannel, or a documentary about Stryper.

Track 4: That's the Way (My Love Is)
I've always hated parenthetical titles (for sure). Sure, some titles need it, driving home the idea of "What's So Funny About (Peace, Love and Understanding)?". However, too many bands use it for no other reason than pretentiousness: hell, the band on the top of the pretentious hill, Sigur Ros, released an album signified only with a parenthesis (). Just write the name of the song and get on with it.

This song has a shimmery, wintery quality of guitar work, a poppy chorus that bring to mind a Garbage-esque phrasing, and...what the hell?!! At about ~2:02, the song goes all schmaltzy! Hold on, I have to rewind this: Corgan's voice is all soft "I'm talking to lady friend" and there's this little high feedback Casio buzzing in the background. That was one of those unfortunate breaks that destroys the feel of a song...much like all of Rivers Cuomo's solos in the "Green" album, where the whole emotional thread is destroyed by the lazy, non-work turned in by talented musicians. Corgan, you need Iha back for the lead guitar work that makes the sum better than the parts. Much like using egg in a dish as a binding agent, Iha needs to thread through and make this disjointed songs sound whole.

Track 5: Tarantula
I'm yawning. 4pm in the afternoon and I'm yawning. This is the lead single. Compare it to the great singles of Pumpkins history. Is this as good as "Today,"or "1979?"

ELV just walked in and said that the song was "good so far." Obviously I'm being too harsh. Its peppy. We'll leave it at that (Is All I Say).

Track 6: Starz
"We are starz, we are..." Shoot me in the head. Maybe I've grown out of liking the Pumpkins.

Nope, just paused Starz and listened to "Cherub Rock." I like Cherub Rock, I know Cherub Rock, and you sir, Starz, are no Cherub Rock.

Just passed the two minute mark...still almost 2 more minutes to go.

How about that Joey Chestnut?

How was your 7/7/07? ELV and I went to Bladensburg, MD, to visit the Kwik-E Mart. A post to come, for sure. Only 10 seconds left! Its over with free echoing...my sentiments exactly.

Track 7: United States
Is this going to be a political statement? Because, after Live Earth, I just can't wait for another political statement from a Rock Star! Because, the logic goes, rock stars are famous and they should be listened to about curtailing consumption. I kind of begrudgingly respect the Arctic Monkey, not for any inherent musical talent, but for saying that it is hypocritical for rock bands to tell people how to live. If citizens of the world don't want to listen to scientists about the actual research findings, then screw 'em!

This song is 9 minutes?!! Sigh...we've hit the chorus, I think, at 2:30, which is basically the word "revolution." Funny, but this song makes me think of the Pearl Jam song W.M.A.; possibly because of the tom-tom drums.

I wonder what the best songs are that include Revolution in the song lyrics. Sure, Revolution by the Beatles, something by Rage Against the Machine (a safe bet, right?), and I'm spent..."what will we do." Why end the chant of "revolution" by saying "what will we do?" I don't understand the point, but then again this is my gut reaction, and my ample gut is telling me to dislike anything about this album.

Extended solo, like something I imagine from a bad Blue Oyster Cult concert. Scratch that, how about a really disinterested, bad trip Jimi Hendrix. It picks up at the seven minute mark with, I crap you not, a high pitched "Ow."

I'm laughing at the "Ow," with the reverb. Ow, ow ow... sounds like a female child, aged 5, yelling into a reverb heavy microphone, rocking out about "how sadness sucks."

Please don't tell me its going to be a minute and a half of this da-da-da-da (pause) guitar drum crap. Skip this song! If you feel the need to listen to Zeitgeist, I promise you, this song is about as worthwhile as watching the bonus features on any television series DVD set. This song will be played at the concert right about the time I go to the bathroom.

Track 8: Neverlost
I like the intro...finally some different sounds. The xylophone-sound is quite refreshing, especially after the quite-unlistenable United States. Corgan actually sounds invested in this song...his voice filled with inflection and emotion. I like this song.

How often have you come across a song, surrounded by crappy tracks, that actually is a stand-alone decent track? I think of Iron and Wine's In the Reins...the second to last song was great, everything else was crap.

I LIKE THIS SONG! YEEHAW!

Track 9: Bring the Light
This song instantly reminds me of "What a Light" on Wilco's latest album "Sky Blue Sky." I don't like the new Wilco album. I don't like this song. Enough said...

Yesterday, I needed to find fried chicken. I went a fried chicken joint (Cluck U) in Towson, where I was informed that, at 7pm, they did not have any fried chicken. How can you be a fried chicken joint without any fried chicken? That would be like Payless saying that they ran out of shoes.

I wonder if Billy Corgan has a sense of humor...I imagine that he's about as fun as needle exchange program (Get the Point!).

Track 10: (Come On) Let's Go!
You thought I was overplaying the parenthetical joke, right? Come on, rock song writers, you don't need to use parenthesis to make a statement. This song could be called "Come On, Let's Go!" or "Come On," or even "Repetitious," considering that there's a whole bunch of blahs punctuated with a chorus of come on, let's go. Yeah! Rock! Seriously, this song reminds me of a Smashing Pumpkins tribute band (let's call them the Shattered Gourds) who feel like they're grown past the Pumpkins oeuvre and branching out to write their own Pumpkins songs (like fan fiction, except with music). This is what they would write. No one would ever release it.

Track 11: For God and Country
I feel the end approaching! "For God and Country, I Would Fight, For God and Country, I Would Die." Really?

Here's a question: what did Corgan and Cobain see in Courtney Love? Is it a love based on convenience? "You know, she's got the drugs, and what the hey, she's a female...I guess I'll just, well, do it with her!"

This song is boring. I really want to write descriptives to these generic pronouncements about the songs, but really, I've got this brain-deadness about me as I listen to this.

Track 12: Pomp and Circumstances
HAHAHA, this sounds like a crappy "Avalon." Maybe this could be the B-side to "We Only Come Out At Night."

You know, just now, I started humming Enya to this song. It fits. Sing with me, "Who can say where the wind blows..."

La la la la la la la ... I am now imagining nasal mermaids with shiny chrome domes swimming in a shimmery pool in a grotto while a sasquatch stands on the edge, surrounded by a jungle canopy, backlit.

What a crap song! It should be on the soundtrack of the "Neverending Story 4: Atrayu's Gay Cruise." Wow, this is an 80's song, Billy, a very very bad 80's song. Shame on you.


That's it...no bonus tracks. Overall, a craptacular album. What a mess. I'm going to go eat some Ratatouille.

A Quick One While He’s Away

If you stare at the harbor too long, you will notice an imprint of spots that vibrates darkness in your vision. Your mother called them sunspots. In actuality, they are called “memorandums” and they will remain with you always, though fainter with each passing minute.

They pass away.

Introducing Imaginary Cupcake

ELV, after taking her tasty time, has finally launched her food blog Imaginary Cupcake. It going to be chock-full of good writing about the epicurean adventures that, luckily, I get to share!

Seriously, check it out, since the comparison of our writing would be expressed in the following SAT-type analogy:

Standardchuck is to Imaginary Cupcake :: malformed lumps of overcooked starch is to a fine, fresh-baked loaf of pure writing goodness.

For the love of flan, get you to the CUPCAKE!

Controversial Study: Breast Cancer and Racial Discrimination

A new report, published in the American Journal of Epidemiology, reports that black women who have been racially discriminated have a higher risk for breast cancer. Now, before you get all huffy, let's look past the knee jerk reaction of incredulity. There is a causal relationship between stress and health, and racial discrimination is a high cause of stress (from personal experience, I can attest to this).

However, here are a few points that I immediately pondered:

• Is there a difference in breast cancer occurrence based on economic strati?
• Is there a difference in breast cancer inherent between white and black women?
• Is there a difference in cancer occurrence between light and dark skinned black women?

The third question, though more subjective, may influence the amount of racial discrimination a woman faces in America (where, theoretically, light skin faces less discrimination versus dark).

Just thoughts...

Chestnut, the King of the Weiner Hill

Kobayashi, with the jawthritis, still put up 63, but American Joey Chestnut brings the championship back to the land of hot dogs.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/a-new-world-record-thats-pretty-difficult-to-digest/2007/07/05/1183351372791.html

A semi-Fourth Post

First off, happy Independence Day to all. Enjoy your steak on your day off. Really, grill out folks.

Second, why the need for validation, people? We should embrace our weaknesses, celebrate our foibles, party down with the mediocrity of it all! Whoo-hoo!

Third, looking at the lives of others, old friends, there is alot of procreating going on. Is everyone having a baby? Am I the only one who really isn't feeling the "being a parent" thing?

Fourth, to those having babies, or those who have children, congratulations, mazel tov, good on ya! I am in no way disparaging those who have enjoyed the miracle of life with comment three.

Your boy Standardchuck is moving on up. More details as the news breaks.