Marlins vs Orioles

There are some things that one must do alone. Masterbation is usually performed alone, since this act in front of those who care not to see solo pleasure is considered a social faux pas. Additionally, mutual masterbastion usually ends up not staying masterbatory for very long.

However, there are other pleasurable activities that one can experience that don't require genitalia (this post has, from the start, become NSFW). I'm talking about baseball.

Sitting in the upper level along the right field line, legs propped up on the empty seat in front of me, I got to really enjoy a baseball game. Sure, it was a meager matchup between the deconstructed Florida Marlins versus the "we're never going to be good because we play in the AL East" Baltimore Orioles. There are so many things that are enjoyable about going to the ball park (especially Camden Yards):

• Without someone there alongside, chirping away about non-baseball issues, I got to really focus on the game. Noticed how the outfield shifted in so many different formations; how the pitcher really pushed off his back leg (especially the young pitcher Scott Olsen, who pitched 7+ great innings); and how Miguel Tejada is so focused while playing defense.
• The smells, the sights, the sounds...such a complete sensual experience. It almost made up for the fact that it was very warm and very muggy, with only a slight breeze.
• I got to make a fool of myself with the food that I ate. No one (especially Lighthouse) sitting next to me, urging me to eat a salad.
• The random conversations I got to engage in with other fans. Did you know that Boog Powell (the man who's name graces the barbeque pit in centerfield) stole 7 bases in 1968? His sixteen year career total was only 20 SB. Did you also know that Boog once showed up to the hardware store owned by Matt's father (Matt's the guy who sat in the same aisle along first base side who I talked to once I moved down to the lower level in the 8th inning).
• Doing pretty much anything I wanted to...going to the ballpark solo is an interesting feeling of possibility and hope. If the ball pops foul to me, I can chase after it with the 12 year olds without having to worry about embarrassing my date (ELV, when we go to a game, I promise I'll leave my mitt at home).
  

There's something magical about baseball: the relaxed atmosphere, the buzzing sound of so many different voices talking about anything other than baseball, the rolled up oxford shirts of business men trying to drink away the tensions of work, and the fans collectively booing (cheering occasionally, but the booing is so much more fun). We got to see a game tonight, with blown saves, game tying homeruns, game winning errors, and EXTRA innings!

So, for you who are near baseball parks, go to a game. Its much more cost affordable than the NFL or NBA, and you'll have a chance to really get some alone time...and if you're in the upper bleachers, you can probably masterbate as well.