F the F-ing Children!

I was at the Arby's Sunday, enjoying a delicious roast beef sandwich, as I am want to do occasionally on my drive from Baltimore to Silver Spring (that same exit off 95 also has a crappy Burger King and a decent Jersey Mike's, for those of you fast food oriented). These are actual excerpts from a conversation (convo) between four African-American women in their church-going (choing) finery...excerpts because I can't remember verbatim what they said throughout the 15 minutes of choing convo that I overheard, mostly due to the clucking of my own tongue in disbelief and absurdity.

AAW1-WWCT (African-American Woman 1 - Whom we'll call TINA) is the woman doing most of the talking. She appears to be the shortest, youngest, and skinniest of the four beings sitting around the table. With her is the main respondant, whom we'll call CHORUS. There's one woman who interjects with a counter-argument at one point, who is going to get stuck with the moniker APPLEPANTS. Finally, there's a woman who sat there, gumming her curly fries, without a peep. In fact, she was more automated eating machine than convo participant. For the hell of it, we'll call her RATIONAL. Let's pick up the convo already in progress:

TINA: I mean to do that in the church.
CHORUS: Mmmmhmmm.
TINA: There's plenty of kids who graduated this time of year. But we only asked some of 'em to get up and get a gift. What about LaToya's kid, what's her name?
CHORUS: Lashica, she got a degree from UB or something.
RATIONAL: munch munch.
TINA: Exactly, we giving high school kids gifts for some reason. Cause they graduated. I don't even know why we celebrating that in church.
CHORUS: Why get them gifts??!
APPLEPANTS: That's not the bad thing, though.
TINA: No, the bad thing is they left out people. Like those two new kids. They graduated from school. They didn't get nothing. And Lashica, she didn't either. I mean if you do that in church, you got to figure it all out.
CHORUS: I know, I know.
APPLEPANTS: They can't know it all...
TINA: Then don't it at all. It makes me so mad. Doing that in fuckin' church.
CHORUS: mmmhhmmmm.
APPLEPANTS: They do it in all the churchs.
TINA: Makes me so mad, doing that in fuckin' church. Like they need celebrating for graduating.
The rational woman didn't say a word. None of them said anything about the bold combination of the words "fuck" and "church." TINA's sentiments were extreme...extremely f-in' hilarious!!! Man, that's good dinner theatre!