From a Fantasy Football league

So, I'm in this league. Mostly friends (including Chicago funny man WDD), but the commish is, how you say, not very good. In response to his Commissioner's Note, I wrote this...see if it makes any sense.

Re: New Commissioner's Note
by: Charles N (???Johnny Drama???)
Sep 12 2:47pm

Oh, there so much to comment on, I can hardly contain it! Words springing forth like Athena, fully formed, from my fingertips. Powerful impact, boom!

On the Commish's observations -

1. Rundown of typos: 5 Ephendrinators (spelling) Marty get it in gear what is Sunday Ticket for? (punctuation) Delholmme (spelling, its like you confused Delhomme with Holmgren) repeat last weeks outing (punctuation) really on (spelling, it is rely)

2. What does this post remind you of...could it be Peter King's 10 Things I Think I Think?

3. Awful Reading Commissioner's Post Moment That May Only Be Interesting to Me LT looked human on Sunday, but Wheel likes boys. Is it just me or does the preceding sentence actually make sense? Also, how about that radioactivity half-life joke. How ironic! If only you could have worked in a Marie Curie getting cancer and maybe something about Oppenheimer's wrinkled balls, then it would have been the bestest joke ever!

Now, time for my crappy Freshmen 15 (make it 10) thoughts about Week 1 -

1. Is it just me or does it seem unfair that anyone has to lose? You Gonn' Learn, you were robbed.

2. When the Houston DEF is the highest scoring producer on a team, it says that you have a crappy fantasy team.

3. Some perspective on the scoring of this league: the top five in offensive scoring (Romo, Burress, Eli, Moss, and Brady) scored about the same as the top five defensive scoring (Minnesota, Houston (???), Pittsburgh, San Diego, and Cincinnati). 182.96 vs 180. That just doesn't seem kosher.

4. More on point analysis: Houston had 38 fantasy points, which is double the amounts of the top three teams, Chicago (18), Baltimore (17) and New England (19).

5. Which of the top four teams looks like the real deal? None of them. Sure, we've got LT in the mix, but all of these 1-0 teams had significant freak-out, I'm gonna score 30 points games from usual suckers (Melon's 40 points from Vikings D, 38 from Plaxico for Skora Sucks, Wheel's 25 from Green Bay and 24 from Int Machine Kitna, and Genesee's retarded 20+ from Delhomme, Lamont "Lame Fatty" Jordan, and White Boy Witten). There's no way they keep scoring that this pace.

6. Underachiever of the week: has to be Thneeds, who got a 1.5pt week from Cedric Benson, a 3 from Jerry Porter (please start a non-Raider, Shaw) and only 13.8 from Gore, who should be a 20+ scorer.

7. Piercy's team isn't that bad. How often will Brees, with that offense, get a negative...the answer, never again. What a fluke.

8. Just looked at the settings: why is a QB charged with negative points for being sacked?!! You don't penalize a player for the faults of his offensive line. This is just plain stupid.

9. The Bonuses: ridiculous. Passing Yards (25 yards per point; 4 points at 300 yards; 4 points at 400 yards) Rushing Yards (10 yards per point; 3 points at 100 yards; 3 points at 200 yards) Reception Yards (10 yards per point; 4 points at 100 yards; 2 points at 150 yards) I like bonuses of one or two points. Not four. That's just silly. Why reward a QB who has to keep throwing more points than a back who does a great job and gets to 100?

10. Quick Hit Thoughts for Week 1

a. Fooks, if you think JaMarcus Russell is going to play this year, then you've finally succombed to being a fully-fledged awful fantasy football player.

b. I hate being able to start only two RBs.

c. Line of the week: Lee Evans, WR, 2 rec, 5 yards, .9 points. You love that pick, don't you Bill?

d. 83 points should not get you a win. Sadly, you would have beated 4 of the bottom teams. That's what expansion does to a league.

e. Stephen Jackson can't really be that bad, right Chi-Town?

f. The Olindo Mare Award for worst team on paper: Jill and Christoph. Seriously, I hate having Fred Taylor, its like having to dance with the frumpy friend of a hot chick you're friend is trying to hook up with. Fred Taylor is the wingman's burden compared to Jones-Drew.

g. Also, D.J. Hackett? Seriously?

h. My new goal for this season? 120 free agent moves by week 10.

i. I kinda feel bad for the ephedrinators. Would you ever expect such bad news like losing Eli Manning to a pussy injury (I mean slight tear in the shoulder), a horrid performance by Phillip Rivers, and then thinking about starting Trent Green?

j. Since I'm aping Peter King, here's my obligatory MLB comment, Jay Gibbons used performance enhancing drugs. Look, let's just be honest and fold the Orioles. Turn them into a minor league team for the Yankees, which isn't that far off from the truth. The O's suck, and talk about the ultimate cruelty, with all these Orioles linked to steroids and HGH, where was the performance enhancement?