Just to let everyone know...I might be sparce for the next couple of weeks through the transition in work and life. Thanks and have a great weekend.
StandardChuck
Friday, September 28, 2007
The Taint Keeps A-Spreading (or why sports continue to disappoint law abiding citizens)
With the announcement that boxing's "Sugar" Shane Mosley used the "clear" and the "cream" before his 2003 bout with Oscar De La Hoya, can we commence performing two intellectual rituals moving forward through the rest of our sports' fan lives?
First, boxing is dead, long live boxing. The pundits have been bemoaning the waning popularity in the sweet science from the American audience, and they have every right to worry. The heavyweight division, once the roaming grounds of Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, and countless other greats, is now an anemic, uninteresting mess. Here's a great link to boxingwriter, who deplores the state of the heavyweight division (with links to other great articles). Second, there is a dearth of great American prize fighters currently in the ranks of boxing. Who would blame them? All the best athletes have left boxing for the NFL, NBA, and even the MLB. Why endure the brutality of boxing if you can just get knocked around on a field and make a whole lot more money? Do you want to be one of the 900 boxing deaths?
I'm sure the rise of mixed martial arts hasn't helped boxing.
Now, if that wasn't enough, boxing has to suffer though allegations of doping. Looks like the WBA, WBO, WB-why the hell are there so many associations...all of the lot have to deal with the same scrutiny devoted to the WWE.
Second, and more importantly, I think we've now gotten to the point where there is no shock in hearing that an athlete used performance enhancing drugs. Reading the article about Shane Mosley, and for that matter, the allegations against Rick Ankiel, Jay Gibbons, etc etc etc, the whole Floyd Landis thing...all of it barely raises the eyebrow anymore (and the eyebrow is a hair triggered device). Sports have become tainted irreparably, and we as sports fans have to come to the conclusion of guilty until proven innocent. Let's all wire our minds to think that all of our athletic heroes are doping, because, sadly, the prevalence of performance enhancement (and the lack of culpability in today's age of PR-firm friendly techniques of denial and flat-out lying) has created a stage where we cannot and should not trust that athletes are on the up and up.
This does not mean that we can't still watch and cheer. Just remember, you are no longer cheering the endeavor of fellow human beings on the field...you're probably applauding the efforts of the new biochemically engineered athlete.
First, boxing is dead, long live boxing. The pundits have been bemoaning the waning popularity in the sweet science from the American audience, and they have every right to worry. The heavyweight division, once the roaming grounds of Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, and countless other greats, is now an anemic, uninteresting mess. Here's a great link to boxingwriter, who deplores the state of the heavyweight division (with links to other great articles). Second, there is a dearth of great American prize fighters currently in the ranks of boxing. Who would blame them? All the best athletes have left boxing for the NFL, NBA, and even the MLB. Why endure the brutality of boxing if you can just get knocked around on a field and make a whole lot more money? Do you want to be one of the 900 boxing deaths?
I'm sure the rise of mixed martial arts hasn't helped boxing.
Now, if that wasn't enough, boxing has to suffer though allegations of doping. Looks like the WBA, WBO, WB-why the hell are there so many associations...all of the lot have to deal with the same scrutiny devoted to the WWE.
Second, and more importantly, I think we've now gotten to the point where there is no shock in hearing that an athlete used performance enhancing drugs. Reading the article about Shane Mosley, and for that matter, the allegations against Rick Ankiel, Jay Gibbons, etc etc etc, the whole Floyd Landis thing...all of it barely raises the eyebrow anymore (and the eyebrow is a hair triggered device). Sports have become tainted irreparably, and we as sports fans have to come to the conclusion of guilty until proven innocent. Let's all wire our minds to think that all of our athletic heroes are doping, because, sadly, the prevalence of performance enhancement (and the lack of culpability in today's age of PR-firm friendly techniques of denial and flat-out lying) has created a stage where we cannot and should not trust that athletes are on the up and up.
This does not mean that we can't still watch and cheer. Just remember, you are no longer cheering the endeavor of fellow human beings on the field...you're probably applauding the efforts of the new biochemically engineered athlete.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Ballad of the Final Table Poker Room
Sometimes, our preconceived notions get the better of us. For a guy like me, where a trip to the Korean supermarket is considered international travel and where the closest I get to Kerouracian adventure is taking a different route through East Baltimore than the rest of the white collar sect, sometimes the minds takes advantage of us, making us into sad, real life versions of Walter Mitty.
Case in point, my friend (who we'll call Tobius) and I went to visit the Final Table Poker Club. As my pal Ad-Rube said before the trip: "Uh…are you serious?" Sure, what's not to like...I imagined that this place was going to be like Teddy KGB's place in "Rounders." All in the confines of Duldalk (east Baltimore, a butt of jokes in Baltimore much like West Virginia to the rest of the States in the Union).
Tobius and I made the trek up to Duldalk. In the heart of the wilderness of white trashia, past the ghettos of racial discontent, right near a Gentleman's Gold Club and a little past a super buffet, we found ourselves at the Final Table Poker Club. Adjacent to a pizza and pasta joint called Papa Leone's (and uncomfortably close to a landmark called "Drug City"...making me think of Hampsterdam), we parked the car and had a moment of doubt. Why were we here? Should we actually go into this poker club in this sketchy part of Dundalk? Why do I have the sudden urge to wear a wife beater?
Scratch that, I had the moment of doubt. As soon as the engine came to a stop, Tobius was out the door, ready for action. One thing you can say about Tobius, amongst the volumes that I can write about the man, is that he is brave. I might add that he's brave from ignorance, laughing in the face of danger with a blank smile and an awkward pause, but I'm sure Tobius would disagree. Maybe he was feeling the mood to beat a bunch of dock workers with rolled Aces over Kings.
Turns out he really had to use the bathroom.
The Final Table Poker Club is an innocuous place. It is apparently very legal and very law abiding. My dreams of under the table deals, payoffs like those ubiquitous Cherry Slots machines in liquor stores around Baltimore, scrubby guys with threatening looks and even meaner girlfriends were dashed upon the clean, smokeless air of the place. There was no danger in the air. Instead, there were clearly worded guidelines on the walls and a table filled with crappy prizes, like a set of kitchen knives and a AM/FM radio.
Turns out it is completely legit. So why would grown adults pay $22 a pop to play meaningless tournament poker? Apparently, there is a quarter of a year long season where people try to accrue tourney points. The top 9 point getters are invited to a final table showdown where the winner get an all expenses paid trip to Las Vegas (2nd prize: a room at the Borgata; 3rd: a 24" flat screen TV). For this chance, people pony up the money Tuesday - Saturday. Enough people do it to routinely fill 3-4 tables, though last night there was the same amount of players as there were staff, three.
Needless to say, I was very disappointed. I was so dejected that the only way I could feel better was to indulge in a pure, immoral lie, calling up Ad-Rube to tell him that we had been kicked out of the club due to homosexuality. Rube didn't really believe me, but it made us laugh for a few seconds before my conscious got the better of me (honestly, I tried to call you back, Rubes, but you didn't answer to accept my apology).
Would I play there? Probably not. Why pay to play for nothing but the chance to win a prize. That's 22 a dollar a pop, and I'd only have to save a few of those buyins to actually play a real tourney in Atlantic City, possibly winning cold hard cash with which to buy a set of kitchen knives or a box of Francesca wine.
Another moment of my mind playing tricks on me...at least, after we left the joint, we went as saw "Shoot Em Up." What mindless entertainment to cap a night of mindlessness.
Case in point, my friend (who we'll call Tobius) and I went to visit the Final Table Poker Club. As my pal Ad-Rube said before the trip: "Uh…are you serious?" Sure, what's not to like...I imagined that this place was going to be like Teddy KGB's place in "Rounders." All in the confines of Duldalk (east Baltimore, a butt of jokes in Baltimore much like West Virginia to the rest of the States in the Union).
Tobius and I made the trek up to Duldalk. In the heart of the wilderness of white trashia, past the ghettos of racial discontent, right near a Gentleman's Gold Club and a little past a super buffet, we found ourselves at the Final Table Poker Club. Adjacent to a pizza and pasta joint called Papa Leone's (and uncomfortably close to a landmark called "Drug City"...making me think of Hampsterdam), we parked the car and had a moment of doubt. Why were we here? Should we actually go into this poker club in this sketchy part of Dundalk? Why do I have the sudden urge to wear a wife beater?
Scratch that, I had the moment of doubt. As soon as the engine came to a stop, Tobius was out the door, ready for action. One thing you can say about Tobius, amongst the volumes that I can write about the man, is that he is brave. I might add that he's brave from ignorance, laughing in the face of danger with a blank smile and an awkward pause, but I'm sure Tobius would disagree. Maybe he was feeling the mood to beat a bunch of dock workers with rolled Aces over Kings.
Turns out he really had to use the bathroom.
The Final Table Poker Club is an innocuous place. It is apparently very legal and very law abiding. My dreams of under the table deals, payoffs like those ubiquitous Cherry Slots machines in liquor stores around Baltimore, scrubby guys with threatening looks and even meaner girlfriends were dashed upon the clean, smokeless air of the place. There was no danger in the air. Instead, there were clearly worded guidelines on the walls and a table filled with crappy prizes, like a set of kitchen knives and a AM/FM radio.
Turns out it is completely legit. So why would grown adults pay $22 a pop to play meaningless tournament poker? Apparently, there is a quarter of a year long season where people try to accrue tourney points. The top 9 point getters are invited to a final table showdown where the winner get an all expenses paid trip to Las Vegas (2nd prize: a room at the Borgata; 3rd: a 24" flat screen TV). For this chance, people pony up the money Tuesday - Saturday. Enough people do it to routinely fill 3-4 tables, though last night there was the same amount of players as there were staff, three.
Needless to say, I was very disappointed. I was so dejected that the only way I could feel better was to indulge in a pure, immoral lie, calling up Ad-Rube to tell him that we had been kicked out of the club due to homosexuality. Rube didn't really believe me, but it made us laugh for a few seconds before my conscious got the better of me (honestly, I tried to call you back, Rubes, but you didn't answer to accept my apology).
Would I play there? Probably not. Why pay to play for nothing but the chance to win a prize. That's 22 a dollar a pop, and I'd only have to save a few of those buyins to actually play a real tourney in Atlantic City, possibly winning cold hard cash with which to buy a set of kitchen knives or a box of Francesca wine.
Another moment of my mind playing tricks on me...at least, after we left the joint, we went as saw "Shoot Em Up." What mindless entertainment to cap a night of mindlessness.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
In the News: Excuse Me If We've Heard this One
Ahhh, the fresh smelling news...
- Investigators Being Sent to Iraq by Defense Secretary Robert Gates: What'cha Gonna Do With All Those Facts You're Gonna Find? - Defense Secretary Robert Gates told Congress on Wednesday he is unhappy with the Pentagon's oversight of its private contractors in Iraq, saying he's dispatched a fact-finding team to investigate problems there. Mmmmm, mercenary justice - "Many outsiders have predicted since the war began that the reliance on contractors — especially security contractors — was going to eventually produce problems, and now it has," said Loren Thompson, a defense expert at the Lexington Institute, a think tank. "The nature of the war does not encourage anybody to pay close attention to what local laws require," he added. "When you're in an environment where the Shiite militias and the Sunni insurgents are paying no attention at all to the law, there's always a rationalization for American forces ignoring it, too, and that's doubly true in the case of private contractors."
- Violent crackdown launched in Myanmar: The sound of peace is beating down monks - Security forces in Myanmar opened fire on demonstrators Wednesday, and witnesses said police beat and dragged away dozens of Buddhist monks. When you're losing, just question the monkness of monks - The junta said security forces opened fire after a crowd of 10,000 people, including what it described as "so-called monks," failed to disperse at Yangon's Sule Pagoda. It said police used minimum force. When did firing a gun into a crowd considered minimal force? Burma, the land of gatherings of four or less - When faced with a similar crisis in 1988, Myanmar brutally suppressed a student-led democracy uprising. Soldiers shot into crowds of peaceful demonstrators, killing thousands. On Tuesday, the junta banned all public gatherings of more than five people and imposed a 9 p.m.-5 a.m. curfew following eight days of anti-government marches led by monks.
- Day's Favority Story; Craig tries to withdraw guilty plea: Great White Hope - Sen. Larry Craig said he hopes that his guilty plea in an airport sex sting will be rescinded by a court in Minneapolis on Wednesday. The greatest slogan ever - "We're protesting the fact that a man has been convicted of a crime that he didn't commit," said Jason Gabbert, 38, of Apple Valley. Gabbert, dressed as the policeman, held a sign that said, "Next time pee, don't plea!"
- Baltimore City News; Teen dies after accident on skateboard: Darwin Award Hopeful - if you've known StandardChuck, we have a policy of not supporting skateboarders. This is why. A 15-year-old boy who fell after holding on to a cement truck while riding a skateboard last week in South Baltimore has died, police said.
- Self Vicktemization; Falcons QB Vick tests positive for marijuana; judge imposes tighter restrictions on freedom: You know, if I were facing prison time and my career was over and all my friends turned their backs on me, I totally would smoke a bowl.
- Scientists find new species in Vietnam: new orchids...neat.
- Russian woman's 12th baby weighs in at 7.75 kg: The russians have finally perfected the Super Human formula. That poor woman's body will never be the same again.
- Court: New mom must get extra test time: so many jokes, but I must abstain...huh...huhhuh..."equal footing" with the men and non-lactating women who take the exam...huhhuh...special considerations much? - Currier already had received special accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act for dyslexia and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, including permission to take the test over two days instead of one.
- Paris Hilton plans to jet to Rwanda: Because nothing brings serious inquiry into genocide like a worthless celebritard's visit - Paris Hilton plans to visit Rwanda as part of her post-jail commitment to use her celebrity status to bring attention to social causes. A worse crime against humanity - "I'll be going in November, after I get back from filming my movie" all those poor Rwandan kids to hear that they're "so hot" - "I want to visit more countries where poverty and children's issues are a big concern," she says. "I know there's a lot of good I can do just by getting involved and bringing attention to these issues." Can't we just deport her to whore island and get it over with?
- Bears to bench Grossman, start Griese: That's the end of sex cannon isn't it ksk?
- This is what happens when teenage girls get around animatronic rodents; Police break up brawl at Chuck E. Cheese: it wasn't the first, and it won't be the last - "There was a similar incident there awhile back, and we also had that same issue at Cinemark, and (management) decided to start restricting who they allowed in at certain times," Sexton said.
- AHHHHHHHHHHHH, part 1; Man buys smoker, finds human leg inside
- AHHHHHHHHHHHH, part 2; Scorned wife takes knife to man's penis in Malaysia: the worst part of this story is the picture attached to the story. As WDD-40 writes: "in case you didn't know how a knife slices through meat, here's some meat that isn't attached to a human"
Addition: Link to Boortz.com
ATLANTA POORLY REPRESENTED ON ESPN TOWN HALL MEETING
I hope many of you managed to see that Sports Center special on ESPN last night. I was one of the panelists discussing "The Michael Vick Divide." The experience was very enjoyable, but I must admit that I was shocked by a good portion of the audience at the Sydney Marcus auditorium at the Georgia World Congress Center. Where did they get those people? (Well, not all of them .. but a good portion of them.) They were booing former Falcons defensive standout Chuck Smith for saying that Michael Vick committed a felony and had to pay the price, and when the moderator asked the audience to show by their applause whether or not dog fighting should be legal, the overwhelming response was that it should! Are these people serious? Dog fighting should be legal?
I'm sorry, but I can't help but thing that the audience there last night embarrassed Atlanta and themselves.
But ... people say that about me too.
Oh, look, ESPN has posted a couple of video clips from the Town Hall Meeting. Hear the Talkmaster get booed in the 2nd clip..
Are Vick and Belichick's Infractions Comparable?
What does the future hold for Michael Vick?
Jena and William F. Buckley
Thought that the facts transcribed from the CNN piece on Jena was interesting, especially the focus on the fact that the white student with the shotgun was never prosecuted. However, where was the opinion in this opinion piece from William F. Buckley?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucwb/20070925/cm_ucwb/themessinjena;_ylt=An27JDQQPNaWQQUlpKamkDYEtbAF
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucwb/20070925/cm_ucwb/themessinjena;_ylt=An27JDQQPNaWQQUlpKamkDYEtbAF
The Vick Saga...Act II
There’s much to be sad about the second chapter of the Michael Vick saga. Here’s a guy who was the face of the NFL, making the most amount of money in the league, living the American dream. He was one of the African Americans who made it, who had found an avenue out of the ghetto that America built through racial policies of disenfranchisement. Vick escaped the gang wars and the drugs that keep a race down. With his money, what did Vick do? He brought his friends along, pulling them upward with him, a brave new future where everything that money can buy was available to create new lives free from the shackles of poverty.
Michael Vick did much for his community. He created a program called Michael Vick’s People, seeking to uplift 25 middle-school boys through building of character traits. Vick was to host a charity golf tournament to go to Virginia Tech massacre victims. In a story by the Virginia Pilot, Vick is described “as loyal to a fault. He has difficulty saying no, whether it's for help on bills, rent, vehicles or bail money.” Vick brought his childhood friends along. As Terrance Mathis, Vick’s one time teammate, quoted Vick on the ESPN “Vick Divide” town hall meeting, “when one of us makes it, we all make it.”
Yet, what did Vick’s friends bring to the table? They brought the ghetto with them into Vick’s world. Vick, his multi-million dollar contract, his image that sold Nike and Gatorade, his reputation as a nice guy that was beloved by football fans of all races…all were damaged by his friends’ actions in endangering it all through a criminal enterprise to fight dogs. Know who you roll with, because when it all falls down, who does Number 7 turn to?
Vick couldn’t turn to his friends, who turned on him for plea agreements as soon as possible. It is funny that the Prisoner’s Dilemma, an old philosophical question, became relevant in this story. Vick couldn’t turn to his team…after all, the team and it’s owner had tried to cover up the story, hoping it would blow away, with vanilla statements of non-committal support, but what could they do? They were trying to get ready for a new season of football. They had done everything to coddle Vick, to nurture Vick, even hand picking a coach who would take Vick to the next level. The Falcons couldn’t do anything. What about family? Nope, Vick had his own father speaking ill of him. There was no one to turn to, no one who would support the fallen Quarterback…
Not so fast. There were those who wanted to continue cheering on Mike Vick. They were in attendance at the Vick Divide forum broadcast on ESPN yesterday, dancing and jeering, yelling obscenities at a Humane Society representative in support of their QB. They’re on the internet, posting “Free Mike Vick” all over the web. The comment on the instant reaction I had to the Vick Divide brings up the question of whether the NFL is damaged more by Vick or the Belichick/Patriots cheating scandal (this is an easy answer…a felony is worse than a misdemeanor). There is the groundswell of support of black ghetto culture, of supporting Vick as a target of the media, the white justice system, racism, hero-worship, bringing down a black man, etc. His fans, his black fans, are coming to Vick’s aid.
I agree with the comments of Neal Boortz during the telecast, who chastised the crowd for their lack of civility as well as the failed logic behind the crowd’s ire. Boortz claimed that the behavior of the crowd did not help to Vick’s winning of public support. There was an air of Jerry Springer in the behavior of the crowd. This is no way to help your fallen hero. As the public relations expert (sorry, but his name slipped my notes) said, Vick can repair his reputation by working to regain his honesty, his integrity. As the NAACP representative said, once Vick serves his time, he can begin anew, his debt repaid. By ranting and raving about a man who has pleaded guilty on his felony charges and issued a well written apology, you’re doing a disservice to a man who is trying to move forward.
I feel bad for Mike Vick. He got caught in a bad situation. At the very least, he can go to prison, do his time, come out, rehab his reputation, and maybe, just maybe, play a few years in the NFL to get back some of his money. I feel bad for the Falcons. Maybe they should have let the man be a man and not come to his aid on every single issue that arose during Vick’s time in the NFL. However, Vick was their man, their star, and when Vick failed, the Falcons failed. This is a team that will be sifting through the ashes of the Vick scandal for years to come. I feel bad for Vick’s fans, because anytime your hero lets you down, you feel bad. I remember the first time I got burned by a hero, when Patrick Ewing walked past me and group of three friends, who had waited in an emptied high school for four hours, without an acknowledgement…with utter disdain. That was the beginning of the end of childhood, and the beginning of the cynicism of adulthood.
Most of all, I feel bad for sports and being a fan of sports. Gone are the days where can love our slugger without fear of HGH, the days we can love our small forward without worry that he’s promoting stop snitching or that high intensity guy who just loses his mind and charges the paying audience. Gone are the days of following a player through his career with the hometown team, the days of hanging the poster of your favorite electrifying quarterback without fear of some crime, any crime, coming out in the news. Gone are the days that you can take your kids to a ball game for fear of hearing foul invectives from the crowd, for civility, Mr. Boortz, isn’t just dead in the audience at the Vick Divide, but it is at every baseball, football, basketball game, where the fans are some of the worst people.
For you racists, take a look at the audience of most sports venues…they’re mostly white.
I digress…the key to remember is that Vick will be remembered for what’s he’s done most recently. Let the man take his punishment. Let him come out of jail with a renewed purpose to do good. I hope Vick comes out, does some work with the community, maybe even make an attempt to work for the animal rights groups. I hope Vick comes back and wins back out trust. I hope he writes a book and leads children in the right things in life. I hope Vick succeeds in the third act of his life.
***********
Here are some interesting articles found in research for this hastily scribbled post.
Michael Vick did much for his community. He created a program called Michael Vick’s People, seeking to uplift 25 middle-school boys through building of character traits. Vick was to host a charity golf tournament to go to Virginia Tech massacre victims. In a story by the Virginia Pilot, Vick is described “as loyal to a fault. He has difficulty saying no, whether it's for help on bills, rent, vehicles or bail money.” Vick brought his childhood friends along. As Terrance Mathis, Vick’s one time teammate, quoted Vick on the ESPN “Vick Divide” town hall meeting, “when one of us makes it, we all make it.”
Yet, what did Vick’s friends bring to the table? They brought the ghetto with them into Vick’s world. Vick, his multi-million dollar contract, his image that sold Nike and Gatorade, his reputation as a nice guy that was beloved by football fans of all races…all were damaged by his friends’ actions in endangering it all through a criminal enterprise to fight dogs. Know who you roll with, because when it all falls down, who does Number 7 turn to?
Vick couldn’t turn to his friends, who turned on him for plea agreements as soon as possible. It is funny that the Prisoner’s Dilemma, an old philosophical question, became relevant in this story. Vick couldn’t turn to his team…after all, the team and it’s owner had tried to cover up the story, hoping it would blow away, with vanilla statements of non-committal support, but what could they do? They were trying to get ready for a new season of football. They had done everything to coddle Vick, to nurture Vick, even hand picking a coach who would take Vick to the next level. The Falcons couldn’t do anything. What about family? Nope, Vick had his own father speaking ill of him. There was no one to turn to, no one who would support the fallen Quarterback…
Not so fast. There were those who wanted to continue cheering on Mike Vick. They were in attendance at the Vick Divide forum broadcast on ESPN yesterday, dancing and jeering, yelling obscenities at a Humane Society representative in support of their QB. They’re on the internet, posting “Free Mike Vick” all over the web. The comment on the instant reaction I had to the Vick Divide brings up the question of whether the NFL is damaged more by Vick or the Belichick/Patriots cheating scandal (this is an easy answer…a felony is worse than a misdemeanor). There is the groundswell of support of black ghetto culture, of supporting Vick as a target of the media, the white justice system, racism, hero-worship, bringing down a black man, etc. His fans, his black fans, are coming to Vick’s aid.
I agree with the comments of Neal Boortz during the telecast, who chastised the crowd for their lack of civility as well as the failed logic behind the crowd’s ire. Boortz claimed that the behavior of the crowd did not help to Vick’s winning of public support. There was an air of Jerry Springer in the behavior of the crowd. This is no way to help your fallen hero. As the public relations expert (sorry, but his name slipped my notes) said, Vick can repair his reputation by working to regain his honesty, his integrity. As the NAACP representative said, once Vick serves his time, he can begin anew, his debt repaid. By ranting and raving about a man who has pleaded guilty on his felony charges and issued a well written apology, you’re doing a disservice to a man who is trying to move forward.
I feel bad for Mike Vick. He got caught in a bad situation. At the very least, he can go to prison, do his time, come out, rehab his reputation, and maybe, just maybe, play a few years in the NFL to get back some of his money. I feel bad for the Falcons. Maybe they should have let the man be a man and not come to his aid on every single issue that arose during Vick’s time in the NFL. However, Vick was their man, their star, and when Vick failed, the Falcons failed. This is a team that will be sifting through the ashes of the Vick scandal for years to come. I feel bad for Vick’s fans, because anytime your hero lets you down, you feel bad. I remember the first time I got burned by a hero, when Patrick Ewing walked past me and group of three friends, who had waited in an emptied high school for four hours, without an acknowledgement…with utter disdain. That was the beginning of the end of childhood, and the beginning of the cynicism of adulthood.
Most of all, I feel bad for sports and being a fan of sports. Gone are the days where can love our slugger without fear of HGH, the days we can love our small forward without worry that he’s promoting stop snitching or that high intensity guy who just loses his mind and charges the paying audience. Gone are the days of following a player through his career with the hometown team, the days of hanging the poster of your favorite electrifying quarterback without fear of some crime, any crime, coming out in the news. Gone are the days that you can take your kids to a ball game for fear of hearing foul invectives from the crowd, for civility, Mr. Boortz, isn’t just dead in the audience at the Vick Divide, but it is at every baseball, football, basketball game, where the fans are some of the worst people.
For you racists, take a look at the audience of most sports venues…they’re mostly white.
I digress…the key to remember is that Vick will be remembered for what’s he’s done most recently. Let the man take his punishment. Let him come out of jail with a renewed purpose to do good. I hope Vick comes out, does some work with the community, maybe even make an attempt to work for the animal rights groups. I hope Vick comes back and wins back out trust. I hope he writes a book and leads children in the right things in life. I hope Vick succeeds in the third act of his life.
***********
Here are some interesting articles found in research for this hastily scribbled post.
- Virginia Pilot story on whether Vick is guilty of being too nice.
- Howard Bryant's article for ESPN on the race issue and the Vick story.
- Temple 3's take on the Vick Divide, a well written criticism.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The Vick Divide and the Rift in Civility
Watching the ESPN Sportscenter 90 minute town hall meeting about the Michael Vick situation and I'm moved to make a few comments.
First, Michael Vick made a mistake and is now culpable to the laws of the United States. I don't think anyone can argue this point.
Second, as much as I have problems with PETA's tactics, I think it is pretty ridiculous booing and chastising a member of the Humane Society for decrying the brutality Michael Vick and friends inflicted on the dogs.
Third, and most importantly, how bad does the crowd come off in the live broadcast. You've got black people in "Free Mike Vick" t-shirts cheering and jeering with abandon, completely ignoring the entreaties of Bob Levy to keep it civil. Mike Vick involved himself in something really bad. His "friends" dimed on him and left him to his fate. Mike Vick is not a victim of anything but his own poor judgment. By booing any indication of an opinion that Vick got what he deserved was routinely booed and yelled down by the mostly black audience. Horrid behavior and shameful representation of the african american community.
I think it is a shame that any criminal can get support from the community due to their race. The outcry for the Jena six is completely different from the "see-no-evil" ignorance of claiming Vick is innocent or the ridiculous support of O.J. Simpson. There's a great amount of ignorance.
Wow...ok, an update...a question about how Goodell deals with Vick vs. Belichick. How is that a very good question? Belichick cheated on a game. What the hell? He didn't commit a felony?!!
This makes me sick. Thank you, Chuck Smith, for talking sense.
Maybe I'll revisit this topic tomorrow with a cooler head.
First, Michael Vick made a mistake and is now culpable to the laws of the United States. I don't think anyone can argue this point.
Second, as much as I have problems with PETA's tactics, I think it is pretty ridiculous booing and chastising a member of the Humane Society for decrying the brutality Michael Vick and friends inflicted on the dogs.
Third, and most importantly, how bad does the crowd come off in the live broadcast. You've got black people in "Free Mike Vick" t-shirts cheering and jeering with abandon, completely ignoring the entreaties of Bob Levy to keep it civil. Mike Vick involved himself in something really bad. His "friends" dimed on him and left him to his fate. Mike Vick is not a victim of anything but his own poor judgment. By booing any indication of an opinion that Vick got what he deserved was routinely booed and yelled down by the mostly black audience. Horrid behavior and shameful representation of the african american community.
I think it is a shame that any criminal can get support from the community due to their race. The outcry for the Jena six is completely different from the "see-no-evil" ignorance of claiming Vick is innocent or the ridiculous support of O.J. Simpson. There's a great amount of ignorance.
Wow...ok, an update...a question about how Goodell deals with Vick vs. Belichick. How is that a very good question? Belichick cheated on a game. What the hell? He didn't commit a felony?!!
This makes me sick. Thank you, Chuck Smith, for talking sense.
Maybe I'll revisit this topic tomorrow with a cooler head.
Blathering Tuesday 9/25 - Coach's Tirade, Shivaree, and miscellaneous
Here at Standardchuck's, we're all about wasting time. So, instead of doing a news post, a new listening post of the new Travis album, or writing about various neat issues like the role of femininity in modern American politics or the protests of the Iranian president, I'm just going to go off the cuff and hit on a few items that really don't deserve their own posts.
*****
Pick on me...I'm a man...I'm 40.
Oh, you've all seen it on ESPN or on youtube (if you haven't, check it out. I would link it but the work-agencia does not allow to open streaming media). Oklahoma State Mike Gundy went off on a journalist for attacking the starting quarterback with personal criticism. Now, this has apparently touched off some semblence of a debate.
The writer who was the object of Gundy's ire, a Jenni Carlson, fought back, claiming that her piece was accurate. Ok. Whatever.
Now this: The Association for Women in Sports Media said Monday night that Gundy handled the situation in an "unprofessional manner," and while he has a right to his opinion "his decision to air his objections in the form of a personal attack shows a lack of respect for all journalists."
Right. Here we go people, let me lay it all out for you. This was standard gamesmanship that the coach was playing against the media. He probably didn't want to talk about anything in particular with the game and, instead of taking the approach of addressing the stupid questions that sports reporters usually lob at sports figures, Gundy took the offensive, making himself the object of criticism and attention, giving his guys a breather from the unending 24 hour sports news cycle.
This is on par with the "go ahead and crown them" Dennis Green tirade or the "playoffs" Mora awesomeness. These are techniques to give the country something else to talk about and allowing the players to just play the games.
I do agree with Gundy, also, that sports reporters need to stop pinioning about the mental states of student athletes. Feel free to say what you want about the mental toughness of a professional player, but don't question the heart of a guy who's still just a student. Pick on a man...who's forty.
**********
Shivaree...this band has a woman who's voice is quite nice. Take a listen...http://staergetaleht.blogspot.com/2007/09/guilty-pleasures-for-humpday-shivaree.html
**********
Desegregation: sure the desegregation of the Little Rock Central high school was a momentous occasion in civil rights history. However, why aren't we looking at the on going segregation that comes from where we live? Housing in America continues to be predominantly segregated, which in turn leads to segregated schools, workplaces, churches, etc. Before we pat ourselves on the back, maybe we need to look at the institutionalized methods that keep white and black living in separate (and often, unequal) areas of the map.
**********
There's a reason why the legislative branch of the US government recently posted barely double digit approval ratings...they waste time. The House has decided to go all nineties on us with a panel inquiry into Hip Hop. Wow...seriously, take a look at what's happening on CBS's violence against women crime procedural hours. How about sexism that's routinely displayed with abandon by our youth on those crappy MTV reality shows? How about the steady stream of violence in the cinema? This is just what America needs, a bunch of rich old white people taking Hip Hop, a diverse genre, to task for sexism and violence. Do your jobs, representatives, and stop wasting time...you'll need to get some real work before you have your Grand Theft Auto 4 hearings next year.
**********
I guess I never addressed the taser student. I'm glad he got tasered...if only we could have tasered the whiny opportunism out of him. Remember that the freedom of speech gives you the right to say what you want, but the flip side is that you also have to face the repercussions of your speech.
**********
URGENT! If you are a family/individual living on a tight budget, get ready to get punched in the bank account this winter. Heat oil prices are going to be record highs.
**********
Dear Conservatives who think that humans have no impact on the environment, here's a visual representation of our impact on wildlife.
**********
Sometimes you just can't win...
"Let me tell a joke here," Ahmadinejad said. "I think the politicians who are after atomic bombs, or testing them, making them, politically they are backward, retarded."
The crowd seemed uncertain how to react. Some applauded that pacifist sentiment, others seemed befuddled by the insensitive use of the word retarded.
Right on. I don't agree with Ahmadinejad, but I do love his use of an insensitive comment to make an agreeable comment towards hippies. Bait on, Ahmadinejad, bait on.
*********
The delusional walking out on the deluded. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070925/ap_on_re_us/un_cuba_protest;_ylt=AtTFchFIWSlVvNhJ1U_8gjwDW7oF
Seriously, they're all jokes, aren't they people?
*********
Finally, free Kiefer Sutherland! DUI! There's no way that Jack Bauer has time to drink and drive at the same time. Dude doesn't even stop to take a piss.
*****
Pick on me...I'm a man...I'm 40.
Oh, you've all seen it on ESPN or on youtube (if you haven't, check it out. I would link it but the work-agencia does not allow to open streaming media). Oklahoma State Mike Gundy went off on a journalist for attacking the starting quarterback with personal criticism. Now, this has apparently touched off some semblence of a debate.
The writer who was the object of Gundy's ire, a Jenni Carlson, fought back, claiming that her piece was accurate. Ok. Whatever.
Now this: The Association for Women in Sports Media said Monday night that Gundy handled the situation in an "unprofessional manner," and while he has a right to his opinion "his decision to air his objections in the form of a personal attack shows a lack of respect for all journalists."
Right. Here we go people, let me lay it all out for you. This was standard gamesmanship that the coach was playing against the media. He probably didn't want to talk about anything in particular with the game and, instead of taking the approach of addressing the stupid questions that sports reporters usually lob at sports figures, Gundy took the offensive, making himself the object of criticism and attention, giving his guys a breather from the unending 24 hour sports news cycle.
This is on par with the "go ahead and crown them" Dennis Green tirade or the "playoffs" Mora awesomeness. These are techniques to give the country something else to talk about and allowing the players to just play the games.
I do agree with Gundy, also, that sports reporters need to stop pinioning about the mental states of student athletes. Feel free to say what you want about the mental toughness of a professional player, but don't question the heart of a guy who's still just a student. Pick on a man...who's forty.
**********
Shivaree...this band has a woman who's voice is quite nice. Take a listen...http://staergetaleht.blogspot.com/2007/09/guilty-pleasures-for-humpday-shivaree.html
**********
Desegregation: sure the desegregation of the Little Rock Central high school was a momentous occasion in civil rights history. However, why aren't we looking at the on going segregation that comes from where we live? Housing in America continues to be predominantly segregated, which in turn leads to segregated schools, workplaces, churches, etc. Before we pat ourselves on the back, maybe we need to look at the institutionalized methods that keep white and black living in separate (and often, unequal) areas of the map.
**********
There's a reason why the legislative branch of the US government recently posted barely double digit approval ratings...they waste time. The House has decided to go all nineties on us with a panel inquiry into Hip Hop. Wow...seriously, take a look at what's happening on CBS's violence against women crime procedural hours. How about sexism that's routinely displayed with abandon by our youth on those crappy MTV reality shows? How about the steady stream of violence in the cinema? This is just what America needs, a bunch of rich old white people taking Hip Hop, a diverse genre, to task for sexism and violence. Do your jobs, representatives, and stop wasting time...you'll need to get some real work before you have your Grand Theft Auto 4 hearings next year.
**********
I guess I never addressed the taser student. I'm glad he got tasered...if only we could have tasered the whiny opportunism out of him. Remember that the freedom of speech gives you the right to say what you want, but the flip side is that you also have to face the repercussions of your speech.
**********
URGENT! If you are a family/individual living on a tight budget, get ready to get punched in the bank account this winter. Heat oil prices are going to be record highs.
**********
Dear Conservatives who think that humans have no impact on the environment, here's a visual representation of our impact on wildlife.
**********
Sometimes you just can't win...
"Let me tell a joke here," Ahmadinejad said. "I think the politicians who are after atomic bombs, or testing them, making them, politically they are backward, retarded."
The crowd seemed uncertain how to react. Some applauded that pacifist sentiment, others seemed befuddled by the insensitive use of the word retarded.
Right on. I don't agree with Ahmadinejad, but I do love his use of an insensitive comment to make an agreeable comment towards hippies. Bait on, Ahmadinejad, bait on.
*********
The delusional walking out on the deluded. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070925/ap_on_re_us/un_cuba_protest;_ylt=AtTFchFIWSlVvNhJ1U_8gjwDW7oF
Seriously, they're all jokes, aren't they people?
*********
Finally, free Kiefer Sutherland! DUI! There's no way that Jack Bauer has time to drink and drive at the same time. Dude doesn't even stop to take a piss.
Monday, September 24, 2007
"Little Boxes" - The Decemberists
So the Showtime program "Weeds" has a theme song that different artists tackle before each episode. Originally recorded by Malvina Reynolds, many different musical luminaries have recorded a version, including Elvis Costello, Randy Newman, Death Cab for Cutie, Jenny Lewis, and the Shins. The Music Slut (one of the favorites of StandardChuck) site has an mp3 of an excellent rendition performed by The Decemberists. Catch It!
A Fantasy Football League...Week Three
This is a post for a fantasy football league that I'm involved with. I'm currently 2-1. Yeehaw. Check out the league here. My team is ???Johnny Drama???
WEEK THREE TIDBITS
Who knows how long I can keep this up? I mean, it is only Week Three, and I’m already hurting for things to say. When I start addressing kicker sleeper potential, or the effect of uniforms on fantasy performance, I’ll have to take a breather and skip a few weeks.
Speaking of uniforms, did you see the Eagles jerseys for the game yesterday against the hapless Lions? As my buddy Chi-Town Prep said, “those uniforms make the Eagles look like the JV team at Fire Island U.”
Before we get into the team rankings, just a thought: what a difference a week makes, eh? Not only did we learn that starting the season 2-0 doesn’t mean you’ll be dancing to the playoffs (Lions, Niners) and starting 0-2 doesn’t mean you’re buried (Eagles). Let’s see if it translates on the fantasy field.
MAX POWER RANKINGS
1. Skora Sucks (3-0, prev rank #3): Nothing like getting a pronouncement of weakness by me to really give you that competitive boost. Seriously, it’s like my trash talking becomes poster board material for players, real or fantasy, which inspires them to greatness. More on that later. Anyway, you’re the only undefeated team and you did it with Larry Johnson looking like Janet Jackson (more like Freddy Jackson, maybe?). My bet, you’ll be 4-0 with the coming match-up with Radioactive Lurch (purposeful typo, folks).
2. Hoover Dans (2-1, prev rank #1): sure, you made like a Hoover and sucked it up real good this week, but any team with two of the top tier wideouts and crazy go nuts Lamont Jordan is going to do well…unless said wideouts vacuum it up (Steve Smith for 1 pt) or you keep your studs on the bench (you could have used Roy Williams, right?). Bad management, but then again, hindsight right?
3. Wheel Rules (2-1, prev rank #2): why aren’t you lower than You Gonn’ Learn? Well, you have LT, who has just got to break out of his scoring funk. Why should you be ranked lower? Because Jamal and Edge both came back down to their ~50 yard per game averages and no one should ever expect big points from the Green Bay defense. What’s done is done, mattress man (Marty, not a gay comment…it’s a line from a movie…a thoroughly hetero movie).
4. You Gonn’ Learn (2-1, prev rank #6): Can I just say that you had your big week of the season? Ronnie Brown looking more like Jim Brown as he picked up 40+ points, and Anquan Boldin getting 14 receptions against the stout, impenetrable pass defense of the Ravens. Congratulations on not just beating your opponent this week, but lapping them for good measure. However, one question: why do you have Chris “should’ve called Enterprise” Henry on your roster?
5. Racist Melon Farmers (2-1, prev rank #5): Holding steady, Mr. Soper. You should have started Kevin Curtis, especially after I said that Curtis is a number 3 receiver if he were in a decent receiving corps. However, you didn’t miss much because you played Donovan McNabb. Thank goodness you aren’t a racist. By the way, how was the christening ceremony that you went to…was it better than watching your beloved Niners at 1pm? Whhhhaaa-chaaa (the sound of a cracking whip, spoken by a man who hasn’t seen his balls since aught five).
6. Thneeds (2-1 pending tonight, prev rank #4): I’m setting myself up for being the target of unending blathering from Pierce if Brees wakes up and punishes the Titans secondary. However, Thneeds gets credit for working with the thinnest bench (~9 points from Randle El, Porter and Peterson). Maybe you should have started Chris Brown? Don’t know how long you’ll stay in the top five, though, with 1 point games from Hines and single-digit games from your Chicago DEF.
7. ???Johnny Drama??? (2-1, prev rank #9): Thank you, Skora, for messing up the draft order. Your tireless work to make small mistakes that can frustrate friends and create mortal enemies also netted me Randy Moss (I feel like Bill Simmons when I see Moss in the end zone, in other words, I feel like a smug little bitch), Wee Willie Parker (is this Steelers team for real?) and Braylon Edwards (I didn’t even need him! In your face, Dan!). Here’s to hoping that my triumphant glow doesn’t fade to black when I meet Bill next week.
8. SD Buckfutters (2-1, prev rank #10): Speaking of the commish, how about pulling off a win without having your QB go yet against the guy who made you change your name. Just a question (and by question, I mean an insult masquerading as a question), why did you start Sammy “Backup” Morris instead of Marshawn “Starter” Lynch? I know it was only 4 pts you left on the table, but seriously, that’s a big carry differential there.
9. phootball (1-2, prev rank #12): I’m giving the tie to the winner of this week. About the same in total points as Score-Ahhhh, but you had the monster Week Three. In this power ranking, I’m following the logic of Eddie Murphy…what have you done for me lately?!!
10. Score-Ahhhh (1-2, prev rank #8): With a team name that makes me think of an excited college football announcer…nope, better joke…processing…a team name that makes me think of having sex when you’re a teenagers…ah, heck, let’s just go back to a gay soft drink, I’m coming to expect poor showings. Questionable management skill here, especially moves like starting D. Anderson instead of Tony Homo. Of course, I better not say too many bad things since it is possible for Reggie Bush to score 100 points tonight.
11. Shenanigans (1-2, prev rank #7): After last week’s Benching Randy Moss Award winning effort last week, how did the Irishman’s team perform this week? Pretty terrible…the worst part, all those high expectation guys doing absolutely nothing (I’m looking at you, Lee Evans, Warrick Dunn, Jones-Drew, Javon Walker, etc). Sad to say it, but I think you’ll have to make more than 1 move this year.
12. Chi-Town Prep (0-3, prev rank #12): Some separation between the winless, Chi-Town has a lead on the total points (actually, Chi-town has more points than Radioactive and similar point values to 2-1 SD Buckfutters, meaning that Prep has had some bad luck). The reason I place him higher than Pierce is that this team could easily be 2-1 now.
13. Radioactive Lunch (1-2 pending tonight, prev rank #11): It could happen…Drew Brees could revert to last year. Then again, how about that Rudi Johnson? This team is hurting…Vincent Jackson being the scoring leader on a fantasy football team is just plain scary to me.
14. Ephedrinators (0-3, prev #11): (to the tune of Mandy) Oh Eli! You came and you played such a stinker. You screwed your face up to look like a sphincter. Oh Eli! How could you throw two interceptions? You should have been a failed conception…um…wow. That took a turn for the personal. Well…what can I say about this team that hasn’t been already said about the War in Iraq. Is it time to cut and run? Maybe not…maybe some consistent play at QB, and a more touches for your RBs, and this team could be decent. Could be…could be…just close you eyes and imagine Sharapova’s freshly showered testicles.
Here’s the 10 things I think I thunk:
1. Can anything stop the Patriots offensive juggernaut? Tom Brady went 23/29 passes for 311 yards and four touchdowns against da Bills. Brady has completed 79.5 percent of his passes so far this season. His QB rating for the last three games are 146.6, 123 and 150.9…10 TDs to 1 INT. That’s pro-level Madden stats! Not only that, but Maroney looks great when he actually gets to run the ball, averaging 4.7 yards per carry. Also, give it up for Ben Watson, who has got 3 TDs in 3 games. Hooray Pats for fantasy…if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying.
2. On passing yards: the passing yards leader is Jon Kitna with 980 yards and 6 TD through three games. However, with his INTs, Sacks, and Fumbles lost, he’s valued evenly with Ben Roethlisberger, who’s thrown about half as many yards (563), but has 6 TD, 1 INT, and 4 sacks. Kitna is a spot starter at best in this league.
3. The team of the week: the Eagles. So, funny thing happened. I’m driving to Bert’s (more on that place later) and I’m talking to Chi-Town. He’s complaining about the Eagles’ uniforms. I think that the Lions can stay with the Eagles and their anemic offense. Once at the bar, I start expounding on how a straight up trade between Donovan McNabb for Tony Romo is horrible for the owner who is giving up Romo. My reasoning, why take a seemingly lateral trade for QBs without juicing the pot? I’m sure the Romo owner could have gotten someone else of value to improve a different position while at the same time still getting McNabb. Selling high, right? Additionally, Romo has legitimate receiving threats in Witten and Owens. I then proceeded to state that McNabb has Kevin Curtis, who in my estimation was an overrated third receiver. Well, a fellow patron of the bar says, “Curtis is the fastest player in the NFL and has great hands.” What was my response? A wise and sagacious, “whatever.”
Cut to two hours later…McNabb goes off, the Philly offense decides to just unleash on that weak Detroit secondary, and the main recipient, Kevin Curtis for 221 yards and three touchdowns. Sick.
So, I offer this service to all of you out there…I will officially, on the record, verbally abuse any of your players which will, in turn, ensure on-field domination. I’ll say that Larry Johnson looks like he’s done in the NFL, and watch out, he’ll go for 300 yards. I’ll put down Sexy Rexy, and then Grossman will throw an 80 yard bomb to himself for a touchdown. I’ll smack talk about the Cincy DEF and they’ll shut out the Patriots in Week 4 while accruing 17 interceptions and, what the hell, 30 sacks on Brady. Plus they’ll punch Belichick in the mouth and become the darlings of the NFL. That’s right…use my patented service and you’ll gain that competitive advantage…think of it as that extra juice that Shawn Merriman had last year pumped into your flagging fantasy team (Bill? Pierce? Mar(t)y?!!)
4. Is Ronnie Brown for real? He went off on the Jets, 23 carries, 112 yds rushing, 6 receptions for 99 yards, 3 total TDs. That’s insane Tomlinson numbers. Alright, let’s look at Brown’s track record…this game, he goes 4.9 a carry. Previous two game 3.0 yards per carry. Previous two years: 2005 4.4 ypc and 2006 4.2 ypc. Sure, the Jets are bad, giving up 121.3 rushing yards per game, but I’d say that this is the Ronnie Brown that the Dolphins should get used to. Don’t split his carries anymore with Chatman and run Ronnie run!
5. Two defenses that are totally confusing me: Miami and Carolina. Sure, Miami didn’t have Zach Thomas, but seriously, this is a defense that features Jason Taylor, Joey Porter, Will Allen, Reynaldo Hill, and Vonnie Holliday. They should not be allowing 166 yards rushing a game?!! For Carolina, how can this front four only have 2 sacks through three games? On paper, their secondary isn’t this bad. The worst part for the Panthers, this was the soft part of their schedule (St. Louis, Houston, Atlanta). They’ve got Tampa Bay, New Orleans, Arizona, and Indy coming up.
6. Who didn’t love the Matt Leinart sulking shots during the Cards/Ravens game? The guy is a schmuck, always has been. Until Leinart grows up and develops a team first attitude, this guy is going to be the next Jeff George without the longevity or the arm.
7. The Top 4 shame report – this is a list of owners (in no order) who really shouldn’t have started these players.
a. Wheel Rules: Green Bay DEF against SD…oh, so horrible.
b. SD Buckfutters: Sammy Morris, RB Patriots, against Bills…ok, the argument that you wanted the backup because New England would have a large amount of garbage time to run out the football and also he’s playing goal-line hawk, but seriously, how can you bench Marshawn Lynch in favor of Morris?
c. Chi-Town Prep: Jeff Garcia, QB TB…Let me say this slowly so that you can understand it: Garcia…should…never…start…in…fantasy…football.
d. Score-AHHHH: Derek Anderson, QB Cleveland…over Tony Romo? Why? Why? WHY?!!
8. Here’s the quick hit thoughts on individual teams:
a. You’re welcome, Jill, for the update on Andre Johnson…I’ll take my payment in cheese curds.
b. Cox’s team looks like the real deal. Yeah, I know, last week I said he’s vulnerable, but he’s got four “ought to score 20 a game” guys (Hasselbeck, T.O., LJ, and Steelers DEF) and the rest of his team can break out at any moment. Scary team.
c. Worst bench: Thneeds,
d. Underperforming benches: Shenanigans, Chi-Town Prep, Wheel Rules
e. Best benches: Racist Melon Farmers, Hoover Dans
9. My football rant of the week: The Ravens (this is going to be the topic every week, right?). Who says we don’t miss Adalius Thomas? The man was the reason why teams didn’t routinely pick the Ravens Defense apart in the hurry-up last year. This year, with Jarrett Johnson doing most of the work, the team gives up way too much space in the middle. Additionally, AD had the sideline to sideline speed to help defend those quick slants and HB options that are killing the defense in the fourth quarter. Seriously, the Ravens have allowed Kellen Clemens and Kurt Warner (!!!) look like John Elway out there.
Additionally, don’t give props to Corey Ivy this week. Sure, he had a good game with 5 tackles and a fumble recovery. However, his man was constantly open, giving Leinart/Warner plenty of open looks. Ivy isn’t a great cover guy, but with his safety type of roaming/hitting skills, he’s sure to hit a guy hard (though that bouncing, hugging non-tackle on Cotchery last week still makes me hate Ivy).
I’m going to give in to pressure…Ravens…9-7, second in the AFC North (you’ll notice my predictions will become more accurate as the season goes on…)
10. My non-football rant of the week:
Bad sports bar fans: if you’re a guy who loves an arcane team, don’t cheer loudly and then look around the sports bar to see if your cheers have been registered by others. Why would anyone care about the Minnesota game unless they had the Minn DEF in fantasy? Nobody cares that you care so deeply about your Vikings. Same goes with you, lonely Chargers fans who decide to antagonize without a crew of similarly attired fanatics. Great story – Skora goes to the Ravens/Chargers game in Baltimore wearing a Chargers jersey. Talks some crap. Gets confronted leaving the stadium. Honestly, the Ravens fan was a douche (as I’m finding more Ravens fans in Baltimore to be) but if you’re going to be a solo fan, be respectful of your surroundings. For instance, there was a schmuck as Bert’s wearing a Boston Red Sox hat backward (yeah, that kind of Boston fan…) who was cheering anything that bad that happened to the Ravens. Honestly, there should be an open policy to chain this guy up like in Black Snake Moan and beat the asshole out of him. Maybe, at the same time, we can make him say chowder correctly.
Here’s a bonus rants – girlfriends, if you come to the sports bar, don’t be all over your man. House’s better half showed up to Berts and was an awesome member of our crew. She knew arcane Bills players like the backup rookie QB and she cheered. Hooray. I don’t even have to mention Jill, since she loves football more than her boyfriend, who probably loves the kicking aspect of the NFL the most. However, at a table adjacent to ours, there was a group of four guys and three girls where the females exhibited every single bad thing about involving girlfriends/wives in football.
1. The annoying question/off topic girlfriend: this one dumpy looking blond in a Steelers girl T-Shirt kept asking dumb questions about the game (The worst… “why’d they do that?”) and then not listening to the answer. She also would make comments about non-football, non-man issues, like “I made the bed this morning, honey…uh, where’s Sandy today?” Awful.
2. The “I’m so bored” looking girl: she was wearing a Cowboys girl cut jersey and she couldn’t have been more bored to be there next to her super Cowboys fan boyfriend (cool guy who got progressively drunk since he knew he’d have to leave with Ms buzzkill). She keep moving around, leaning on her boyfriend, sighing, and doing every trick in the book to get the fuck out of the bar. If you feel that way, why come in the first place? Just stay home.
3. The “I’m hot and horny” girl: she comes in, half an hour into the game, practically straddles her boyfriend’s thigh, and then progresses to initiate as many makeout moments with her boyfriend as possible. Never mind that she had used her feminine wiles to keep her man’s mind off the game during the fourth quarter of three tight games…what’s more offensive is that the combination of her short shorts and the couple’s constant snogging made it impossible to view two of the big screens in their direction. I had to move to be able to watch the NFL games instead of the grinding white crotches. Get a room.
WEEK THREE TIDBITS
Who knows how long I can keep this up? I mean, it is only Week Three, and I’m already hurting for things to say. When I start addressing kicker sleeper potential, or the effect of uniforms on fantasy performance, I’ll have to take a breather and skip a few weeks.
Speaking of uniforms, did you see the Eagles jerseys for the game yesterday against the hapless Lions? As my buddy Chi-Town Prep said, “those uniforms make the Eagles look like the JV team at Fire Island U.”
Before we get into the team rankings, just a thought: what a difference a week makes, eh? Not only did we learn that starting the season 2-0 doesn’t mean you’ll be dancing to the playoffs (Lions, Niners) and starting 0-2 doesn’t mean you’re buried (Eagles). Let’s see if it translates on the fantasy field.
MAX POWER RANKINGS
1. Skora Sucks (3-0, prev rank #3): Nothing like getting a pronouncement of weakness by me to really give you that competitive boost. Seriously, it’s like my trash talking becomes poster board material for players, real or fantasy, which inspires them to greatness. More on that later. Anyway, you’re the only undefeated team and you did it with Larry Johnson looking like Janet Jackson (more like Freddy Jackson, maybe?). My bet, you’ll be 4-0 with the coming match-up with Radioactive Lurch (purposeful typo, folks).
2. Hoover Dans (2-1, prev rank #1): sure, you made like a Hoover and sucked it up real good this week, but any team with two of the top tier wideouts and crazy go nuts Lamont Jordan is going to do well…unless said wideouts vacuum it up (Steve Smith for 1 pt) or you keep your studs on the bench (you could have used Roy Williams, right?). Bad management, but then again, hindsight right?
3. Wheel Rules (2-1, prev rank #2): why aren’t you lower than You Gonn’ Learn? Well, you have LT, who has just got to break out of his scoring funk. Why should you be ranked lower? Because Jamal and Edge both came back down to their ~50 yard per game averages and no one should ever expect big points from the Green Bay defense. What’s done is done, mattress man (Marty, not a gay comment…it’s a line from a movie…a thoroughly hetero movie).
4. You Gonn’ Learn (2-1, prev rank #6): Can I just say that you had your big week of the season? Ronnie Brown looking more like Jim Brown as he picked up 40+ points, and Anquan Boldin getting 14 receptions against the stout, impenetrable pass defense of the Ravens. Congratulations on not just beating your opponent this week, but lapping them for good measure. However, one question: why do you have Chris “should’ve called Enterprise” Henry on your roster?
5. Racist Melon Farmers (2-1, prev rank #5): Holding steady, Mr. Soper. You should have started Kevin Curtis, especially after I said that Curtis is a number 3 receiver if he were in a decent receiving corps. However, you didn’t miss much because you played Donovan McNabb. Thank goodness you aren’t a racist. By the way, how was the christening ceremony that you went to…was it better than watching your beloved Niners at 1pm? Whhhhaaa-chaaa (the sound of a cracking whip, spoken by a man who hasn’t seen his balls since aught five).
6. Thneeds (2-1 pending tonight, prev rank #4): I’m setting myself up for being the target of unending blathering from Pierce if Brees wakes up and punishes the Titans secondary. However, Thneeds gets credit for working with the thinnest bench (~9 points from Randle El, Porter and Peterson). Maybe you should have started Chris Brown? Don’t know how long you’ll stay in the top five, though, with 1 point games from Hines and single-digit games from your Chicago DEF.
7. ???Johnny Drama??? (2-1, prev rank #9): Thank you, Skora, for messing up the draft order. Your tireless work to make small mistakes that can frustrate friends and create mortal enemies also netted me Randy Moss (I feel like Bill Simmons when I see Moss in the end zone, in other words, I feel like a smug little bitch), Wee Willie Parker (is this Steelers team for real?) and Braylon Edwards (I didn’t even need him! In your face, Dan!). Here’s to hoping that my triumphant glow doesn’t fade to black when I meet Bill next week.
8. SD Buckfutters (2-1, prev rank #10): Speaking of the commish, how about pulling off a win without having your QB go yet against the guy who made you change your name. Just a question (and by question, I mean an insult masquerading as a question), why did you start Sammy “Backup” Morris instead of Marshawn “Starter” Lynch? I know it was only 4 pts you left on the table, but seriously, that’s a big carry differential there.
9. phootball (1-2, prev rank #12): I’m giving the tie to the winner of this week. About the same in total points as Score-Ahhhh, but you had the monster Week Three. In this power ranking, I’m following the logic of Eddie Murphy…what have you done for me lately?!!
10. Score-Ahhhh (1-2, prev rank #8): With a team name that makes me think of an excited college football announcer…nope, better joke…processing…a team name that makes me think of having sex when you’re a teenagers…ah, heck, let’s just go back to a gay soft drink, I’m coming to expect poor showings. Questionable management skill here, especially moves like starting D. Anderson instead of Tony Homo. Of course, I better not say too many bad things since it is possible for Reggie Bush to score 100 points tonight.
11. Shenanigans (1-2, prev rank #7): After last week’s Benching Randy Moss Award winning effort last week, how did the Irishman’s team perform this week? Pretty terrible…the worst part, all those high expectation guys doing absolutely nothing (I’m looking at you, Lee Evans, Warrick Dunn, Jones-Drew, Javon Walker, etc). Sad to say it, but I think you’ll have to make more than 1 move this year.
12. Chi-Town Prep (0-3, prev rank #12): Some separation between the winless, Chi-Town has a lead on the total points (actually, Chi-town has more points than Radioactive and similar point values to 2-1 SD Buckfutters, meaning that Prep has had some bad luck). The reason I place him higher than Pierce is that this team could easily be 2-1 now.
13. Radioactive Lunch (1-2 pending tonight, prev rank #11): It could happen…Drew Brees could revert to last year. Then again, how about that Rudi Johnson? This team is hurting…Vincent Jackson being the scoring leader on a fantasy football team is just plain scary to me.
14. Ephedrinators (0-3, prev #11): (to the tune of Mandy) Oh Eli! You came and you played such a stinker. You screwed your face up to look like a sphincter. Oh Eli! How could you throw two interceptions? You should have been a failed conception…um…wow. That took a turn for the personal. Well…what can I say about this team that hasn’t been already said about the War in Iraq. Is it time to cut and run? Maybe not…maybe some consistent play at QB, and a more touches for your RBs, and this team could be decent. Could be…could be…just close you eyes and imagine Sharapova’s freshly showered testicles.
Here’s the 10 things I think I thunk:
1. Can anything stop the Patriots offensive juggernaut? Tom Brady went 23/29 passes for 311 yards and four touchdowns against da Bills. Brady has completed 79.5 percent of his passes so far this season. His QB rating for the last three games are 146.6, 123 and 150.9…10 TDs to 1 INT. That’s pro-level Madden stats! Not only that, but Maroney looks great when he actually gets to run the ball, averaging 4.7 yards per carry. Also, give it up for Ben Watson, who has got 3 TDs in 3 games. Hooray Pats for fantasy…if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying.
2. On passing yards: the passing yards leader is Jon Kitna with 980 yards and 6 TD through three games. However, with his INTs, Sacks, and Fumbles lost, he’s valued evenly with Ben Roethlisberger, who’s thrown about half as many yards (563), but has 6 TD, 1 INT, and 4 sacks. Kitna is a spot starter at best in this league.
3. The team of the week: the Eagles. So, funny thing happened. I’m driving to Bert’s (more on that place later) and I’m talking to Chi-Town. He’s complaining about the Eagles’ uniforms. I think that the Lions can stay with the Eagles and their anemic offense. Once at the bar, I start expounding on how a straight up trade between Donovan McNabb for Tony Romo is horrible for the owner who is giving up Romo. My reasoning, why take a seemingly lateral trade for QBs without juicing the pot? I’m sure the Romo owner could have gotten someone else of value to improve a different position while at the same time still getting McNabb. Selling high, right? Additionally, Romo has legitimate receiving threats in Witten and Owens. I then proceeded to state that McNabb has Kevin Curtis, who in my estimation was an overrated third receiver. Well, a fellow patron of the bar says, “Curtis is the fastest player in the NFL and has great hands.” What was my response? A wise and sagacious, “whatever.”
Cut to two hours later…McNabb goes off, the Philly offense decides to just unleash on that weak Detroit secondary, and the main recipient, Kevin Curtis for 221 yards and three touchdowns. Sick.
So, I offer this service to all of you out there…I will officially, on the record, verbally abuse any of your players which will, in turn, ensure on-field domination. I’ll say that Larry Johnson looks like he’s done in the NFL, and watch out, he’ll go for 300 yards. I’ll put down Sexy Rexy, and then Grossman will throw an 80 yard bomb to himself for a touchdown. I’ll smack talk about the Cincy DEF and they’ll shut out the Patriots in Week 4 while accruing 17 interceptions and, what the hell, 30 sacks on Brady. Plus they’ll punch Belichick in the mouth and become the darlings of the NFL. That’s right…use my patented service and you’ll gain that competitive advantage…think of it as that extra juice that Shawn Merriman had last year pumped into your flagging fantasy team (Bill? Pierce? Mar(t)y?!!)
4. Is Ronnie Brown for real? He went off on the Jets, 23 carries, 112 yds rushing, 6 receptions for 99 yards, 3 total TDs. That’s insane Tomlinson numbers. Alright, let’s look at Brown’s track record…this game, he goes 4.9 a carry. Previous two game 3.0 yards per carry. Previous two years: 2005 4.4 ypc and 2006 4.2 ypc. Sure, the Jets are bad, giving up 121.3 rushing yards per game, but I’d say that this is the Ronnie Brown that the Dolphins should get used to. Don’t split his carries anymore with Chatman and run Ronnie run!
5. Two defenses that are totally confusing me: Miami and Carolina. Sure, Miami didn’t have Zach Thomas, but seriously, this is a defense that features Jason Taylor, Joey Porter, Will Allen, Reynaldo Hill, and Vonnie Holliday. They should not be allowing 166 yards rushing a game?!! For Carolina, how can this front four only have 2 sacks through three games? On paper, their secondary isn’t this bad. The worst part for the Panthers, this was the soft part of their schedule (St. Louis, Houston, Atlanta). They’ve got Tampa Bay, New Orleans, Arizona, and Indy coming up.
6. Who didn’t love the Matt Leinart sulking shots during the Cards/Ravens game? The guy is a schmuck, always has been. Until Leinart grows up and develops a team first attitude, this guy is going to be the next Jeff George without the longevity or the arm.
7. The Top 4 shame report – this is a list of owners (in no order) who really shouldn’t have started these players.
a. Wheel Rules: Green Bay DEF against SD…oh, so horrible.
b. SD Buckfutters: Sammy Morris, RB Patriots, against Bills…ok, the argument that you wanted the backup because New England would have a large amount of garbage time to run out the football and also he’s playing goal-line hawk, but seriously, how can you bench Marshawn Lynch in favor of Morris?
c. Chi-Town Prep: Jeff Garcia, QB TB…Let me say this slowly so that you can understand it: Garcia…should…never…start…in…fantasy…football.
d. Score-AHHHH: Derek Anderson, QB Cleveland…over Tony Romo? Why? Why? WHY?!!
8. Here’s the quick hit thoughts on individual teams:
a. You’re welcome, Jill, for the update on Andre Johnson…I’ll take my payment in cheese curds.
b. Cox’s team looks like the real deal. Yeah, I know, last week I said he’s vulnerable, but he’s got four “ought to score 20 a game” guys (Hasselbeck, T.O., LJ, and Steelers DEF) and the rest of his team can break out at any moment. Scary team.
c. Worst bench: Thneeds,
d. Underperforming benches: Shenanigans, Chi-Town Prep, Wheel Rules
e. Best benches: Racist Melon Farmers, Hoover Dans
9. My football rant of the week: The Ravens (this is going to be the topic every week, right?). Who says we don’t miss Adalius Thomas? The man was the reason why teams didn’t routinely pick the Ravens Defense apart in the hurry-up last year. This year, with Jarrett Johnson doing most of the work, the team gives up way too much space in the middle. Additionally, AD had the sideline to sideline speed to help defend those quick slants and HB options that are killing the defense in the fourth quarter. Seriously, the Ravens have allowed Kellen Clemens and Kurt Warner (!!!) look like John Elway out there.
Additionally, don’t give props to Corey Ivy this week. Sure, he had a good game with 5 tackles and a fumble recovery. However, his man was constantly open, giving Leinart/Warner plenty of open looks. Ivy isn’t a great cover guy, but with his safety type of roaming/hitting skills, he’s sure to hit a guy hard (though that bouncing, hugging non-tackle on Cotchery last week still makes me hate Ivy).
I’m going to give in to pressure…Ravens…9-7, second in the AFC North (you’ll notice my predictions will become more accurate as the season goes on…)
10. My non-football rant of the week:
Bad sports bar fans: if you’re a guy who loves an arcane team, don’t cheer loudly and then look around the sports bar to see if your cheers have been registered by others. Why would anyone care about the Minnesota game unless they had the Minn DEF in fantasy? Nobody cares that you care so deeply about your Vikings. Same goes with you, lonely Chargers fans who decide to antagonize without a crew of similarly attired fanatics. Great story – Skora goes to the Ravens/Chargers game in Baltimore wearing a Chargers jersey. Talks some crap. Gets confronted leaving the stadium. Honestly, the Ravens fan was a douche (as I’m finding more Ravens fans in Baltimore to be) but if you’re going to be a solo fan, be respectful of your surroundings. For instance, there was a schmuck as Bert’s wearing a Boston Red Sox hat backward (yeah, that kind of Boston fan…) who was cheering anything that bad that happened to the Ravens. Honestly, there should be an open policy to chain this guy up like in Black Snake Moan and beat the asshole out of him. Maybe, at the same time, we can make him say chowder correctly.
Here’s a bonus rants – girlfriends, if you come to the sports bar, don’t be all over your man. House’s better half showed up to Berts and was an awesome member of our crew. She knew arcane Bills players like the backup rookie QB and she cheered. Hooray. I don’t even have to mention Jill, since she loves football more than her boyfriend, who probably loves the kicking aspect of the NFL the most. However, at a table adjacent to ours, there was a group of four guys and three girls where the females exhibited every single bad thing about involving girlfriends/wives in football.
1. The annoying question/off topic girlfriend: this one dumpy looking blond in a Steelers girl T-Shirt kept asking dumb questions about the game (The worst… “why’d they do that?”) and then not listening to the answer. She also would make comments about non-football, non-man issues, like “I made the bed this morning, honey…uh, where’s Sandy today?” Awful.
2. The “I’m so bored” looking girl: she was wearing a Cowboys girl cut jersey and she couldn’t have been more bored to be there next to her super Cowboys fan boyfriend (cool guy who got progressively drunk since he knew he’d have to leave with Ms buzzkill). She keep moving around, leaning on her boyfriend, sighing, and doing every trick in the book to get the fuck out of the bar. If you feel that way, why come in the first place? Just stay home.
3. The “I’m hot and horny” girl: she comes in, half an hour into the game, practically straddles her boyfriend’s thigh, and then progresses to initiate as many makeout moments with her boyfriend as possible. Never mind that she had used her feminine wiles to keep her man’s mind off the game during the fourth quarter of three tight games…what’s more offensive is that the combination of her short shorts and the couple’s constant snogging made it impossible to view two of the big screens in their direction. I had to move to be able to watch the NFL games instead of the grinding white crotches. Get a room.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Friday Roundup: Cavemen, The Ghosts of Jena, Pizza, Jazz, and the News
Wow, what a jam packed post, here's hoping I don't get lazy and just pack it in, like [insert awful sports team like the Orioles or favorite early cancelled television show...your fate, Cavemen].If you clicked on the Cavemen link, then you have watched the worst thing on the web since any Craig Ferguson clip on youtube (how do you find him funny, America? No clips for you). Man-date? Man-tastic? The only way these statements are funny and enticing is either if you are part of the "Queer as Folk" viewing sewing circle or, in a way, if you're watching NFL football with your buddies. I wouldn't
mind the "we've finally got a night of our own" if it were for a lineup of football followed by the Dallas Cowboys' Cheerleader boob-a-thon, but for Cavemen then a show about carpooling and Jerry "I haven't done anything cool since Sliders except maybe sleeping with Rebecca Romjin" O'Connell? Go screw yourself, ABC.
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Serious news: The fall out from the Jena Six story: a resurgence of noose related hate crimes. All articles are over the last week.
- HATEFUL TEEN ALERT - Two arrested in noose incident near Jena, Louisiana: Authorities in Alexandria, less than 40 miles southwest of Jena, arrested two people who were driving a red pickup Thursday night with two nooses hanging off the back, repeatedly passing groups of demonstrators who were waiting for buses back to their home states.
- ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING ALERT - Noose left wrapped around neck of black figurine in Clyde: In the midst of a flurry of racial incidents around the country this week, a house in Sandusky County has its own display that is likely to generate controversy.
- FILE UNDER MAYOR HANGING - City backs off boycott threat on Bloomberg noose art group: City Hall has backed off a threat to boycott a Queens civic group until its leaders apologize for a poster of a noose "reserved" for Mayor Bloomberg.
- CLOSE TO HOME RACISM - Noose Found on Maryland College Campus: A noose, long associated with lynching and racial hatred, was recently discovered hanging outside the University of Maryland's hub for black cultural affairs.
I will address one of your arguments, though. You made a comment about the failure of the press to look at the other side of the racial divide, at the suffering of the white community in Jena. Here's two articles, an article and another article, with the exact thesis that you utilize in your argument. I'll go with the key quote that I think sums up your opinion: I actually heard a girl shout 'Shame on Jena,' " said Pam Sharp, 43, a local resident who sat in a plastic chair in her driveway as the marchers walked past her house. "I shouted back 'No, shame on you!' How can they include the whole town? That's the shame."
Here is why you are wrong and Pam Sharp is wrong, as are any member of the whole of the American community who thinks that what's happening in Jena is an isolated incident blown up by a 24-hour media cycle: America has to be shamed. Jena is America in a microcosm. Any town that has "a 'whites only' tree in the courtyard of Jena High School" has a serious problem. Any town that allowed for the following things to occur without a blink of an eye is morally wrong: "no white teens were ever charged in the noose incident, despite demands it be treated as a hate crime. On at least two other occasions, black students claim they were assaulted by white students who faced no comparable punishment for those attacks."
The problem with Jena, and racism as a whole, is the belief by some that racism is no longer a problem. White America has been able to sweep the entire historical subjugation of a racial group under the rug, utilizing various psychological techniques (from ridiculing black leaders to claiming innocence of the history of slavery/Jim Crow) to claim that there is no problem. The isolated incidents should be moments of clarity, a time to get your house in order. It should not be a moment to rail against the anger of an entire segment of the population...these protesters in Jena (and throughout the USA) are not harping on a single isolated series of racially idiotic moments...they are rallying against an entrenched systematic racism that pervades all of America.
Shame on you, Pam Sharp. You should be protesting, front and center, working to save your small town. You should not chastise those who protest very real injustice occurring in our country. Shame on you Ricky Coleman: "I believe in people standing up for what's right, what bothers me is this town being labeled racist. I'm not racist." Your town allowed racism to occur over the course of a year in the case of the lead up to the Jena six, and yet you worry about the reputation of Jena? It doesn't matter if you claim that you have no prejudice in your heart (which I sincerely believe is bogus, as I think that all people are prejudiced, not matter how much love you have in your heart), your town failed in race relations. Additionally, Jena citizens, how's this for non-racist actions: Concerns about violence mounted further when five large Confederate flags were hung along one of the main highway routes into Jena on Wednesday, so they could be seen by passengers in the dozens of buses headed to the town for the rally.
The key to remember is that there is racism, hate is alive and doing quite well. We need these incidents to keep the civil rights movement alive and active. We non-blacks need to keep in mind that a race separated and disenfranchised require an apology. Until white America wakes up and realizes that they are the cause of much of the continuation of racism in this great country, there will be no justice, there can be no peace.
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Pizza - I have to admit, the last time I ate at Joe Squared was a year ago...though I know people have eaten there a month ago and found it lacking. I may try it again, but then I'd have to miss out on good pies, like the personal pie at Wink's in Canton. Thin crispy crust, a spicy sauce, and just enough cheese to make my love handles smile. A good pie...and the place is BYOB. Try it out for lunch.
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Music...listening to "Money Train" by Ellington, Mingus, and Roach. This is challenging jazz. Don't know if I like it that much, but its definitely something that's violent and agitating. I'm not familiar with this type of classic jazz, but its something to spend more time examining.
Also...get the new Aesop Rock album...great, great hip hop.
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News that you can use:
- Ready or Not, Here Comes War With Iran: USA, we're a peace loving country - A top American commander on Friday accused Iran of supplying powerful roadside bombs to militants in Afghanistan and said the U.S. would "act decisively" if the cross-border flow continues. Uhhh, what he meant to say was - His comments were not meant as a threat of military action against Iran but a suggestion that border interdiction efforts may need to be increased, Fallon's aides said later. Nothing like death to really make you want to march about peace - The spike in violence came as Afghans marked the U.N.-backed International Day of Peace on Friday. Marches and celebrations were held around the country, and U.N. spokesman Adrian Edwards called the numbers of Afghans participating "remarkable."
- Democrats fail to pass anti-war bill: As Eddie Murphy once said, What have you done for me lately - The Senate rejected legislation Friday that would have ordered most U.S. troops home from Iraq in nine months, culminating a losing week for Democrats who failed to push through any anti-war proposal. Hey Republicans, No Cutting and Running equals fat hippies - Republicans blocked the measure, contending it would have dire consequences for the region and usurp control of the war from seasoned generals. Democrats voting with Republicans, Cats sleeping with Dogs, its just not right - Blocking the bill were 43 Republicans, Connecticut Independent Joseph Lieberman and Democrats Ben Nelson of Nebraska, Mark Pryor of Arkansas and Christopher Dodd of Connecticut. SC note: Lieberman is a schmuck, and I hope Nelson, Pryor and Dodd (!!!) enjoyed their hummers from Larry Craig.
- Another Reason Why Art May Be Idiotic: this is how they sororities at MIT - An MIT student wearing what turned out to be a fake bomb was arrested at gunpoint Friday at Logan International Airport and later claimed it was artwork, officials said. too bad she was good at following directions - Simpson was "extremely lucky she followed the instructions or deadly force would have been used," Pare said. "She's lucky to be in a cell as opposed to the morgue." play-dohhh - The battery-powered rectangular device had nine flashing lights, and Simpson had Play-Doh in her hands, Pare said.
- What America Needs is More Guns: Ain't no hanging chads when you vote with a pistol - Republican Rudy Giuliani sought to reassure the National Rifle Association of his support for a constitutional right to bear arms as rivals Fred Thompson and John McCain focused on the former New York mayor's past calls for tough gun control. I'm a dumb motherf'er and I want to vote for you, TV cop - Some stood and cheered as Thompson said: "Our basic rights come from God, not from government." When did common sense become a bad thing - McCain criticized Giuliani outright, describing the former mayor's "devious attempt to bankrupt gun manufacturers" with a lawsuit against them over violent crimes involving guns. A federal court heard arguments on the ongoing lawsuit Friday in New York. The Arizona senator also mentioned Giuliani's use of the word "extremists" in talking about the NRA.
- The newest celebritard!
- Alba, Cook raise $260K for charity: money to go to charity for people who like Dane Cook syndrome
- Columbia won't cancel Ahmadinejad speech: a bastion of liberalism meet one of the most hateful men in the world (sorry to disappoint, but its not W) - Columbia University said it does not plan to call off a speech by Iran's president despite pressure from critics including the City Council speaker, who said the Ivy League school was providing a forum for "hate-mongering vitriol."
- Floyd Landis loses the Tour de France: will appear on TNA wrestling, hopefully. then again, just take all the cyclists and form a new doping-positive racing league...call it the Tour de Balco.
Link Up
Thanks to Double Consciousness for the link...
http://2xconsciousness.blogspot.com/
Great scholastic research for Racism, Sexism, Black Males and Women of Color post.
(9/24) Also thanks to Blog and a Bullet for the link as well.
http://2xconsciousness.blogspot.com/
Great scholastic research for Racism, Sexism, Black Males and Women of Color post.
(9/24) Also thanks to Blog and a Bullet for the link as well.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Worst of the Best of Baltimore 2007: Part Three - Best Restaurant Makeover, Essential
Joe Squared. Seriously?
See my review of Joe Squared from 2006. This is a horrible horrible place. Repeated attempts to eat here have been rebuffed with awful pies, "I don't give a fuck if you like it" attitude, and just plain contempt. How do you undercook fried mushrooms?!!
This is a hipster dive where people come to drink and be cool. This is not a restaurant. Never has, never will, until new ownership gets rid of that "well, I might cook you a pie, and I might not, and you'll like it" attitude. Simply atrocious...I hope you're getting tons of free Natty Bohs, writers of this schlock, because you just drummed up more business for the "Restaurant Most Deserving of a Tractor Trailor Running Into It" award from Standard"grumpy"Chuck.
See my review of Joe Squared from 2006. This is a horrible horrible place. Repeated attempts to eat here have been rebuffed with awful pies, "I don't give a fuck if you like it" attitude, and just plain contempt. How do you undercook fried mushrooms?!!
This is a hipster dive where people come to drink and be cool. This is not a restaurant. Never has, never will, until new ownership gets rid of that "well, I might cook you a pie, and I might not, and you'll like it" attitude. Simply atrocious...I hope you're getting tons of free Natty Bohs, writers of this schlock, because you just drummed up more business for the "Restaurant Most Deserving of a Tractor Trailor Running Into It" award from Standard"grumpy"Chuck.
Worst of the Best of Baltimore 2007 - Part Two: Best Gun Shop
This picture is one of the major things wrong in America. You can buy it...you know...for deer hunting. Read the story to see that gun shop owners are good law-abiding citizens.
Worst of the Best of Baltimore 2007 - Part One: Best Reason to Live in Baltimore
Best Reason to Live Here - CrimeTo have grown up or survived for years on the mean streets of Baltimore often spawns intense local pride, since street cred doesn't come any more bona fide than to have been a Baltimorean for any significant length of time. Even for those who never have been in The Game, the scars of the war, if not visible in the form of a gunshot wound or a wheelchair, are ever ready to be shown off rhetorically. Denizens of Mobtown tend to have winning cocktail-party stories about crime, whether learned firsthand or simply known in detail by dint of life in the big city. To those more timid creatures who never have had the privilege of Baltimore living, our stories are larger than life and make us seem courageous and wise beyond our years. Respect like that rarely comes simply from one's address, and it puts us Baltimorons on the level with someone who, say, lived in Beirut during the 1970s. We're survivors, and we're staying no matter what. Now, what'll we do if crime goes down? Well, hopefully, one of our sports teams will give us something else to be proud about.
Who the hell wrote this? What uppity little Baltimore yuppie/hipster wrote this shitty little piece? There is a big difference between being someone who embarrasses the ugliness in their city and someone who glorifies something ugly as if it were a positive personal attribute.
Now I understand that there's that survivor's mentality that comes from living in Baltimore (and let's not kid ourselves, you're not a real Baltimorean if you live in Mt. Washington, Canton, Harborplace, Roland Park and their like) that's similar to living in NYC during the bloody 
heydays (NYC'ers who live in tony Upper anything side or in a flat above an art gallery, piss off, you're no tough Tony Bourdain, you're more like Sarah Jessica Parker). However, if you're the uppity little bitch talking about crime at a cocktail party, then you're the problem.
heydays (NYC'ers who live in tony Upper anything side or in a flat above an art gallery, piss off, you're no tough Tony Bourdain, you're more like Sarah Jessica Parker). However, if you're the uppity little bitch talking about crime at a cocktail party, then you're the problem. First of all, who the fuck goes to cocktail parties? Could it be these people to the right?
Second of all, let's say you were at a gathering and you're talking about how cool you are because you live in a crime infested town...you better look like these people to the right and be attending MICA, because you're a joke.
I've seen people who work for City Paper. They're some of the most urban arrogant people in Baltimore (not all, don't get your panties in a knot, writer for City Paper who is friendly). They're also cut from the same cloth as those who think supporting local music acts who have absolutely no talent but are really really good marketers (I'm looking at you, Wham City. Also at you, dude in the apartment building above mine who keeps butchering the same Jose Gonzalez/Pedro the Lion songs over and over and over again. You can't sing, close your windows) as a good thing. Let the delusional learn that they're not artists. Don't always support local music if it sucks.
I digress...the arrogance of the writer to say that living in Baltimore is akin to living in Beirut is astounding. I mean, sure, it gets hairy when the bombs are striking the building in Federal Hill, but you learn to live through the mortar attacks. Right. The writer of this article, and his/her friends, probably get freaked out when the homeless guy tries to get money from them on North Avenue. "OMG, he's so dirty! He's going to scratch up my Prius!"
My ultimate review of this article...written by a white person who loves Squidfire, Rocket to Venus, and collecting those stupid vinyl collectible toys they have at Atomic Pop for the white people who flock to TaxLo lounge to try to look really, really, really cool. You're all idiots.
Jena Six - A Good Time to Rant Against Racism
There have been many commentaries posted on the Jena Six, including the following excellent articles that you should check out about this hot button issue:
- Louisiana teen guilty in school beating case - Chicago Tribune article from June 29, 2007 detailing the conviction of Mychael Bell.
- Louisiana town braces as black youth wins appeal - recent article about the appeal win of Mychael Bell and the protests by African Americans.
- White Supremacy and the Jena Six: Southern Discomfort - A commentary by Alice Woodward which examines the deep seeded racial issues of the South and how the Jena incident is a reflection of ongoing racism.
- Commentary: The Jena Six Case, Part Two: White Racism Enrages Us More than Our Own Fratricide - A counterpoint from an African-American perspective questioning why white/black violence is more interesting than black/black violence.
The reason I write this post is due to one of the most idiotic talk radio moments I have heard in many years. Driving from work, I tuned into a public radio station broadcasting from nearby Morgan State University. The host, who I never identified but proved to be one of the best rational debaters/moderators on a public issues talk show, took a call from what I can only consider a hysterical white male. I've known many of these Caucasians, and remain friends with a good many of their ilk - you can tell them apart by their justified racism due to the "white man's burden" and their impassioned belief that they're getting the short end of the stick.
Anyway, this fellow called into the show to discuss the Jena Six. He starts his argument that any time a group of people attack an individual, it should be considered a hate crime. Not a bad argument. The host acknowledged the logic. The caller then uses this point to justify the conviction of Mychael Bell and all of the Jena Six. The host then counters with the crux of the appeal, that Bell ought to be tried as a juvenile and not given an adult's sentence (which was recently agreed upon in appeals court). This sent the caller into an apoplectic spasm of righteous indignation, stating that African Americans use gang tactics to gain a physical advantage, but also by intimidation of the threat of mass violence to unfairly influence "our fair American society."
Now, if you know anything about American history and also analyze our current American society, you can come to the conclusion that not everything is exactly racially harmonious. We're still rife with the problems that crop up from a history rooted in slavery and exclusionary tactics. Some in our country still thinks that denying basic human rights/needs to a class of individuals due to race (Mexicans) or immigrant status is fair game. I digress because I haven't gotten to the key reason why I became infuriated by the caller to the show.
When the host rationally argues against the caller's point that blacks are unfairly influencing society, the caller then switches gears (a technique perfected by conservatives, who love to remain on the offensive but never really acknowledge a criticism) to defend the whites who instigated the increase in racial tension in Jena. Much of the current flare-up has a relatively minor source...three white kids decided to hang nooses in a tree. A stupid gesture rooted in racism, right? Well, not to our caller, who claims adamantly that nooses have no racial implications. He backs up his statement that places nooses in trees is not a hate crime since "we hung many different types of people." I am not making that up. He proceded to say, because American Indians were hung during the Wild West period of the American experience, shouldn't the Indians get angry at the noose?
This is the crucial point, people. This gentleman seemed like a well educated individual. His argument, though flawed stylistically (much too much rhetorical nonsense without a sense of debate, much like the Fox News style of heavy handed inflamatory statements) and flawed in moral correctness, had a structure and logic. This guy was probably a smart guy...but he is racist. That's the key to remember. Racism isn't just that Hollywood, "I'm going to stare at that guy with malice in my heart" crap. Its the justification...the way of saying, "I'm not racist, but..."
Usually, it's something innocuous, like a joke. It's root is in thoughts that you can agree with. "I think a person should be judged by the content of their character not the color of their skin." Then it morphs into if/then logical connections, "If someone's committed a crime, then they should get the sentence no matter what their color is." A complete justification, right? But you're not taking into consideration that this is a call for the status quo. Don't rock the boat...
...Well the boat needs to be rocked! The status quo is a white dominated society. Sure, its possible to think that nooses are not racially charged when you're a white person. That comes from the unwavering idea held by most white Americans that racism is dead and that everyone is equal in our enlightened American society. However, the fact that you can see a noose and think a radically different thought than a fellow American who happens to be black shows that the status quo is actually just an imposed historical forgetfulness, an amnesia of only 1-2 generations after the struggles of the civil rights protesters and the death spasms of Jim Crow (who's ghost continues to haunt white suburbs vs black urban neighborhoods).
Obviously the nooses impacted other people the same way as the caller: Once three white students were identified as having hung the nooses on the tree, the school superintendent suspended them for only three days. (The principal had suggested expulsion). The superintendent felt the nooses represented a "youthful stunt."
A youthful stunt of racism...imagine any other symbol used in a similar youthful stunt. Would three white kids get three days of suspension for a swastika? What if three black students wrote "Kill Whitey" on a wall? What if three Muslim student put up a flyer that simply said "Jihad" in a NYC school? See the injustice?!!
The fact that some white people want to gloss this over is ridiculous. It comes from an unrepentant spirit that continues to exist in white America. Hate comments are masked as being "sick and tired of having to apologize for something (slavery/racism) I didn't do."
Read the comments in this blog (elle phd: The Jena Six blogpost):
Blah, blah, blah!!! I am a resident of Jena and i have been a resident here all my life. It is really unfortunate that the news only publishes stories that make these young men, the "Jena 6", seem like victims. I happen to know 3 of them and i assure you they are anything but.
"Nick" proceeds to write that the three Jena Six people he knew were thugs. Thus, injustice at the hands of a jurisprudence system that has been shown to be racially biased in sentencing is completely justified by our white commenter as being warranted.
Want less subtlety? Here's MarkNelson61:
I personally think these Jena6 thugs should go go jail for life. Six black kids beat one white guy unconscious then kicked him while he was out cold. They should be sent to the most brutal prison in American and have their asses beat senseless every day. If that had been 6 white guys beating up a black guy, you would see every black racist come crawling out from under their rocks. They should get exactly what they deserve; life in prison. To hell with al six of them and yes I am white.
What a flat out racist. No, Mark, six white guys beating up a black guy was history in the American South. The white kid who was beaten was a victim. The Jena Six should have been prosecuted in juvenile court. That is the egregious mistake on the part of a zealous district attorney and an all white jury. However, what about the jerks who pulled guns on white people in the days leading to the beat down? Where are their assault with a deadly weapon charges? Where are the hate crime prosecutions for the white noose white kids? What sentence did the guy who beat up a black kid at a party get? (he got a misdemeanor battery charge, not the felony charges of the Jena Six)
Ok...let's get to the conclusion. Racism is still alive. It has been well fed by paranoia. Black America does just as much to keep it alive (on a day to day experience, I get many more Asian jokes/taunted from African Americans than by white people). The racism exists all throughout America (The South hides it better than the "progressive" North). For those of you white Americans who want to try to justify the situation in Jena, shame on you. It is intellectually and morally disingenuous. For the African Americans, keep fighting for equality, but don't turn to brutality. Remember the struggles of Martin Luther King, Jr, and remember that violence works against the movement.
Fin.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Epic Misspelling
My buddy, Chicago funnyman WDD-40, in an IM to me typed "definteiyl."
This typo needed to be preserved for posterity. Enjoy.
Visit him at testadelbroccolo.blogspot.com
This typo needed to be preserved for posterity. Enjoy.
Visit him at testadelbroccolo.blogspot.com
Listening Post: Caribou - Andorra
I have to admit that I am entirely unfamiliar with Caribou (for the history of Caribou/Manitoba, check out the official website or the wikipedia entry). The neatest fact (from allmusic.com): One year later, however, Snaith was forced to give up the name Manitoba after Dictators frontman Handsome Dick Manitoba sued for trademark infringement (despite the passing of 15 years since the release of the only material under his name, a 1990 LP by Manitoba's Wild Kingdom).
Anyway, I read a decent review about the new album by Caribou called "Andorra." At first, I was scared by the tag that this is an electronica genre album. As a person who really dug the olden days of Chemical Brothers, I did not relish being surrounded by squiggles and twitches for 35+ minutes. Let's also get the fact out that I'm stuck in a jazz/soul phase, so this could be a failed experiment due to my taste. Anyway, here we go...let's start the Listening Post.
1. Melody Day - Bells! Sixties hipster soft singing! The wall of sound! Is this song produced by Mark Ronson (pictured to the right...as a tool)? I really like this song. The electronica influence of layering many different tracks and incorporating many disparate sounds and loops are here, but this is a song! This isn't a random collection of sounds that build to a crashing cacaphony for the glow sticked. This has the structure of a song. Awesome. 
Speaking of wall of sound, has anyone else listened to the Pipettes? I got their album online, and found it silly. Just plain bad, but then again, easy on the eyes...if you're into polka dots. Cool false end to this song. Alright, thus far, this is going to be a great album.
2. Sandy - The beauty of stereo...start off with the left channel then a different sound in the right channel. I remember listening to Odelay and loving some of the stereo tricks Beck employed. This sound sounds like a gloomy Polyphonic Spree. The voice is a bit weak here...though matches the use of the pennywhistle. Lots of squiggles. This could be a backdrop for an Austin Powers love scene...and I don't know if that's a good thing. At this point, if you absolutely hate the sounds of the Sixties era, you will hate the first two tracks. This song has every single cliche of the sixties...reverse tapeloop, sitar, "wahhhh" choruses, a bit of strings, psychodelic sounds. Ehhhh, not great...too bad it followed such a great song like "Melody Day."
3. After Hours - I am running...in...slow...motion... I don't think I needed that intro. Ok...now the main part of the song is locked and loaded, and it sounds like a shitty video game. The vocals...sleepy, mellow, non-raspy Ozzy Osborne. I'm yawning, not a good sign.
This song follows the whole droning thing that happened with sixties music. You know, those damned George Harrison Ravi Shankar exercises in indulgence. Drone....drone... The sitar has been replaced by electronic tear drops.
This song is a perfect background song for having a coffee at that pretentious Cosi down the street with the barristers who think they are too good to be barristers. You're sitting there, drinking your 4 dollar cup of infused water while there's that trust-fund hipster typing away at his new apple laptop and the old guy who's obviously wishing he was younger. You know, the type of place that has a square bagel but still makes paninis (which is sooooo 2005).
Why is this song still going on? Oh, I know, because it is 6 minutes long. No need for it to be six minutes, with a completely unnecessary minimalistic solo section, followed by the last minute of chants and no rhythm section. I now know what Brian Wilson hears when he's taking a morphine nap. Ok...blah.
4. She's the One - d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d, the intro is like a Brian Wilson and Philip Glass collaboration. Brian Wilson unfortunately won. Ok...too bad this song started with the propulsive first track...this is belly button gazing music dressed up with electronic flares. Like a waiter at Applebees or Chili's, its adorned with buttons that flash about, but ultimately, its another nostalgic album...see any Sloan album.
Oh, by the way, I hate the slow fade out to end a song.
5. Desiree - Remember that song "Kissing You" by Desiree? That was a hot song. I really liked it (yeah, I know it was a faux torch song, but it was sexy). Caribou's Desiree is a quiet little song. Then, at the 1:16 mark, it gets louder and the strings and cheese take over. This is a sacchrine sweet song...I liked the Phil Spector touches that pop up regularly, but there's too much cute with this song. I hear either a baby gurgle or an owl hooing at the 2 minute mark...really, is that necessary? I got it...this sounds like a James Iha song. Sooooo precious. Then, at the 3 minute mark, there's a hope for some balls to this song, but then a trill of a flute and we're back in fluffy pink clouds land. Yeah...a harp. Ok, this song just sent me into a diabetic coma.
6. Eli - Best song to use the name Eli...it has to be "Eli the Barrel Boy" by the Decemberists. This song is a more of the same. I mean...don't get me wrong, its pleasant pop music. If you love the sixties, definitely get this over that neohippy crap coming from across the pond. However, like I said, I'm think I'm in the wrong mood to really enjoy this...one thing going for this song, its definitely an autumn song. It reminds me of some tracks from the Cocteau Twins, except with pep and happiness. This was definitely inspired by the Beatles, Sufjan Stevens, and a Charlie Brown Christmas. I think I'm getting a little less grumpy.
7. Sundialing - Ugh, what a crappy title for the song. It reminds me of latter day Belle and Sebastian titles or maybe a less wordy, less ironic Of Montreal title. Robot voices? What? This song is a little less sugary than the previous five...more propulsive. Not bad. Wow...watch it with the visualizer on...the beat makes for some neat images. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go huff some paint thinner and watch my Windows Media Player. I think my skin's melting off my face!
8. Irene - The intro could definitely be used in the Charlie Kaufman/Michel Gondry film. It has that coolness that would fit into a great comedic scene of self loathing. I imagine a guy walking down a snow covered sidewalk in a black coat, huffing and coughing from the icy wind, who stops in his tracks when he seeing his old girlfriend moving out of her place with a guy. The main character stops, as if to act, then turns and walks away. Then some piece of screen magic.
This is a great song. Alright, so we've reached two guarenteed excellent tracks to my ears. It takes something that is simple, and provides a slight disjointing that lets you listen to it with a fresh perspective. Brilliant fuzzing out the sound to really make one pay attention to the drive of the song.
9. Niobe - Another video game start...this could be a build up for a Contra type of game. Quick, get the spread gun! Damn...its just the spiraling fire gun. This is a whiny song, again, can totally see this one on a soundtrack. Just looked at the time...this is going to be an 8+ minute song. Here's to hoping this is a rewarding song, and not just a soundtrack for tripping on MDMA. This is much more electronica than any of the other tracks on this album...
I have nothing to say about this song.
Damn, still got 3 minutes to go.
...
Just played the scales with the synthesizer.
I'm bored.
Done!
Overall...I give this album a 3 stars out of five, since it has two incredible songs. The rest of it, I can live without. For those who are fans of the sixties will love this album. Its tight, it has many different sounds components, rewarding headphone listening, and you'll be cool since you're listening to a non-mainstream album. Its pop for hipsters!
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