- Diana remembered at memorial service: picture pages - I wonder what they're thinking...Prince Charles, "my current wife is ugly, yo;" Prince William, "why did father marry that whale of a woman;" and Prince Harry, "Caw, she looks like a ripper, a real goer." (thanks to prince 280) lodi Dodi - "It was one more day for dredging up questions about how Diana came to die in a car crash in Paris with her boyfriend, Dodi Fayed, and for the Daily Telegraph to publish an essay explaining 'why we were right to weep for Diana.'" First thought: do you need justification for crying for a figurehead? Brits are insecure. Second: Daily Telegraph should have produced an additional essay entitled 'Ehm, at least Dodi died a rich bloke who gave Di the bad touch." princely timing - "For Harry and his older brother, Prince William, it was a simple tribute to an adored mother." Both princes gave moving elegies. Sadly, Prince Charles tried to follow up using levity, mostly doing impressions of Ricky Gervais lines from "Extras." Unfortunately, no one was having a laugh. the tories live - "She reached our lives deeply, even in America. She brought life to the palace and warmth, and that's what the monarchy needed," said Arlene Fitch, 54, of Boston. Arlene, after giving her quote, promptly sang "Hail to the Queen," then choked on a crumpet while arsing about on the loo. No one in Boston cried. brothers from a different mother- Diana "got married the same year as me, she had children the same year as me and, as her boys have grown up, they have done just the same kind of things as our boys would do," said Fitch's sister, Marie Schofield, 46, from Florida. Marie boasted that, like Harry and William's Royal panty breakouts, her younger boy, Michael Scofield, recently helped to break his falsely imprisoned brother out of jail. Marie gushed, "Michael's gonna be the King of Coral Gables someday!" cheeky - John Loughrey, 52, had painted "Diana" on his forehead and "the truth?" on his cheek. "We must get to the bottom of how she died," he said. He wasn't taken seriously because his other cheek had written "Golden Palace dot Com" and "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World," on his pasty, hairless chest. sixth floor: mourning - "Mohamed al Fayed, who accused Prince Philip of masterminding a plot to kill Diana and Dodi Fayed, was not on the guest list. He observed his own two minutes of silence at Harrods, his department store, an hour before the memorial service." Ohhhh, joke overload! Prince Philip can't even mastermind a game of tiddlywinks. Secret plot, make Dodi drive into a column. Two minutes of silence in a department store?!! Fat guy in expensive suit with head hanging down next to Waterford crystal and Bulgova watches? The perfume people spritzing without smiles. No musak for two minutes. AHHHH. there's nothing else that can top anything above, right? - "Artist Francine Reulier, 56,
'Many of us in France feel a bit guilty for not having protected her. I still get chills, I still cry about it — the raw horror of it all.'" France, protection...what were they going to do? Jean Reno assasinating all the paparazi, or somehow padding the concrete columns with a protective collision absorbing layer of brie? All the dog crap on the sidewalks forming a poop force field around Dodi's vehicle? The Eiffel Tower forming into a Michael Bay wet-dream Transformer and saving the day? France sucks (sorry Mrs. Vini). - Beckham to miss 6 weeks with bad knee: football, soccer, its all overpriced to me - "He's played 310 minutes in six games, which comes to about $21,000 a minute if he's out for the season." that translates to what, 10 grand everytime his foot touched the ball?
More to come...maybe?
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