Upon thinking about the past, I've come to this significant, simple conclusion about myself: I don't know what the heck I'm doing.
Always one to think myself out of anything, be it painful or happy, I've always managed to steer myself into the middle lane of life. What this means is that I've often avoided the situations that could have led to either incomparable joy or spirit crushing defeat.
Think back with me, world, to the time in junior high, where instead of climbing the ladder to the high jump at the YMCA, I rather stayed in the water, scissor kicking to stay afloat as my buddies performed awe-inspiring cannonballs and bellyflops.
Cut to college, where I refused to sink my teeth into the role of Grumio during a production of "Taming of the Shrew," turning a meaty comedic opportunity into a rather laissez faire jumble of poor acting.
Switch back to high school, with the few girls that I "crushed" on. Oh the shudders of horror thinking about the awkward idiocy that I exhibited, fumbling with words and dripping magma hot sweat from my embarrassed face.
Come back to the present, dear reader. I am a bit better at all things. Yet, sometimes, I wonder why I didn't swing for the fences. My friend told me the other day that I pulled punches, taking the easy path rather than march through the brambles.
And look where it got me.
I think I'm doing alright, even if I'm not balls to the wall. So raise your glasses and toast the strangeness of life's trip. God knows, I'm happy to be here.
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I suppose there's something to be said about living life in the creamy middle--not a bench warmer, not the star player, you're the guy on the team who makes the comfortable wage and can still go to the grocery store without being mobbed by fans. I'm there, too. Sometimes I wish I'd hit harder, pulled fewer punches, bunted less to get the other guy to home plate ... followed my guts instead of my online bank account ... but it could be a lot worse. You have a comfortable home, you aren't fattening up your tapeworm with raw ramen and ketchup, and you've got a great girl. Not enough to get you out of the occasional duldrums that come from being a smart guy stuck in the middle? Then take a second to recognize that, as old as you may feel, you're only going to get older; you're pretty young, still--there is still time to take some good chances, with the knowldege you've gleaned from experience. There is always time to take little ones.
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