It has finally happened. China is now ready to take over the world, and all my argument against China (labelled by the liberal media as "paranoid ramblings of a semi-coherent parakeet," which I think is a misprint of the word "patriot") are now coming true. Back in December, I pointed out the various attributes of the Chinese people that shot them folks in a direct trajectory toward fighting a war with the United States. In addition to the vast population, serious martial art skills, throwing stars, high aptitude for producing high-decibal shrieks (now being used as a possible disarming technique), and their lasers; I told you that these diabolical China-men are working on nefarious plots to covertly infiltrate and subjugate our American shores. For more information, go to Google, type in "china is the devil," and click the Feeling Lucky button.
Well, here's the proof. The Chinese are using evil plots from crappy movies for their new espionage program. Taking a tip from the feature film "Face/Off" (directed by John Woo...yup, WOO), the chinese have performed the first face transplant. According to a CNN report, a man who was disfigured after being attacked by a bear has become the first in China to have a face transplant, a hospital in the country has announced.
First off, everyone knows that there are no bears in China. Second of all, bears don't rip off human faces. Thirdly, the man was give a new cheek, upper lip and nose from a single donor. See, now, here's the point. They're gonna send over this fellow, as a spy, and we're not going to know who he is. I can image the board guarding guy going "you know, this fellow looks like a hunter from the southwest province of Yunnan, but then again he hast eh cheek, upper lip, and nose of a schoolteacher from the northeast province of Nunyan." Being thus confused, this guy is going to waltz in with his crazy face to do God knows what in our country.
What should we have done about this? First off, we should have killed all the French. They pioneered this technology. Some bitch in France
bit the face off her owner, and so the owner, Isabelle Dinoire, got new lips, chin and nose. As you can see from the image to the left, you can't really tell that this woman is composite of multiple people. Though not perfect, its still better than the surgical proceedings before the Frenchies got their cheese coated hands on it (to the right, an unfortunate woman who was attacked by her pet wolverine in the days before face transplants). Second, we need to send more bears. More bears to attack more Chinese. The chinese government would become so preoccupied with bears that they would cease for a while their other pasttimes, like killing intellectuals and raping freedom. Oh, that and enjoying preferred nation status from the US government and raking in the cashola while ensuring that the environmental condition of mainland china will be one of the heaviest contributors of industrial heavy metal runoff as well as key greenhouse contributing gases. Maybe they'll stop running over people with tanks if we sent more bears. Thirdly, we need to kill Nicholas Cage and John Travolta. They make Face/Off. They're scientologists. They should be eliminated. Finally, we need robots. Lots of robots with picture memory. When you try to enter America, you're picture has to be recognized by the robots. If you've had face transplants, the robots will be confused. With confusion, comes laser beams and flying detachable fists. Thus, robots will protect us from face-altering communists. Only then will we truly be safe. In closing, I'd like to say to the 1 billion Chinese people that though some of you are decent, good people, for the most part, I believe you're all killers waiting to destroy freedom cause you hate freedom, and you want to make baby Jesus cry. Well, if you invade, come over to my compound, and I've got a couple friends to introduce you to. 
Scared now, ain't you?
Patriot Standardchuck, out.
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