The Clamor Answered/Rant about America (Sorry)

In response to the Carolina image that my sister sent me, I finally produced this little jpg. There's nothing sweeter than watching/listening to a true blue Carolina fan regressing inward as the action unfolds toward defeat. Especially if said fan has brow-beat you for a loss in the latest tobacco road battle.

It simply wasn't their time. Not only was this a team of freshmen, wet behind the ears and led by a poster boy for scared white boys (preternaturally skilled as Hanesbourgh is), but there were numerous bungles:

1. Calling for a press while in a tie game, having said press broken, resulting in a basket plus a foul. Roy Williams, you know better.
2. Having a point guard who seems to need a stronger prescription for Ritalin. Did you see him? He was running like a hopped up Ben Johnson chasing the Barry Bonds for some of the Clear.
   
3. Repeatedly fouling, over and over again, in a pitch-perfect mimicry of Michigan State's performance.
4. Having your touted freshman finish with 10 points.
5. Losing your cool against a very tough zone. This defense exposed the over-reliance of UNC to inside presence. Without outside shooting, you cannot beat a zone defense.
   

Obviously, this is easy to write from such a dispassionate perspective. UNC did their best, and I tip my hat(e) to a talented coach who pushed his guys to play better than I thought they would be capable of at this time.

Next year will be excellent for UNC. A great recruiting class, a year of seasoning to the present frosh, and the absence of David "am I really a senior" Noel, will all add up to a Sweet 16 berth at the very least for the boys in baby blue.

Baby blue...still doesn't look manly to me. Even if Jay-Z wears baby blue trainers.

In other tourney news, here are my Peter King-esque quick hit thoughts:

1. That UNC-W/Geo. Wash. game was wonderful. So was Tenn./Winthrop, Kansas/Bradley, UAB/Kentucky, UNC/Murray St, LSU/Texas AM, and Washington/Illinois. No wonder there is such madness.
2. How bummed are you if your Gerry McNamara?
3. NC State looked bad...very bad.
4. Duke looks great.
5. UConn doesn't look nearly as great.

Finally, in unrelated news, I finally figured out what is bothering me so much about the state of television today. The mass media system has always pandered to the low-brow needs of middle America (yes, I'm talking about you, Heartland); thus the fumbling dissolution of miraculous programming such as the Upright Citizens Brigade, Arrested Development, The Book of Daniel, Threshold (yeah, it was semi-intelligent), Jack and Bobby, American Dreams, and Carnivale; but the persistence of imbecilic shows featuring non-funny fat men married to bitchy hot women, procedurals that let the viewer feel smart and sated with neatly wrapped endings, and the inevitable crime shows that reiterate the apparently hard to learn lessons that "crime doesn't pay," and "people are really mean sometimes." Why do these shows work while intelligently written, wonderfully entertaining programs go to TV Hell (great website of cancelled shows from 1998 to present)? I just want to be like Marge from Fargo and state that I just don't understand.

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Bungalow/5014/TV_HELL.html

Well, here's the answer. I was talking to a student from a conservative, religious, affluent background about the topic of humor. He stated that most people who are intellectuals (his word) seem to like "nasty humor." He couldn't understand why boundaries had to be crossed or tread upon in order to be funny or cutting edge. Mirroring the writing of Mr. Purty in his book "A Case Against Irony," my student stated that safe humor is the best humor.

Safe humor. That's the reason why America is in the state that it currently finds itself mired in. We do not want to rock the boat, test the tensile strength of the fabric of American society.

That's why we do not revolt against a corrupt and unjust government run by a frat-boy monkey and his ne'er do well cronies, thumping their bibles, with each beat pretty pennies fall from the mouths of babes, an ATM all for the picking of the right-ly winged. This is why we drift rapidly back toward a society of back-alley wire hanger abortions, poverty mouthed children living in Reagan-error hypocrisy, and mindlessly angry American militia'ed up ready to knock off the neighborhood towel head.

This is not what America means to me. We need to ask questions, and not accept the spoutings of Bill O'Reilly. For that matter, don't whole-throat swallow Mike Moore or Al Franken...challenge what anyone is saying, find the painful humor and digest that unappetizing dissent. Maybe you'll see something and DO SOMETHING.

Media and culture has always tried to be a mirror for which society can size itself up. Document that freshman 15 that you gained, Mr. America, as you bungled through the 19th century. My, my, you weren't so good and pure, as the tape rolls of your behavior in the 20th. However, we've become accustomed and disenchanted: anything earnest is overturned with the power of cynicism, and anything that blasts through that wall is automatically censored, sanitized for your eyes and ears.

America doesn't want smart things. Those are for pretentious people who want to kill babies, help dope smugglers, and don't love this country. Lee Greenwood people don't like smart TV. So, congratulations, flip on the tube and enjoy your vapid singing idolatry, America, because I'm going to break the hell out of copyright laws and download all the HBO and FX shows I can before you legislate them away for indecency.

Oh yeah, and fuck you.