Fantasy Football, Week 4

This is a post for a fantasy football league that I'm involved with. I'm currently 2-2. No yeehaw this week. Check out the league here. My team is ???Johnny Drama???

WEEK FOUR TIDBITS

Don’t Care How, I Want It Now!

Sometimes, words fail me. Whether it is watching yet another pass wobble out of McNair’s hand, flying high above his targeted receiver, or witnessing the most pathetic whining fit ever in the history of watching football with friends, there are times where a simple shake of the head or a hiding of the face into your open palms is the only appropriate reaction. Nothing spoken ever helps alleviate that hideous sinking feeling of not wanting to bear witness to the unfolding ridiculousness.

The Ravens looked awful, like an 8-8 team. Sure, some of you out there (I’m looking at you, Dolphins fans) would be quite happy for a 2-2 start. However, this was supposed to be the fourth best team in the AFC. Brian Billick, at the start of the season, was unhappy that the Ravens were not in the discussion of being labeled the best team in the AFC. The Ravens fans were feeling footloose and fancy free, eager for a return to the Super Bowl, or at the very least, another thrill ride to the top of the AFC North.

Instead, we get mediocrity. The offense is a glass half empty nightmare. The running plays look great…when we run. The passing plays work…in running situations. Nothing is in synch on offense, and the discerning Ravens fan can pick up some disheartening details like the relative equality in suckiness of the two Ravens QBs (and don’t mention Troy Smith, he isn’t going to play) and the mediocrity of the Ravens offensive line. However, the once vaunted Ravens DEF has been shown the rubbish heap: they’re allowing 21 points per game, gotten 6 sacks, and providing little pressure on the opposing QB in their 4 or 5 man rushes. Their DBs look pathetic (did you see the amount of space Chris McAllister afforded the Browns receivers all game?) and the only reason the Ravens DEF has any fantasy value has been due to the block kick and the fluke DEF touchdowns.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the team can have some great moments of inspired football, but they are ultimately an inconsistent team. The NFL rewards teams that can replicate their motions and stay consistent in their game plan and the execution on the field. This Ravens team has none of that discipline. They cannot follow through in an organized game plan, and they are still undisciplined, giving up way to many penalty yards on false starts.

That’s a lot of typed words; toward the end of the game yesterday, I couldn’t really speak. What can you say when you see something that ugly…losing to the Browns in that fashion.

Well, that was just the tip of the iceberg. What happened during the 4 o’clock games made me forget how embarrassed I was of the Ravens’ performance.

Let’s just say that the Commish had a bit too much to drink and was feeling punchy watching both the baseball and football teams representing San Diego go down in losing efforts. Whatever the reasoning, here’s a quick rundown of the Commish's awful actions at Bert’s (formerly Rocky Run): the Commish, in a booth with two of his friends, is busy talking and not really watching the Chargers game. There are two televisions facing his directions playing the game, and one big screen television behind him broadcasting the game as well. A group of guys in a booth behind the Commish requests that one of the two televisions showing the Chargers game be changed to a different game. the Commish does not notice the waitress changing the channel, engrossed in a phone conversation. Once the television channel had been changed, hebegins yelling at the waitress that he was watching the game. She informs the Commish that there are two TVs broadcasting the game, but the Commish retorts “But I was watching it on that one.” His reasoning for demanding placation… “I’ve been here since 1 o’clock drinking.” The waitress pleads to no avail, and then asked the guys the Commish if they mind if she changes the other television facing the Commish to the other game…no objections. Now, the woman is changing it back, and the Commish begins talking shit to his pals, which inevitably pisses off the waitress. There’s a tense situation, everything is taken care of, and the Commish goes along his merry way down the path of drunken loutishness.

Here’s the point of telling this story: there were no words that can really help this situation as it was occurring. In fact, later in the night, there were no real words to describe what transpired, other than making fun of the whiniest rant ever by a grown adult and the unbelievable lack of politeness that’s inherent in our dear commish.

Sometimes, you just have to shake your head and move on. So let’s get to the power rankings (pending results of Monday Night Football, but Tuesday is always busier for me, so you get preemptive power rankings):

1. Skora Sucks (4-0, prev. rank #1) – Oh, LJ, you’re back to being productive…at least for this game that mattered. What a solid week from a solid team. Other than an off day for T.O. (who’s team didn’t need him to shine), Skora Sucks just went out and produced from every position. Great week. Definitely think you can take it to 5-0 against a Chad Johnson-less Wheel.

2a. Thneeds (3-1 pending tonight, prev. rank #6) – Continuing his trend upward, Shaw’s team featured one of the best waiver wire pick ups in recent memory, Dwayne Bowe. The kid looks like the real deal, finally giving KC a legitimate receiving threat that Priest and Gonzales could have used during the Trent Green years. I like Shaw’s team tonight because Tom Brady is going to abuse the Bengals secondary. Also, you’ve got the soft match up against Phootball next week. Welcome to the top two!

2b. Wheel Rules (3-1 pending tonight, prev. rank #3) – Another wayward running back brings it on back home; LT gets into it with 150 total yards and a TD. I don’t know if the rest of your team is going to keep you on the winning streak, but Wheel’s team is still the second best team in the league thus far. However, with a loss coming next week, you’re on the B squad, Weil.

4. You Gonn’ Learn (2-2 pending tonight, prev. rank #4) – Even with the chalked up loss for this week, Tim’s team is still in the fourth best debate (and, unlike the Ravens, warrants the discussion). What a tough match up for this week, losing on the MNF game to Thneeds (I’m prognosticating). Like I said, Ronnie Brown is a stud and you made the right call on the DEF. However, this is a team that will get killed in week nine…sadly, that’s what happens when you have to depend on one back for 40% of your points.

5. Hoover Dans (2-2, prev. rank #2) – How can a two losing weeks in a row team still be in the top five? How about mediocre performances from his top notch receiving corps, and slow nights for Alexander, Lamont, and the SD DEF? This is a team that will bounce back…probably…um, maybe?

6. SD Homers (3-1, prev. rank #8) – Is it controversial to place a 3-1 team behind two 2-2 teams? I don’t think so. Skora’s team still jumps two spots on the power rankings. However, I had to temper his great performance with knowledge that the Lions defense contributed 36 points. Remove that total, and SD only has 74 points. Now, enter in the what-if caveat of McNabb not looking like McNair, totally covered over by the swarming Giants DEF (?!!), and I have to assume that SD would have been a 2-2 team…a mediocre 2-2 team. Still, since he’s 3-1, he gets to be in the top half of the league.

7. Score-Ahhhh (2-2, prev. #10) – Tony Romo is that good. Can you believe this guy? He’s the next Brady as far as hype. The nice thing…Romo is producing like a mobile Peyton Manning clip. This guy is the real deal. Too bad he’s stuck on a team that starts Roddy White and that horrible Baltimore DEF. Not a bad week at all on a BYE week for N.O., since I’m sure you were missing the 6 pts from Reggie Bush. Thank goodness you ran into Jill’s team, eh?

8. Shenanigans (2-2, prev. #11) – The only thing standing in the way of Bill reaching .500 is Randy Moss. Sure, Randy can store 30 points, but you’ve got to give credit to Peterson and Cotchery giving Bill about 30 on top of Peyton’s usual production. The main question, though, has to be the flex position, where Jones-Drew, Dunn, and the like have been low scoring disappointments. I hope tonight’s game is a shoot out…

9. Racist Melon Farmers (2-2, prev. #5) – How far can this team fall? I mean, sure, a QB is allowed to have a bad game, but being sacked 12 times by the Giants? Both of your QBs threw up negative points! Hopefully, this is the week all season where all of your players sucked. If it’s a portent into the future, then you’re in a bad, bad place of suckiness…but then again, your team’s still better than mine.

10. !!!???!!! (2-2, prev. #7) – I was looking to drop my team farther down the ranking, but unfortunately, I couldn’t justify placing Jill or Chi-Town’s team above me. Here’s why I deserve to be lower: who starts the Miami DEF? I mean, should I have been aware that Daunte Culpepper was turbo charging himself to go all 2004 on the Dolphins? Dude looked scary good, and now that I’ve picked him up, he’s going to revert to Anthony Wright-esque levels. My team is horrible, and I’m a horrible manager (more on that later).

11. Phootball (1-3, prev. #9) – I have to agree with Fooks, you’re team does suck. Decimated by injuries, and filled with some horrid, unreliable players, this is a team that desperately needs someone, anyone, to comeback and dominate.

12. Chi-Town Prep (1-3, prev #12) – Welcome to the winning team! You’ve got a very winnable match up against Shenanigans. Let’s see how you screw this up!

13a. I am Skora’s fluffer (1-3, prev. #13) – What can be said about this team that hasn’t been said about Nick Nolte? The team is old (Brian Griese), tired (Stallworth), hobbled (Cadillac), and clinically insane (Kellen “I’m a soldier” Winslow). Time to blow up the team and trade away for draft picks and cash.

13b. ephedrinators (0-4 pending tonight, prev. #14) – Sure, Maroney can give you the win if Chad Johnson flames out and Brady ignores Watson. I have to give you credit, you’re team is slowly improving. Therefore, you and Pierce are tied for worst team in the league.

Ten Things I Think I Thunk

1. If I told you at the beginning of the season that Tony Romo would be the top scoring offensive player through four weeks, you’d probably ask me why I was making such a conditional prediction. Romo has scored 130 points through 4 weeks, with 13 total touchdowns in that span (vs. the next best offensive weapon, Peyton Manning, at 94 pts and 9 TDs). He’ll likely keep up the streak against Buffalo next week, but expect a downturn in week 6 against New England.

2. If I told you the best RB through four weeks was Ronnie Brown, you’d just tell me to stop using this type of sentence structure to talk about a player. Brown’s at 311 yd and 3 TD rushing and 248 yrs and a touchdown receiving. Hot damn, that projects him out to rushing 1724 yards and 16 TDs and receiving 1328 yards and 5 TDs. This guy is amazing!!! Ok…temper the reaction…he’s going to have a great year unless injury gets him. Nice to seem him working out for the woeful Fins.

3. Another reason to hate fantasy football: the Minnesota DEF has scored more fantasy points than Peyton Manning.

4. A double whammy for the Niners super fan Tobes: the worst player in fantasy this week: Donovan McNabb. Negative 6 points in our league. A close second in negativeness, Trent Dilfer.

5. Looking for the info for point #4, if you scroll to count=825 in the total players points for week 4, you see some crazy names of average Joe football players. My favorites among the negatives and nothings: Johnnie Lee Higgins, Vonta Leach, Chad Mustard and the craziest name, Cortez Hankton. What an ungainly name…Hankton as a last name.

6. On my ineptness in trades…what the hell was I doing giving away Braylon Edwards for a third string Lions receive who’s injured, and a backup running back? Seriously, what a dope I am. I should not be writing anything analyzing fantasy football since I’ve got about as much skill as Norv Turner.

7. Best post of the week: Ode to Pierce by Thneeds. Amazing…Seussian delights. Keep up the artistic work.

8. Worst post of the week: Re: Free Agent Fooks. I took the bait to your inane insults. Not that I’m angry, bitter, jealous, or anything, but I try to bring a thing of beauty into this internet world, and you spit on it. Just remember, it is easy to denigrate and difficult to create. I read that on some hippy t-shirt. I hate hippies and I hate you, but I’m not angry or bitter or anything.

9. Here’s my quick hit thoughts about week 4:

a. Billy Mac Award for Sunday Night Waiver Wire Activity: Dan’s pick up of Pittman.

b. Here’s who got dropped today: Trent Green, Philip Rivers, and Marc Bulger. Who would have thought all these top tier QBs would be worthless at week 4? The lack of bench space makes it difficult to stash a wobbly QB.

c. The dropped before a bust out game (The Chuck'd Award): Pierce’s drop of Bowe, who goes on to tear it up for Shaw’s team.

d. Best trade: Getting Portis for Rothlisberger.

e. Best use of Smack Talk feature: the exchange between Hoover Dans and Chi-Town Prep in their Witten talk…too bad Witten didn’t save you from the jaws of defeat Dan.

f. I think Dan’s got the best next three week span, facing Chi-town, SD Homers, and ephedrinators.

g. Best four week span has got to be for Bill’s Shenanigans: my awful team, Chi-town, , SD Homers, and ephedrinators.

10. Any suggestions on places to watch the games on Sunday in Baltimore? We’ve got to go to a new place other than Berts, especially after the “Why can’t I watch the game on THIS tv?”-gate.