Introducing the newest member of the family!

The name: S-50.

The Man Who Sold the World

"Who are you," asked Joseph to the man in the shabby coat. In an ancient, fluctuating timber, the man replied, "I sold the world for a few dollars and a hot bowl of soup." -From the edited works of Douglas E. Preeney

How often do you really read? Not the column on your favorite website, or the one-off blog posting by your cubicle mate, but rather a hefty tome, filled with intricate plots and symbolic dissections of the world around you? Was it a week, a month, or since college?

As we become more immediate content oriented, the media that surround us seems to become more bite-sized, less chewy, lacking the chewy fiber of description and development. Even the novels that release with fanfare seem to have become power packed lines collected into paragraph structures:

***

"Who's there," asked the cynical book critic, his palms paused in mid-critique, "if you know what's good for you, you'll let the cat out of that bag and unloosen your tongue."

"I'm death, and I'm here for you." That was all that the man in black uttered as darkness rushed in, palpable and smooth.

***

What's going to happen as the years progress, as we move from the ages of the narrative epic to the short story to the blog-turned-book phenomenon? Is the next evolutionary step "the collected lines from the celebrated columnist," or worse still, an anthology of the grimacing sentences of Simon Cowell?

Sure, this sounds like the moaning of a ludite, so you can write it off as such. However, there is a serious brain drain occurring in our world. Take, for instance, the celebrated writing of the young novelists. Johnaton Saffron Froer writes nuggets of pearly wisdom, yet he uses the annoying Murakami system of alternating chapters with alternating story lines. Unless you've got the whole multitaking system entrenched in your mind, then you'll be lost-er than Matthew Fox. How about Gary Shteyngart, author of "Absurdistan," whose name alone prevented me from reading the book. Shteyngart...if I had an attention span longer than a second, I might bother to learn to pronounce it. On Demand, Sirius, and text messaging have all conspired to make us slow-haters.

Thus, the brunt of this tirade. I sat down tonight, with aching back, to read Dicken's "Hard Times," a novel that I enjoyed in college. Couldn't do it. The first sentence that wasn't direct exposition, a langorious description of the surrounding, led me to wonder about people and sleep, with a healthy dose of perviness. Then, the television beckoned.

I guess what I'm saying is that we've, or maybe just I've, forgotten what its like to take some time to trudge through a book, that delicious tangle of words, to see what's all around. Just like walking with my buddy Vinnie Vici, we're just speeding through the streets, not bothering to notice the curios and cracks that line the sidewalk of the bustling city. I'm ready for another fix of modernity, leave that old fashioned thinking behind.

***

"All this I leave to you," the father coughed, "and yet you don't see the splendors beyond your own two feet." The boy, utterly bored, turned from his dying father, and stared at the blister slowly form on his rubbed, raw hand.

an exerpt from an email

I wrote this my friend H, just a few minutes ago. it was the most writing i've done since coming back from Chicago (second city rulez...the z at the end doesn't look right. That freaks me out...ok, rules. There, now I feel a little better, though there's a part of me that wants to correct the intentional misspelling. That's how NOT punk rock I am. Sorry Wilco.) So, here's the words, explaining some bands in a mixCD i made for her. See if you agree or disagree.

By the way, D-dawg, my boy in Chicago, is a funny mofo. I don't think I spent a whole weekend laughing...and I don't think I ever want to do that again. I'm still beat.

+++++

The song covered by the french dudes is "the Girl From the North Country." great song, great cover, all around awesome.

I don't know which albums you have or do not have, but you have to search for the actual cover songs (most are not on an album), so here it goes:

1. The postal service...the track "against the odds" was from a single ep, so you don't have to bother. if you get a chance, go on itunes and download the song "mushaboom" by the band Feist, the postal service remix. Its like a song that would fit on the postal service album. Please, at least tell me you got postal service.

2. Gnarls Barkley. Gone daddy gone is on the album You should get the album "St. Elsewhere" since its all over the radio, and you should hear the other stuff before you get sick of "Crazy," which is the hit single that's burning up the charts. The album has three to four excellent tracks, including one of the best songs about suicide that i've ever heard.

3. The Magic Numbers: If you like hippy music, classic rock with a great indie twist, get the magic numbers, their self titled debut album. not really my cup of tea, but a great cover. they have a single called "lost forever." if you want to check out the video before plunking down the money for the cd (they were one of the highly touted brit bands that was supposed to solve all the problems of rock), then check it out on youtube. click here for a direct link.

4.Matthew Sweet/Susanna Hoffs, they have a great covers album called Under the Covers, vol. 1. The album is a return to sugar sweet pop music. You know the kind, with crunchy bar chords and yummy pop melodies. Good stuff for sun sunny days.

5. Petra Haden. she did a cover album of "THE WHO SELL OUT," all a cappella. thats some undertaking. i haven't heard it, but it was critically acclaimed. I've been waiting to try to scoop it up on limewire, but unfortunately, like me, not many have it. too bad. she has a great pop sensibility and a nice voice. I agree with your hubby, no y-chromosomer should be allow to sing God only knows.

6. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. They were my obsession two years ago. Jangly chords, a shriek of a voice. Awesome song construction, good vocals, neat indie pop rock music. I'd try out a few singles before plunking down a whole album commitment. Try the following songs "Timorous Me," "Where have all the rude boys gone?" or "the ballad of the sin eater." I really liked it, but then again, i don't perceive to know others musical tastes (why dont' more people like the divine comedy? #scratching head#)

7. If you haven't got the new Fiona Apple album, do it immediately. its absolutely fantastic. if you want the cover song, you have to buy the pleasantville soundtrack (or download it from illegal sites, like me)

8. For the frenchies, the two albums are good intros to French Pop/Rock: Jean Jacque Goldman "En Passant" and Francis Cabrel "Hors-Saison." For myself, i'd stick with Francis Cabrel...he's more dylan-esque

ALright, that's enough of this...there's alot of bands to share...i kind of kicked myself when i settled on the covers album, rather than just making a mix of everythign i was jonesing for.

you know, my musical tastes have shifted since the harvey/hales project days, eh?

Two before the road

Ok...going to Chi-town tomorrow, got to get ready. Also, ELV moving, so I'm carrying some boxes on a warm, warm day. So, before I leave the comfort of A/C'ed room, I leave you with these clips courtesy of Giles, the Cuban businessman.

James Earl Jones is Darth Vader in this excellent mashup: Vader Sessions

Oddly hypnotic, you can still follow the freakin' movie, man. The curses really tied the movie together, man: The Big Lebowski: F--ing Short Version

Points to mull over

Here's some random thoughts that are jumbling around:

• I got a new cell phone (Sony Erickson Walkman phone) that has all these bells and whistles, but the battery runs out ultra-quick. What's the point of all the doohickies, when you can't save enough juice to actually call someone?
• Poker note of the day: played a cash game with 11 other people at the hop, won $30. The neat thing is that I had lost $60 at the start, so that means I chipped back and had a swing of $90. That's comforting to me for some reason. That and I got PAID after flopping quad-7's.
• eBay thought of the day: you can't make money selling collectible cards if you buy boxes of unopened cards. The odds are stacked against you. However, buying cards and reselling them at a slightly greater price has been profitable...though actually a bit too slim for the amount of work involved. Still, not a bad little hobby.
• Job: what will chuck do for the next year: standardchuck maxim #2: Don't quit a job without finding another one to replace it. This swinging without a net is a bit disturbing.
• ELV is a great girlfriend. Enough said.
• I have too many gadgets, especially in comparison to my money status. Silly expenditures.

Have a good day...see you in Chicago.

A fair is a veritable smorgasbord

ArtScape...

When introducing the band, jazz up boring names...instead of "on sultry sax, give it up for Kevin," say something like "on sax, give it up for Sexy Teeth Kevin Mac-Daddy-O."

When progressing in the middle of a crowded walkway, try not to be obese, as it slows down the movement of all your peers caught behind you.

Chicken on a stick, or anything on a stick for that matter, is good. Chicken sans stick, strangely, not so good.

What is the world coming to..

My car was broken into, yet again.

I am tired of this city. I'm tired of this country.

Middle east unrest.

A president and congress that agrees on incredible deficit spending.

Indiana lists a fucking Amish popcorn store as a possible terrorist bombing site, yet Times Square is not listed.

I can't walk down the street without a poor person asking for change.

Not giving change, witness the pleading fucker cuss you out.

China, need I say more?

This world needs to just reset.

Eavesdropping at Restaurants

************************************************
(Girl, mid-teens, talking to her mother at a New York style deli)
Mother: Well, what do you want here?
Girl: I don't EVEN know.
Mother: They're famous for their corned beef here.
Girl: Ewwww.
Mother: Well, what DO you want?
Girl: I guess I want something like roast beef with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, but only if they're the sour kind, cause the sweet kind makes me gag. I also want some cheese on it. Whatever. I don't care.
Mother: What kind of cheese?
Girl: I don't know, something regular. I can't care.
Mother: Regular?
Girl: You know, something like at Arby's.
Mother: Cheddar?
Girl: Yeah, or American, cause I don't like the bitter cheese. Whatever.
Mother: You want mayonaise?
Girl: Eww, no way. I HATE mayonaise. Gross. I don't care.
Mother: Alright.
Girl: Ooo, and get me something to drink.
Mother: What?
Girl: Something diet. Like diet Pepsi. Whatever. I don't care.
Mother: Alright.
Girl: Oh, and Mom, can I get some fries?

************************************************
(Timothy Dean Bistro, in downtown Baltimore, two mothers talking at a four top, their husbands busy discussing golf.)

Mom1: So, isn't David going to college this fall?
Mom2: Yeah, he's going, we finished most of his paperwork to live at a tower.
Mom1: He's living off-campus?
Mom2: No, there's some rule about freshmen. At least I know he's going to be in one of the more exclusive on-campus buildings.

(later in the conversation)
Mom2: He's there now, with his girlfriend.
Mom1: Wow, all the way out there.
Mom2: God only knows. I mean, I'm paying for him to be out there, but I didn't pay for him to have THOSE problems.

(even later)
Mom2: This place has great food, but its similar to that place we ate at in Disneyworld.
************************************************

Speak Up, I'm Hard of Hearing

Yes, yes, I has...been too long since...what's that? I live over there, across the street, in my own place, down in the back of that house, so there, up the street, in that brownstone with the awning, yeah, that's the landlord, with the dogs. I know cause I go see her every month with the rent. Its nice, especially in the summer, cause I get this breeze through the window, coming up from the canal, but the thing is, it warps all my papers and pictures. But then again, the good lord doesn't give nothing for free.

How's everyone? The kin, I mean, your kin. Kins the most important thing in this world. I came down here cause my son told me, dragged me down here. In fact, I just came outside here because I'm waiting for my nephew. See, he works for the hospital, and I never know what he's gonna be driving in. See, his daddy gave him a new car, one them SUV's, and he also has a motorcycle. God, he loves that motorcycle. Takes it everywhere, and gets them pretty girls to get on the back. I remember, back when I was a younger man, I used to go on down to Coney Island.

Sure, I used to live in New York. Nah, not in Queens or nothing, I lived in Manhattan. Sure. Up on 71st. Yeah, used to own houses with my wife. We had us a couple buildings in Brooklyn, and we owned our own place in Manhattan. Did well for ourselves. Left it all to my son, Terrance. Then Terrance goes and sells it all and moves me down to Baltimore. I hate it here, Lord have mercy, I hate this city. I hate the way the people here walk hardly anywhere. You know, in New York, we have the greatest public transportation system, its a system you know, and a man could go a lifetime without having to set one foot in a taxicab or a car. Buses and subways, and where those weren't, I had my own two legs to carry me there. People here, in this town, they're lazy. Waving their hands, wanting a ride, shameless. If we had a decent subway system, this place'ed be livable.

I wonder where that boy is, my nephew, you know. I got to be standing here waiting for me, since I broke my cell phone. It doesn't work anymore, and I'm waiting for Terrance, my son, to bring me a new one. Can't just wait inside, since my nephew doesn't remember what number my apartment is. But like I was say, its been too long since I had anyone to talk to, really talk to. I love the English language, our beautiful language, and speaking with friendly faces nowadays doesn't seem to happen very easily. I remember, when I was a younger man, we'd talk to one another, rather than just slip by with cold eyes. That's why I come up to you, sitting on your stoop, to have a chat. See, these kids here, they're rude. They speak such profanities, and they'll just as soon provoke you as say "have a nice day." That's the world now, no time for a conversation. Rather, just fighting words and respect. What good is respect when no one talking to you?

As I was saying though, I want to invite you over to eat at my house. It ain't much, but I love entertaining. Cooking is my life. I love making anything, especially seafood. That's my forte. Ain't had much use for my cooking though, except around Christmas and those holidays, when relatives have me over for my cooking. I like my food like I like my women, salty. These here people, our neighbors, they don't seem to have the time to just sit and talk anymore. You here, smoking on your stoop, I saw you and I thought to myself, I'll introduce myself and we'll sit and talk, like neighbors, cause he looks like a nice enough fellow.

Yes, I guess I should go back across the street anyway, since the nephew is liable to come by any moment, puttering on his bike. I mean it, now, you'll come over, I'd invite you now, but that seems too much, especially with the nephew coming, but I'll cook up some food and get to be hospitable. They say a man shouldn't go to long without company, cause entertaining takes the edges off a man. So, I'm serious now, come on over sometime, just knock on the door.

Good talking to you too, hope to see you soon.

Twinkle Twinkle

The fireworks are just a coverup of the hand gun eruptions.

Felt the need to type something up, insisting that I'm still alive.

Who here doesn't like ice cream. Sure, it gives me the runs due to my lactose-intolerance, but still, there's nothing better with a slice of still warm apple pie.

As a man, I need to stop saying "meow."

How does anyone find work if every job has some pre-existing conditions (excluding Dairy Queen fry clerk, or Chuck E. Cheese ticket exchange specialist) that are, like, impossible to attain (for me, at least)?

Which do you least prefer: Superman, Spiderman, or Batman? My answer, Superman. He's dull. The story line is so dull (Man of Steel uses inhuman powers for helping) that they have to throw in Kryptonite (which is a stupid conceit, if you ask me). Give me the boy next door routine of Spiderman, or the mystery of Batman over a god-figure rooted in FDR mythology.

The script-writing: Kaput-ski. I'm road blocked, especially after watching "Match Point." Woody already messed up one of my scene writing exercises...now what? I'm not cut out to be a writer...don't have the ideas.

Patience is a virtue, but I don't have the time.