In the News: 10/18/07

All the news that's important to me!

• Stephen Colbert to Run for President: Where can I get that hat? - Stephen Colbert has announced his candidacy for president on "The Colbert Report," tossing his satirical hat into the ring of an already crowded race. Come on, keep that freedom train a-visiting to other states - Colbert said he planned to run in South Carolina, "and South Carolina alone." The state, one of the key early primaries, is also Colbert's native state. Earlier this week, South Carolina public television station ETV invited Colbert to announce his candidacy on its air.
• Every Manny for Himself: It's not whether you win or lose... - "If it doesn't happen, who cares?" Ramirez said Wednesday afternoon. "There's always next year. It's not like it's the end of the world." (to note, I think this is horrible for a player to say on a team sport. Obviously, Manny's a superstar and will be back playing as long as he keeps producing, but what about those guys who won't have season after season to try to get that championship? Also, if Manny had drive, how much better would he be, rather than this laissez-faire attitude. Another reason why I love hating the Bosox. Don't get me wrong, they're still easier to root for in comparison to those damned Yankees. Wave bye bye to A-Rod. Hooray!)
• Judge yanks Britney's visitation rights: She's such a role model...for rednecks - Spears engaged in "habitual, frequent and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol." At least K-Fed doesn't need court instruction to be a positive influence, right? - Both parents were ordered to remain sober around their children.
• Putin warns Washington over missile shield: Apparently, he thinks we're back in time to when they were powerful - President Vladimir Putin warned the United States on Thursday that Russia could take retaliatory measures if Washington failed to take heed of its concerns over a missile defense shield in Europe. Hypocritical, a little bit - The Kremlin leader also said Russia was working on new types of nuclear weapons as part of a "grandiose" plan to boost the country's defenses. (Isn't it great that our "allies" are so friendly to the Bush-led USA? Thanks, Russia and China...who's next? Want to jump in with some threats, Canada?)
• Swearing at work boosts team spirt: Another example of excellent hard scientific research - Regular swearing at work can help boost team spirit among staff, allowing them to express better their feelings as well as develop social relationships, according to a study by researchers. From a team of researchers at... - Yehuda Baruch, a professor of management at the University of East Anglia, and graduate Stuart Jenkins studied the use of profanity in the workplace and assessed its implications for managers. (University of East Anglia??? Stuart Jenkins, brother of Leroy Jenkins???)
• Maine school to offer contraceptives: What else is there to do in Maine (other than hit and running Stephen King) - After an outbreak of pregnancies among middle school girls, education officials in this city have decided to allow a school health center to make birth control pills available to girls as young as 11. Because what the world needs most is more people from Kansas - A high school in Topeka, Kan., stopped providing free condoms to students Wednesday after district officials learned of the month-old program. The district has a policy against providing contraceptives.
• NYC woman finds python in the toilet: I'm getting mf-ing tired of these mf-ing snakes on this mf-ing commode! - Nadege Brunacci was washing her hands in her bathroom before dawn Monday when she glanced back and saw the slithering serpent peeking out from her toilet, most of its body hidden in the pipes. Fisher-Price, making people poop safer - Brunacci says she started using her daughter's training toilet after the scare in her third-floor apartment. And when she brushes her teeth, she said, "I'm looking over my shoulder."
• Man texting while driving hits train: It is a shame he survived - When Robert Gillespie looked up from his text message, he saw a freight train. EOM. ("End of message," that is, for non-texters.) Eugene police say Gillespie's car crashed into the side of the Union Pacific freight train about 2 a.m. Tuesday. Seriously, it is sad that law enforcement has to make such an obvious statement, but most of you idiots on the road need to hear this - "There are all kinds of ways to get distracted these days," said police spokeswoman Kerry Delf. "We don't recommend any of them while you're driving."
• French president, wife have divorced: I'm the President of France, baby, I can get any woman I want!!! - President Nicolas Sarkozy and his elegant but enigmatic wife, Cecilia, have divorced after months of questions about their relationship, a first for France that struck a deep, personal blow to his young presidency. Why cheat? - Although previous leaders in France have had extramarital affairs, the Sarkozys are the first French presidential couple to divorce while in power. Wait...wait...he was cuckolded? - In 2005, photos of Cecilia hand-in-hand with another man on a Manhattan sidewalk were splashed across a magazine cover.
• Ellen DeGeneres to stop dog pleas: have you seen this story? Talk about two bitches running a dog service; how about some heart, Mutts and Moms? - Ellen DeGeneres says she's done talking about her canine dilemma and is pleading for calm, saying on her show that the controversy surrounding an adopted dog has "gotten out of hand."
• Sony announces new, cheaper PS3: Sony Corp. on Thursday cut the price of its PlayStation 3 game console in the U.S. and announced an even cheaper model that will arrive before the holiday shopping season. The top-line PlayStation model, with an 80 gigabyte hard drive, now costs $499, down from $599. That effectively eliminates the lower-end model, which has a 60-gigabyte drive and has sold for $499. A new low-end model with a 40-gigabyte drive will go on sale Nov. 2 for $399.