Observational Humor #1

Last night, an advert inspired ELV and I to hightail it to the local Ruby Tuesdays, or as we like to call it "Tuesday Cafe," cause it sounds much more posh. The television depicted kinetic mini-burgers flying across the screen, as if the sole desire of those little meat patties was to fly straight into my mouth. Gustatory hints will always work on this stomach with legs.

After dining on the delightful salad bar, featuring a nice asian sesame dressing and delectable pumpernickle croutons, and munching joylessly on the mini-burgers (floppy, sloppy, joyless things), ELV looked through the dessert menu to find this exclaimation: "It's an ice cream avalanche!" This leads to Standardchuck maxim #82: Pairing a dessert ingredient with a natural disaster equals advertising gold!

For some unknown psychological reason, the use of natural disasters fits perfectly in describing a plentiful availability of sweetness. A chocolate eruption means there's an explosion of ooey, gooey chocolate slamming into your taste buds! A spearmint tsunami tantalyzes the brain with the wave of minty-ness washing over your tongue! A cinnamon forest fire emphasizes the potential for massive property damage inside your mouth!

So, for all you advertising executives (or citizens looking to spice up the descriptions of your confectionary treates), here's a handy list of natural disasters that you can use:

• earthquake or quake (a papaya earthquake!)
• tornado
  
• whirlwind
• hurricane
• gale (a grape-filled gale!)
• tsunami
• typhoon (a tiramisu typhoon!)
• flood
• red tide bloom
• forest fire
• lightning strike (a creamy lightning strike)
• thunderstorm
• mudslide/landslide
• volcano
• geyser (a gravy geyser!)

The last example is a case in point for Standardchuck maxim #82a: Pairing a non-dessert food item to a natural disaster is not appetizing. A gravy geyser is not an appetizing description. A medium rare porterhouse steak red tide bloom does not sound super-awesome. A whirlwind of egg foo young...now that's too damned greasy. So be wary, dear readers, toward over-use or more importantly misuse of this powerful tool. Your brain palate will thank you.