Awesome pic from Our Kitchen Sink

Rock Band Hendrix - found it browsing through elbo.ws, the best music blog aggregators.

L.A. Mayor: Taxpayers will foot the Michael Jackson Memorial costs

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_michael_jackson_memorial_cost

Why make taxpayers pay for a memorial? Make the family and AEG pay. This is outrageous.

RIP Michael Jackson

From the Weekend

At the bachelor party, an interesting question arose: if one were a gay male pornstart and there were no male fluffers around, would a female fluffer be sufficient?

Awesome cartoon

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=04302009

The Caps

I am not a hockey fan...yet. I can understand, though, the enticement of playoff hockey. The game last night between the Penguins and Capitals was awesome. So, in honor, let me rock the red.

Another Reason to Hate Children

Face transplant recipient: 'I'm not a monster' http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090506/ap_on_he_me/med_face_transplant;_ylt=AjxVIr0AjWwgZ83Wq9D4PTms0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTFoZm5mbHF2BHBvcwMxNgRzZWMDYWNjb3JkaW9uX3RvcF9zdG9yaWVzBHNsawNmYWNldHJhbnNwbGE-
Once while shopping, she heard a little kid say, `You said there were no real monsters, Mommy, and there's one right there,'" Coffman said. Culp stopped and said, "I'm not a monster. I'm a person who was shot," and pulled out her driver's license to show the child what she used to look like, the psychiatrist said.

What I would give to be able to pull some evil pranks on that kid.

Also: Culp's husband, Thomas, shot her in 2004, then turned the gun on himself. He went to prison for seven years.

Brilliant writing. The guy failed at killing twice...and is rewarded with only seven years. You've got to love terrible shots and the American penal system.

Peter King (verb) to continue a man crush even when said crush is a douchebag

Brett Favre has damaged his reputation with his retirement/unretirement seasonal disorder, but that's one of the perks of being unnaturally skilled at flinging pigskin as well as being a publicity magnet that instantly boosts sales. Yet, the right thing to do right now would be for the American public and for its broadcasters to ignore the crotchity desires of a fading superstar and move on. Of course, one man will continue the Favre man-love...his name is Peter King. (for more non-scientific or rational proof, go to google and search "Peter King loves Favre")

I love Monday Morning Quarterback. Tied with Easterbrook's eminently less readable (and more pretentious) Tuesday Morning Quarterback for length, there's no other printout that I most love to take with on my work day morning coffee/bathroom break. King churns out paragraphs of good reporting, nicely compiled quotes (the staffers who supply him are good), very poor prognostications (his draft preview and his fantasy sleepers are face-slappingly horrid), and fun to read, Joe-Everyman ruminations on travel, coffee, and whatever seems to interest the guy. I'm a big fan...

But the man love for Favre has got to stop. Last year, as Favre did his dance of death and vengence against the Packers, King had Favre's back, breathlessly reporting that Favre's got the right to play anywhere Favre wants. Then, while red hot with the Jets, King had a nice thing to say about Favre for six weeks in a row...no, nice is not the right word...a mash note.

When Favre broke down, King did say that Favre made some bad decisions and was wearing down. He didn't slay him like other media writers, but King was honest with his assessment of Favre's (possibly) final games.

Now, with Favre starting the comeback talks by demanding a release from the Jets, here's what King writes: "I know you're sick of this story. We all are. But my gut feeling is Favre never completely got this Vikings fixation out of his system...If he returns, the dream game of this season won't be Pats-Colts. It'll be Vikings-Packers. Twice." Ugh, seriously, if we are all sick of the story, then why perpetuate it with a drooling tease at the end of your write up? If he plays, that's fine, but to stoke the petering-out fire of Favre-mania in May is just gross. I know that King loves Favre's grit and emotion, but that emotion is also translated into egotism and higher-than-the-team behavior. His act reminds me of the last years of Clemens and Bonds, and though Favre is in no way a cheat and a scoundrel like the two baseballing jerks, he's still bigger than the team and his recklessness cost the Jets a postseason berth and Mangini a job in the Big Apple.

Give it a rest, King. Write about other stuff, like your fascinating breakdown of the Eagles draft. Leave you Tiger Beat-ing for Favre under the bed until at least training camp.

Recap

Has it really been so long, dear reader, since the last SC post? Let's see what's happened in the intervening time:

• Work has become more involved and interestingly frustrated. I'm now doing project management while also lead in a group while also working on processes while also troubleshooting while also...ad nauseum. The joy and bane of small businesses: becoming a jack of all trades.
• I got married. I know, marriage should have gone first, but I was trying to be chronological. ELV and I got married in November. A lovely wedding of weirdness...we had a terrible photographer, a cranky pianist, a nervous weepy groom, and a table full of asians. A good time indeed!
  
• We moved into a new apartment in Columbia, MD. What I miss about B-more: the proximity of good food, good friends, and the usual familiarity of home. What I don't miss about B-more: the sirens, the never-ending wail of sirens. It is really peaceful here at the new homestead. Why don't you come on by sometime, we'll fix you up a nice hot plate and show you around the property.
• We got a huge freaky naughty TV. I love it.
• I've been getting more and more into sports cards, primarily my fandom of young Hanley Ramirez, shortstop for the Florida Marlins. Funny, being in this region, I should root for the Orioles or the Nats, but seriously, they're both terrible organizations that are trying their best for you not to root for them. The Marlins, however, are a crazy-go-nuts organization that ranges between rebuilding after fire sales to world series champions in four year jags. They've got a fun group of mashers and young arms. Watch, the next two years, a few trades, a few free agent signings, a run for another ring, and then everyone's gone for prospects. It's like slash and burn farming.
  
• We got a couch...ELV took four months to pick one out but now we have it and our living room is sit-able. My butt thanks thee.
• We went on a cruise. It was horrible. I'll make it a stand alone entry, hopefully before I disappear for another year-long stretch.
  
• Started a few new blogs, most notably Dave's Lunch, which was started Thursday. It features a picture of my buddy Dave of Noculture/2DF fame eating lunch accompanied by a haiku by yours truly. I hope it evolves into something cool.

Before I get into the sports thing, here's a Lost note. Is anyone else getting kinda sick of the current Lost episode structure of start show with a bang --> boring 35mins--> kinda interesting 5 mins --> last 5 minutes are a breathless rush of information? Take for instance this week's episode featuring Daniel Farraday. The setup, as always, hooks you. The story meanders at that point, mostly a goose chase to finally get Daniel to admit that he's trying to blow up the island. Seriously, my eyes are glued anytime the show's on screen, but at each commercial break, I'm a bit letdown by the pacing within the show. I know as soon as we get to the break around 45 mins into the show, things will get better. And so it is, with the Widmore fathering reveal and the Farraday death sequence. The last parts are always great cliffhangers, but the best episodes, like "the Constant" or "the Other 48 Days" also have satisfactory endings, but the middle part of the episode has a great pacing that keeps the mind enthralls while at the same time pushing the story along. Of course, this could just be grousing...I still love the show.

Also, with Daniel's death, does it really matter? The castaways have the journal and they have the ghost whisperer. Miles can talk to Daniel, though what information Miles can get out of Daniel post-mortem is in doubt. Will Miles even make sense of the over the top stammering sci-fi lingo that spirit Daniel will be spewing?

Ah, no time for the sports thing. I'm out.

Awesome Game

Desktop Tower Defense...horribly addicting Flash game. More entertaining than most games out there...

http://www.handdrawngames.com/DesktopTD/game.asp

A month or so off the top...

Much like the restful Bill Simmons, I took some time off from the blog. Of course, his vacation was scheduled, taking time off from his lucrative position with ESPN to do what he used to do for free, while I took time off because I didn't feel like writing. There are many things harder than forcing yourself to write a blog post, but not many that I can procrastinate and forget to do.

So, here's a quick personal update: breaking news...we'll be having our reception at Geppi's Museum in Baltimore's Inner Harbor. That's right, we're moving the reception for a beautiful gothic parish house to "a journey through 250 years of American pop culture." The place is fantastic; a beautiful space right above the Camden Sports Legends museum, adjacent to Camden Yards, in the heart of downtown. The space has gorgeous wood flooring and the exhibits have something for all to see. I know that my boy Tobes is going to get a bit chubb rock from all the comic books.

OK, onto other things, primarily my proposition that this will be your central hub for all things making fun of the Ravens. That's right, I'm going to use my fandom to write about the Ravens season to absolutely kill the team. I'll watch the games, read up, and channel all my negativity into this blog.

Hmmm, Kyle Boller is the starting QB for the pre-season opener. Awesome. I'm excited to watch the game to see who gets injured and which chumps make some play that gives us some hope for the season...only to dash all dreams by Week 7.

Then again, it could be worse...you could be Bret Favre in the swamps of NY. Good luck going 6-10.

What the world needs now is guns, more guns

As soon as I read the news blurb about the Supreme Court ruling that the Second Amendment protects the individual's right to have a gun in one's home, I ran over the the computer as fast as I could to blog up my ideas. That's right, Standardchuck readers, there are only a few topics (racism, stupidity, dumb sports things, Lyle Lovett) that make me drop everything to type out some e-words. Gun control is one of them, particularly when a conservative Supreme Court decides to legislate.

In the majority opinion, Justice Antonin "I hate freedom" Scalia "said the history of the 2nd Amendment shows its authors intended to protect the 'right of the people' as individuals to have weapons, both to defend themselves and their community." Thus, we now have a definite ruling by the Supreme Court that the Second Amendment specifically protects the rights of individuals to own and possess guns. This is a most disturbing turn of events, especially in light of the fact that this was the first time the high court has even overturned a gun ban on the basis of the second amendment.

The wording of the second Amendment is as follows: A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

This is a classic moment where there is a disconnect between the original intent of the Amendment and the current interpretation that the Supreme Court's conservative majority utilized to protect gun rights using the amendment. The key word for me seems to be militia, which is defined as "civilians trained as soldiers but not part of the regular army." The average gun owner is not a trained soldier. Simply going to a gun range and shooting at a target does not make you a soldier. Soldiers have duties to protect not only themselves and their immediate families, but also their country and their countries interest. The simple reduction of militia to meaning individual seems to be a huge, illogical linguistic jump. Last time I checked, militia was not a synonym for individual.

The frightening thing is that this landmark decision is the point which will lead to the expansion of gun rights in America. Even though Scalia threw in the point that the second amendment does not grant boundless freedoms, there will now be precedent set so that gun control legislation will be severely curtained. Just what the USA needed, more guns in homes, more guns in the hands of individuals, and more money pouring into the hands of anyone involved in the firearms buisness.

I am deeply saddened by the insistence of rational individuals who think that they are safer having a handgun in the home. Then again, first of all, I met and listened to Antonin Scalia, who has a great sense of humor. He's a nutbag. Second, I've lived all over the country and met many gun fans, of all different creeds and colors, and that should have convinced me that there is a lack of rational individuals in America.

Let the shoot out begin, wackos. Thanks, Edwards court.

What Could Have Been...

June 18, 2008 - Los Angelas, California. It was a performance for the ages by the MVPs, and Kobe Bryant finally has his fourth ring. More importantly, Kevin Garnett has his first. The Lakers defeated the Detroit Pistons 92 - 87 at the Staples Center...

Today's Boston Globe has the front page story about the Celtics taking the NBA Finals series with their destruction of the Lakers 131-92. The two top scorers for the Celts were Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen. However, the stories could have been different if not for the sequence of draft picking in 2007.

What if the envelopes for the top two picks of the draft had contained the Boston Celtics' logo? They deserved it, right? They tanked so many games to finish at 24-58. Looking at their roster at the time, the Celts highest paid players included Wally "double Z" Szczerbiack, Theo Ratliff, and Vin Baker. They earned Greg Oden or Kevin Durant.

So, instead, the cruel lottery balls of the NBA granted the Celtics the fifth pick. They trade it away to get Ray Allen. They then convince KG to come roost in the new Garden. The rest is history.

What if they had the first two picks? First they would have either had Oden's non-playing gimpy knees or Kevin Durant's pretty good year. Second, they would not have had Ray Allen. Third, I'm pretty sure that KG wouldn't want to come be apart of another rebuilding team. Fourth, you probably lose Paul Pierce. If he's still on the team at this time in our alternate NBA universe, he would be shout to any available news media outlet that he wants out of the NBA altogether, ready to run off with Starbury to the former USSR.

So, here's a possible starting five if they had the first pick: Rondo (G), West (G), Pierce (F), Jefferson (F), Perkins (C). Sub in Durant for West if they had the second pick. Expectation, 35-40 wins maybe?

Thank the bounce of the ping pong ball, Celtics fans.

Symbolic caring about the environment

http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/06/climate-change.html

Remember when Senators would argue about climate change then leave their offices to get into idling SUVs to go a few blocks to get their drink on? No? Well, it happened. I'm glad that America's getting serious (sort-of) about environmental issues. Go Democrat controlled Congress!!!

It's Over! Right?

So, apparently the Democratic primary is over...close to over...since Clinton lost the latest contest and Obama grabbed Fmr. President Jimmy Carter's endorsement. Additionally, Hillary has publicly stated that she wouldn't mind being VP on Obama's ticket.

Thank goodness it is over. Seriously, other than major politickheads, has anyone keep up with this ridiculousness?

Apparently Upper Deck has...

Look at how crappy Hillary looks on the right card...

That is all. I'm just glad that it is over, since the Democrats, as always, have been working to lose another race.

Happy 300th Post

Congratulations...me! This is the 300th Standardchuck post and I couldn't be happier. In fact, how about this:


Sure, the chart doesn't make much sense; um, the green bar keeps growing the farther right you get (insert joke about "relationship between conservatives and environmentalism, lack of"). Here's the explanation: Standardchuck the blog has gotten 440 hits today, 352 unique new visitors! Yeah, that's right, folks, I'm highly trafficked! Must be my wit. Must be the insightful writing. Must be the fact that I have a distinctive voice in the hustle and bustle of cyberspace.

Nope.

It is because I used a picture of a wallpaper that I found on google for a throw-away blog piece on soccer.

Yep, they're all coming to see this:


So, I'm going to pass on all those stats as if they were spins on Press Your Luck to the actual website that needs credit for the popular wallpaper:

http://www.lucas-wallpapers.com/

I'm guessing that they love soccer. And they're in Algeria. The system is down.

...


By the way, I miss Press Your Luck. I've tried to watch the Game Show Network's Whammy, and it just isn't the same. For some reason, I thought just now that the original Press Your Luck was hosted by Joe Penny of Jack and the Fat Man fame. Nope, it was Peter Tomarken. Peter is dead, long live Peter Tomarken. In honor of Peter Tomarken, below is a picture of Joe Penny.

Detact is one hell of a word

Nothing like trying to break a world record and having our balloon make a break for it without you.

Stupid balloons, always conspiring to destroy the dreams of the elderly.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/low/europe/7421435.stm

Update: Pork and Beans missing references

Update: Happy Memorial Day! Placed the new links into the main body of the post...enjoy.

Weezer post (third edit)

A Scene by Scene reference guide to Weezer's 2008 video for "Pork and Beans"

Click here for a link to the video.

First off...the song is catchy, but the video is catchier, in the pop culture referencing fun that goes along with every great compilation collection. Like Rushdie's Satanic Verses or Joyce's Ulysses to ABC's LOST, the fun is finding all the references. I tried my best, labeled unknown references hoping that someone might supply them later. Additionally, I lost much of the interest trying to sequentially do the last part of the video, only noting two newer references. Enjoy.

Start with Brian Bell (guitar) at top left screen in the style of
Pachobel's Canon by JerryC FunTwo - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjA5faZF1A8

Bottom Left is Patrick Wilson (drums) and then Bottom Right is Rivers Cuomo.
The top right corner has Scott Shriner (bass), which then cuts to a guy with headphones (the Numa Numa guy - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60og9gwKh1o), cutting back to Scott.

Cut to superimposed face on
Drama Prairie Dog - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHjFxJVeCQs
followed by a cut to
How the Dramatic Prairie Dog Was Born - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sochd9Xqlos

Cut to a flipping ninja guy falling down, which is a reference to Afro Ninja (thanks comment maker) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEtIoGQxqQs, and not Urban Ninja - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2kJZOfq7zk.

Cut to Rivers Cuomo surfing the web, cutting to Experiment #711, a reference to the Diet Coke + Mentos videos - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKoB0MHVBvM

A pair of safety googles are thrown to Sergeant Slaughter, in a nod to the National Fenslerfilm Council G.I. Joe PSA parodies, such as this one - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAcg-kMC4QA

Cut back to the Diet Coke/Mentos, then pictures of Scott Shriner wearing different T-Shirts, based on the Guiness World Record for most t-shirts worn at one time - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6tlw-oPDBM

Some of the shirts that I could identify:

• "I love shoes" white T
• Blue Shirt
• Experiment #711
• Yellow with symbol
• Blue with a bear symbol
• A GOPHER shirt in the style of G.I. Joe
• A shirt with a Banana (Peanut Butter Jelly Time - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8MDNFaGfT4)
  
• A shirt saying Download Free MP3
• Russian words on T

Cut back to Mentos/Diet Coke, then to the karate guy twirling a bo staff, then a cut to Chris Crocker singing the song in the style of the infamous Leave Britney Alone - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc

Cut to a Nintendo game screen that says "Crocker: All Your Pork and Beans Are Belong to Us!!" which is a copy of the "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" from the NES game Zero Wing - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qItugh-fFgg

Cut back to Mentos/Diet Coke, then a cut to one of the best stupid moments ever, the Miss Teen USA 2007, South Carolina answers a question - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww mixed with a lightsaber (references all over YouTube)

Cut to the guy seated dancing, enter Patrick Wilson, screen right, eating what appears to be cereal (reference), cutting abruptly to guy answering phone and Scott Shriner's head moving in screen left, cutting to guys doing to Soulja Boy dance - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vum3qgoh0x4 (apparently the white Soulja Boys - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZE2OzguWHo)

The screen pans to the Evolution of Dance Judson Laippley - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

Cut to "Chocolate Rain" Tay Zonday - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA

Cut to overhead shot of hands playing a keyboard, which cuts to image of K-Fed rocking out at the his home studio playing Popozao - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6RvngAZCcQ&feature=related

Then an image of Rivers Cuomo singing with Tay Zonday.

Cut to the chorus of the song written and performed on hands, like the Daft Hands video for Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2cYWfq--Nw

Which cuts to the parody of the Daft Bodies Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLYD_-A_X5E after which the helmets are lifted to reveal Scott Shriner and Brian Bell.

Cut to a continuation of the T-Shirts gag with Scott Shriner, ending with the final tally of "155 T-Shirts/ Sized Small - 10XL/ 4 Hours/ 100 Extra Pounds"

Cut to back to Mentos/Diet Coke with spinning fountain, cutting to Tay and Rivers continuing their duet, cutting to a girl on an armchair waving around her rainbow socks (Rainbow Socks Girl - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=embdtwW-sSE)

Cut to a continuation of the martial arts dude, this time fighting off three ninjas, ended with a cool Bruce Lee pose. Cut to Chris Crocker, then back to Mentos/Diet Coke.

Cut to Rivers Cuomo giving Chris Crocker a hug (maybe a reference to the popular Free Hugs video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4)

Cut back to the Mentos/Diet Coke, followed by continuation of the Daft Hands (No I Dont CAAAARE), then a cut to the Lyle Show "Shoes" song parody - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA&feature=user

Cut to Chris Crocker (again) wiping to a room filled with many of the characters dancing around the band, including some dancing babies (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W4EBoQmWPs), some guy waving around a golf club (Star Wars Kid - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPPj6viIBmU), Patrick Wilson drumming with light sabers, the Daft Bodies, the guys doing the Soulja Boy, Tay Zonday, K-Fed in the background, some robotic things flying across the screen (ref?), the sneezing panda baby in background (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzRH3iTQPrk), cutting to karate guy ripping off a ninja's mask to reveal a singing banana, its peanut butter jelly time - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8MDNFaGfT4.

Additionally, as there are rapid cuts everywhere, which I don't feel like documenting...there are two other references that I caught: there's the Will It Blend blender being operated by Miss South Carolina (Blendtec - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Loi731aUYrQ) and what appears to be Charlie the Unicorn in the prairie dog tank (Charlie the Unicorn - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus)

Tonight's Dinner

Mainly for my own benefit, considering that I'm about to fall over from a food coma...totally inspired by a recipe I read about from a cooking magazine while waiting in the Toyota Service Department. ELV and I cooked it, quick, easy, and awesomely tasty-licious.

• Broiled Cod Filet (olive oil, peppercorn, salt) with Chimichurri Sauce
• Fried Plantains (surprisingly easy, used Alton Brown's recipe found at foodnetwork.com)
• Black Beans with Garlic, Green Pepper, and Savory Sauce (so delicious, mostly because it included MSG...gulp)